Mossad, Women & Handbags – the ties that bind

February 22, 2010

This is not an IQ test, but can you spot the odd one out in this photo? – No I am not referring to that man you looks like your next door expatriate in your condo- take your time – Well spotted…..there’s a woman there!

What is a woman doing in a covert International hit squad?

Well one reason may have to do with the practical necessity of fixing someone on the go – men if you noticed aren’t supposed to carry hand bags; we are only allowed wafer thin wallets – women on the other hand don’t have that problem – my theory is she’s the one who is responsible for lugging everything that this Mossad crew needed from the foldable machine gun, rope ladders, pepper spray, skeleton key, gas mask, smoke grenade, bullet proof vest, rocket launcher and don’t be surprise; if she still has enough real estate to accommodate cosmetics, polo mints and her tampons.

And this raises the question; that I have always considered to be one of the greatest mysteries of life – the equivalent of where is Atlantis and did aliens build the pyramids? – What is it about women and their hand bags?

My pet theory goes like this: the need for a female to carry something is deeply rooted in her biological make up – stands to reason – man is a hunter, so he has to be agile and travel light; for god sake you can’t expect a hunter to lug a dinosaur lined bag full of pots and pans and still be expected to wrestled with saber tooth tigers and fight off giant sized Anaconda’s etc – that’s just stupid – since time in immemorial men have always been the provider – and women the caregivers – just to give you a simple illustration of how this primordial theory has even carried forward to the present day – do you notice men’s watches are always bigger and they come with a whole lot more functions like timers, stop watches etc – that’s because to hunt effectively, we men need to maximize on day light hours?

You can’t hunt effectively unless you’re an effective time manager – now you know why every woman has absolutely no sense of time – 9 out of 10, she’s always late and its futile to try to change her – fact is just a cave woman was so preoccupied with the daily litany of cooking and taking care of kiddies etc – time has always been relative to a woman – that explains the diminutive size woman’s watches – here size does is proportional to utility of usage – to paraphrase, her handbag is more important than time.

I know that these days unless you want die an unnatural death (like getting suffocated by a pillow); this is hardly the stuff for a congenial tete-a-tete – that’s why I am blogging about it. Besides we all know that most of the girls reading this are all probably The Siglap Miss Serene and Miss Dotty Si Wen variety that can hardly do any damage with your flying upper middle class lychee daggers; if this was going out to heart lander Sengkang Sally and Ris low – then monster durians would definitely compel me to bury this essay.

So please spare me the death threats along with the charming mails on – why even if you’re are the last man on this planet, I would never go out with you yada yada yada – No one denies women these days are very different from the days of lore; these days they don’t even have fainting rights anymore – if they see an offensive pecker streaming in the public square; women these days just reach deep into their handbags take out their camera phones and snap away – that guarantees the offender a mandatory 101 course on bladder management – roles and goals of women have definitely changed.

But as I mentioned biologically speaking, the female of our species is still the equivalent of our primordial multi tool Swiss knife – where she can always be counted to provide everything that the modern hunter (men) needs today – everything from tissue paper, tiger balm, band aids, mints, nail clippers, perfume, safety pins (and in my case, I suspect rat poison) somewhere in that bottomless pit of her handbag that even makes the Grand Canyon look like a sink hole.
You could even say something as ubiquitous as the handbag is a sort of security blanket that feeds on both the physically and psychological aspect of what it means to be a woman – for one it palliates her fears – she has everything in her handbag to save people and planet – it even edifies her role as care giver – along with affirming her role as the hunters mate and attunes her sense of being to the universe – one reason why the handbag has such a tenuous hold on the psyche of every woman; is because every woman suffers from that nagging feeling something needs to be righted – that’s one reason why 9 out of 10; the first thing they do when they see you – is they begin straightening your tie; retouching your hair with gel and making sure you’re just at your peachy best – so remember; size matters – the rule of thumb that I swear by is there is no handbag that can ever be too big – the bigger the better – that’s why handbags are evergreen gifts that will always bring a smile to every girl and make her day; it doesn’t even need to be branded; it just needs to be big – and that simply means we men can still get away on the cheap with our wafer thin wallets while they lug it all happily without a thought – only just make sure she’s not a Mossad secret agent or she’s read this, otherwise the only bag you will end up in is a body bag.


Carry on!

Darkness 2010 – The Brotherhood Press 2010

 —————————————————————“There is no such thing as perfect loving, singing, writing, praying, living or shitting – it doesn’t exist – if there is such a thing as perfection then I think it has to be in the word despair; you will probably find somewhere in what the Jews call Kaddish.”

“You seem to be condoning what they did Darkness?”

“No I merely understand. I dont watch TV and I am very good at pretending to work; so I read alot.”

“Isn’t that the same as saying, I agree with what they did in a round about way?”

“No it means I merely understand. Just imagine waking up one morning in Singapore and walking out into empty streets like Will Smith in the movie – I am legend – that’s how many Jews were murdered in the holocaust; the entire population of Singapore and a bit more; but that is just the tip of the ice berg – all I am saying is the Jews have been treated like shit since the beginning of time. So that’s bound to shape their world view.”

“Seems to me Darkness, you share their world view.”

“No, I merely understand. To agree or disagree, I would need to judge them, that would be the direct opposite of what I just said, I merely understand.”

Recent conversation in a thread entitled “Pillows should carry the surgeons general warning in Dubai.” Captured by an auto-bot in Ekunaba – this has been brought to you by the FILB ( Free Internet Library Board) – The Brotherhood Press 2010


N.B MESSAGE BY MISSY DOTTY:  DO BOOKMARK THIS SITE, IF SOME OF YOU CLAIM, YOU ARE MISSING OUT, BOOKMARK IT, THAT WAY WHEN WE DECIDE TO TAKE OFF SOMEWHERE ELSE, AT LEAST YOU CAN FOLLOW US ON THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD TO CONT READING SOME OF OUR STUFF . BOOKMARK, IT AS WHEN THEY TAKE OFF, AS THEY DO, AT LEAST, YOU WILL HAVE A LINK, DO IT NOW!– ANOTHER GOOD REASON TO BOOKMARK THIS SITE IS THIS HAS HAPPENED  RECENTLY – , THE BP HAS BARRED ALL FUTURE ESSAYS TO BE POSTED BY THE SINGAPORE DAILY. I DID ASK BABY DARKNESS ABOUT THIS AND THIS IS WHAT HE HAD TO SAY, ” There are two ways to read, one is you let someone spoon feed you like a baby. The second is you choose what and how you want to eat.  Remember, if your body is a temple. Your mind has to be the altar piece; it’s the linchpin that makes possible the grand idea of La Convivencia with you and your community, spirit, mind and perhaps 7 million other things- without this one thing, the power to choose, you are simply a cactus on a window sill! 

So understand this little rich girl, there is reading and there is reading, there is a world of difference, if you dont even bother to argue with the belief, you are what you eat. Then you would have absolutely no problem understanding – why, you are most definitely without a shadow of doubt what you read and dont read.

You can certainly categorize what I write, but you have no right to judge ……that was what Singaporedaily did – a broad line has to be drawn, otherwise, dont be surprise, if someone decides its card blanche to give you and me the mushroom treatment, “feed you shit and keep you in the dark.” So this has nothing to do with Anime 3 and her rubberband brigade. I value her readership and support, but this is a bigger sphere we are dealing with here – so this is where I will draw the line…it will hurt…like that other fake site, Temasek review that kept faking doss attacks; but how could they let the real wolf out without first planting the idea in peoples mind, “if it can happen to me, it will also happen to you,” Think about it – they cried wolf – we helped, but this time, I am not going to stick my neck out for no one…its everyman for himself….I dont even care, if the whole house catches fire…call it tough love, but if you aren’t a hard man, then you shouldn’t be in the ring and that’s the only way to deal with people who cry wolf, its all here, the explanation – dont worry dotty, the readers will eventually pick up the scent…they always do, you just wait and see, dont ever sweat the small stuff, life is too short – Darkness 2010……”Missy Dotty

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