Log: 5-9-13 / The most important life skill for you to succeed in any mission in life…
September 5, 2013
Has to be by far the discipline to listen deeply like a super duper radar dish – not just ordinary listening where half your brain is either somewhere in the distant future, past or in dream la la land.
But the ultra deep soulful variety of listening where you are even able to create perfect conditions for the other side to talk without any discomfort, fear, reservations or the need to pull back – while you continue to pick, sort, file and build up a picture from all the information that comes your way.
The sort of listening where you even have the discipline to switch off your phone, still your movements to only what is necessary so that you are able to peer deeply into the darkened interiors of the persons mind who you are having a conversation with – to even pierce thru skin, bone and into the most hidden aspects of his designs. When you deal with a person who has mastered the art of listening deeply. It is not unusual for him to know you better than you will ever know yourself.
When you just commit yourself to do this one thing – you will know, see and hear everything. It will all be very clear.
The best part is the otherside will even thank you for a memorable and delightful conversation, though you hardly said a word and only just listened.
“The fastest way to lose trust, push people away and paint yourself into a corner is to talk and talk and talk without FIRST bothering to listen.
To insist like a child, the world is flat, the world is flat, the world is flat. That if you must know is what good for nothing leaders do all the time – it’s as if they are trying to get mileage out of from that adage…
If you tell a lie again and again. At some point it will become the truth.
That to me is the fastest way for people to throw you into the dustbin of their consciousness - think about it. WHAT do you think these people should do even BEFORE speaking - to me it is first necessary to create the right conditions for those who may disagree or hold different views from you to listen and even consider what you may have to say without skepticism, cynicism and suspicion.
So if you come across someone who believes that X, Y or Z problem is the reason why he regularly finds it difficult to turn the wheel of life – listen to him first, even he sounds nonsensical, listen – if possible acknowledge his fears and even tell him that his concerns are perfectly legitimate – then and only then, do you proceed to lead him out of that mind trap into the field of possibilities.
You should consider trying this experiment out with your friends. You should all learn from the mistakes of politicians. I believe very strongly in Singapore that should not be a problem. Not at all. Especially when you have leaders who prefer to talk about PLSE and airports instead of jobs, jobs and jobs - first begin switching off your phone and setting down your iPad. Listen to this man or woman as if he or she is the only person in this planet. Eliminate all forms of distractions and just dedicate yourself to sensing the way the person you are listening too form words along with how they are expressed – the inflection of the voice and even how it rises and fall like the ebb and flow of a capricious sea all speak of their state of mind – listen. Watch. Feel. With the spirit of the hunter.
From time to time when the conversation seems to lose speed, stir it up again subtly, by leaning forward, nodding your head or just smiling in agreement. As if you really want to know more – that you are really genuinely concerned – in a while the other side will be speaking earnestly again.
Do this in the way you would go about weaving a spell – and at some point, the other side will suddenly fall silent. Then and only then do you speak.
Keep it short and sweet. A little goes a long way. When you cultivate this habit to listen BEFORE you speak. You will find that your words will hit home. As you have create ideal conditions for others to listen and consider seriously what you have to share with them.
This is the skeleton key that allows you to learn the first edict of Warcraft – know yourself and your enemy and you will be victorious in a thousand battle.
Caveat: If you are a man. NEVER use this technique on young girls who know very little about life. NEVER! As they can very easily be overwhelmed to a point where they will just be so fixated over you for only reasons known to themselves and no one else – and since they do not have either the brain power or experiential knowledge to figure out why you suddenly stuck 24/7 like chewing gum in their head – they r likely to mistake it for love. I am not kidding! When that happens, your wife will find out and probably cut off your cock and you will end up as a very sad man. So don’t complicate your already complicated life!
In a business setting, if you come across a skilled listener – be wary of him. If possible lead him astray by using disinformation, misdirection and deception. As you are probably dealing with an accomplished practitioner of Warcraft – it is conceivable ALL the intelligence you have on this person is corrupted – it’s even conceivable whatever opinion you have formed of him bears absolutely no relationship with reality. As in all probability that information was strategically placed there to lull you into a false sense of security to move you to the killing zone.
Prepare for war! As in business, I cannot think of a man who is more lethal than someone who has the discipline to assassinate every aspect of his character just to listen – you must mindful and keep your guard up against such a clear and present danger – experience informs me the man who listens intently instead of yapping away all the time is a truly dangerous man – that is why the Hokkien say, Tiam Kau kar see Lang – quiet dogs usually bite people to death – what they actually mean to say is the man who is able to suppress all his emotions and proceed stealthily to observe you is a man who is on a mission – a man on a mission is a very dangerous man. Find out how many make up his cell? What is the chain of command? What are their credo, philosophy and vision?
Most importantly where possible strive for peaceful co-existence with this man who has mastered the art of listening – work towards detente or an understanding of sorts where you can both live and let live – instead of rushing to prosecute a war of attrition. Above all do not fight the man who has cultivated the art of listening. As he probably wants you to do exactly that, so that he can finish you off – he will destroy you if you are rash, emotional and hasty.
When dealing with such a character does, you would do well from time to time to ask yourself: does this person know you better than you know yourself? If the answer is in the affirmative yourn chances of succesding is zero. You will be defeated.”