The things that matters most in life

January 13, 2011

<p>No one in this planet does it better then the Koreans when it comes to pumping out tear jerkers – they are the indisputable Toyota motors of love stories genre; and when I first started writing love stories; they were simply inspirational in every way possible – from plot, cadence, speed and texture – I copied these masters unabashly, now you know why the brotherhood press love stories division is so prolific – some may balk at all this; and say most of these yarns are nothing more than superficial rehashed Mills & Boons reads – I disagree; the plot may seem trite only because you’re distanced by your prejudice and ignorance – but once you immerse yourself in them and get beneath the triteness and invest your heart and soul in them; they’re astonishingly beautiful, sensitive and heart warming in every sense – many years ago before the internet age began; I lost someone who was very dear to me to lymphatic cancer – she left suddenly and it left me with this incredible hole in my heart which I can only describe as an eternal abyss – at first, I tried to bring her back to life in the virtual; I scoured the world for the best animators, best mathematicians, best illustrators; money was no object; I even once stormed a replica of Taj Mahal with 100 Sardokhan elite troops to create paradise for her – despite their very best efforts no matter how real they fashioned her; they were never able to capture her essence; – her spirit always remained elusive and afar; and that hole in my heart was never ever filled – it was only when I sat down and began to write love stories and started churning them out like a cookie factory; that I began to understand for the very first time in my life – how pain and joy are in fact one of the same reality; and the rest is really grist to the mill; as I had to immerse myself into my characters and experience what they really felt – and with that came a deep spirited understanding of love and courage.

Someday my animators will get it right and she will smile the way I remembered her – till then while the story goes on – somewhere in amid the tears and laughter, there will always be a place called paradise and she will never be far away from me.

Happy Birthday Sarah.

P.S I shan’t be coming any longer to visit you as I do every year around this time. I’ve decided it’s time to move on 12 years, 3 months 17 days and 6 hours is time – its time Sarah, to put down that stone that I’ve carried for long and move on.

I’ve decided to go into agriculture – not in a big way, but not too small either, but if things go well I may decide to buy more land and even make something of it; it will be a lonely and Spartan life faraway from the hustle and bustle of the city with a few farm hands and Rotweillers for company.

I wasn’t kidding when I once said all I ever wanted in life was to return to the good earth.

I’ve had it with fast cars, racy women and living on the edge. Maybe I am getting older, maybe wiser or maybe I’ve just slowing down or just plain unlivable.

Either way I am hopeful Sarah. I’ve got a few ideas in my head for the time being they’re just rough sketches, but if I could invent a small machine no larger than a skip to process oil palm bunches into oil – I think it will keep me occupied when the sun goes down. Or use computers and GPS technology to improve yield, that would make me happiest.

It will be a very different life Sarah, but I am hopeful. And hope is the best thing in the world. Perhaps the only thing worth living for.

Good Bye Sarah


Darkness 2011


“Why don’t you join us for drinks any more Darkness?”

“What’s the point? We either talk about whether a Masserati has a better gear box than a Porsche; or whether that girl has a better box than the other one the week before; or whether xbox is better than playstation. We are living in box!

Besides I’ve only got two customers for the last ten years who really appreciate the quality of my work. Don’t want more. One lives on an airplane and the other is HQed in a yacht that even has a helipad and a mini golf course – so that side is covered. What they’re going to do threaten them not to do business with me – those old buzzards are just going to piss on them from up there. I am sick and tired of just looking at figures and lines on a computer terminal and pretending to work. Half the time I am ether reading or surfing the net. So far I’ve called the right shots; but let’s face, a large part of it was due to luck and I am never ever going to let get into my head that I am a reincarnation of Nostradamus – or some legend in my own mind. Sure there was skill, but my trade is coming to an end; these days even kids with a lap top computer can basically do what I do. The only thing they lack is panache and aplomb, shock and awe, but all that is smoke and mirrors. The long and short of it is I am not so different from a man who picked up a chip and rode on a wave in a casino and now it’s time to cash out. Besides the world is getting crazier by the minute and I have no illusions it will get nuttier; those numbers don’t make an ounce of sense any more and it’s only a matter of time before I call one wrong call after another. When that day comes those old buzzards are just going to drop me like a hot potato. It’s not like the PAP where you have 9 opportunities to fail and still keep your a platinum rice bowl. All I have is my wits and bag of snake oil, so that’s a high wire act. Besides, if I stay here too long it’s just going to get harder to get off the hamster wheel. Eventually, I am just going to be no different from one those run of the mill bullshiters where work is life and everything else – You know why don’t you? Once you’re in that kind of life, it doesn’t pay to be your own man – no I’ve always seen myself as that man in that movie Shawshank Redemption. I am always chipping away for the day when I can break right out. That’s the truth, but most people can’t see it, as Appearances can be deceptive. I know it sounds crazy that a man should retire at his prime, but there a Cantonese saying lor tak hei, fong tak lok – in other words it does pay to stay on when the party is over. One day, I am going to go back to where I once came from, the good earth, that’s real. That’s something that I can transfer my knowledge into and I know it may look like the end, but it’s just the beginning. Everything you see here is just like Disneyland, it ain’t real, not by half it ain’t. Its just eye candy. This isn’t about brotherhood, I think it has more to do with personhood apprentice. I once wrote a e- book called the Singaporean gangster in London, in the last chapter the main protagonist Huan Guan returned to a surreal place called home. I must have received over 10,000 questions from the readership why I ended that story that way, in a curious ways I must have projected many of my aspirations and dreams in that concluding chapter without realizing that was all I ever wanted, a place called home. One more thing apprentice tell our German friends to cancel the Sarah project, let her sleep…..let her sleep forever.

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