Reflections

January 4, 2013

Life is brutal. The daughter of the one million hectare landowner has told quite plainly. She will only help me if I no longer see the school teacher again.

Apparently a scandal in the palm oil world has erupted. Since the school teacher has suddenly broken off her engagement with Max. And I am right in the thick of it. Max has challenged me to a duel. He feels I have slighted his honor. This I can understand. I will have to try reason with him.

This matter is likely to escalate. It seems, hard decisions need to be made. If I continue to see the school teacher. I will have to take my chances in the high seas against these powerful forces. I have to choose between the school teacher and everything that I have worked so hard for all these years.

I am up against powerful forces in the palm oil world. There are so many of them. They all seem to clique together. And no matter what I do. I will never be one of them. I have always been an outsider and will always remain the one looking in from the outside.

None of you can possibly understand how complicated things are. Or even how complicated things can get. Truth is the daughter the one million hectare landowner and her likes can crush me like an ant. Maybe I was stupid to believe that I can stand on my own. To even fashion myself as an island.But we all have to bend it seems. You bend. They bend. And so must I, it seems.

I shall explain in a latter post why things have come to this stage. I suddenly feel lonely. So very lonely….like a forgotten soldier posted to the overeaches of the great wall once again.

I hate myself for being so powerless. I wished to God that I was as powerful as all of them. I really do. Perhaps then I can own enough of myself to be the man that I really want to be.

Darkness 2013

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