Log 10-8-13 Overtures of Peace

August 10, 2013

Today my enemies sent an emissary to explore the possibility of peace. They sent a young man – someone who was clearly out of his depths. He looked nervous. As if at any moment, I would suddenly spring out from my rattan chair and bite him. I had to calm him down by offering some delightful homebaked scones to go with his tea - as he tried his very best to convey the message – while I listened impassively and calmly - from what I was able to gather from his mangled delivery –  the general outline of his message was

“let us all try to get along.”

Naturally, I made it a point to feign agreement and assured him that nothing would give me the keenest pleasure. (lied through my teeth…I’ve been lying so frequently these days, I better kept a secret notebook on the lies I regularly tell others.)

When I saw him off at the gate – my eyes teared up and in sincere tones, I said, 

“tell your masters, I too wish for peace. I am so happy that common sense has finally prevailed.”

In truth, I have no intentions for a Nixon and Mao moment or for that matter peaceful co-existence. You see there has been at least three attempts on my life since I came here (there could have been more) - and to be very honest with all of you. I have grown accustommed to living in perpetual danger.

My daily movements are secret. No one has an itenary of my schedule, except me. I never keep to any known pattern or routine – I dine only by myself when the restaraunt is closed or during the off peak hours. I will not go into other aspects of my security for obvious reasons – but you get the point.

Even those who regularly serve me have long since suspected, the man who lives on the hill has many enemies - the girl who always makes me a perfect bowl of rice must have gathered this from the grapevine - this is after all how politics is conducted in a village - she even takes the trouble to change into her superman T shirt whenever I appear suddenly and unexpected as I often do at the back entrance of the restaraunt - perhaps it’s her childish way of reassuring me, “you are safe here.” But I can never let down my guard. Never. I can never trust anyone. Danger lurks everywhere even in the most benign of places.

Through the years I have grown so accustomed to living a life in the shadows that it is conceivable, I may have even acquired a perverse fondness for this perculiar of existence – a way of life where I never ever allow anyone to get close to me. It’s as if there is always a force field where no one can even get close to me - a life where I am always mindful of anything that may stand out of the ordinary. A way of life where I am always ready to duck, run or jump right out of the window at the slightest sign of danger.

No I don’t ever imagine there will never ever be lasting peace betweeen me and my enemies. For all I know this is merely an elaborate strategy to lull me into a false sense of security so that I let my guard down.

How presumptous these daughter fuckers are to assume that I crave a peaceful life. Besides my life would cease to have any meaning, if they didn’t regularly do what they do – what after all am I supposed to do with something as awkward as PEACE? How would I even past my days? What else is there to dedicate myself too? Do these people even know how much, time, energy, material I have invested in prosecuting this war?

I am not even sure I am all together comfortable with the whole idea of living a peacefull life.

In truth, I have been fighting for so long that, that is really the only life I have known. I know no other life, except this life of constant strife – it has been with me for long that it was permeated the marrow of my bones and shaped and formed so many of my attitudes towards life – to dismantle this war machine would be to unravel my very existence – surely these people cannot be serious about this whole proposition of peace?  

What a fucking ridicolous idea….Peace.

People can be so inconsiderate and thoughtless.

I wonder what do I truly want?

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