September 29, 2011
What could have been – if only I did this or that – what if – if you really think about Eva, it’s amazing how little we actually dedicate ourselves to the whole idea of living in the present. I reckon as humans, we have it tough when compared to let’s say mosquitoes or houseflies – they don’t mull over things like we do, they can’t afford too could be they can’t, as they lack processing power – but you know what Eva, that may not be such a bad thing after all – I mean we can say many things about turning and churning in the folds of those moments we can never get back. You could even successfully argue that’s part and parcel of what it means to be a homo sapien – like not being able to change the way you look or frown. You know part and parcel of being part and not apart from the human condition. But I don’t believe mothernature dealt us a bum hand. I happen to believe that if nature meant for us to be melancholic, we wouldn’t have the life expectancy we have. Neither would we need so much time to grow up – it makes no sense at all Eva. So this is my theory. Are you ready? Here goes, I happen to believe mothernature provisioned for all us to overcome our innate bent for sadness. I mean, if you asked me which part of the brain, this happy mass of cells live. I wouldn’t be able to tell you – but, what I do know is it has to reside somewhere in the deeper recesses of our brain – it’s probably a little vault where we store these sad memories, episodes and scenarios. A room that I imagine may not look so different from one of those dimly lit casino’s. You know the type where the guy who deals you the hand happens to be an oily emigre with a heavy accent and where you have a solo singer belting up tunes on a white piano – the sort of place that’s two parts chiaroscuro and the rest I call the place of possibilities. You know don’t you that place where X marks the spot – and in this place there has to be thousands of images and scripts all stacked up like used carton boxes. Here some of us may contend to read the same book over and over again; others may just be stuck on a paragraph like a broken record – in other words, Eva this place that I call the temple of yawns is a place where each and everyone lives forever in – those moments when you’re staring out at the world blankly is when I know that you’re in that sort place. But sometimes Eva, we can’t live in the past forever, not if we want to live and not merely exist in the present – sometimes Eva we would do well to ask, correction I mean demand of ourselves, who is to say what’s best, good or will end happily ever after? I mean living isn’t about looking back and superimposing our experiences on the present to make sense of it. If we do that most of us probably wouldnt have the balls to get out of bed in the morning. That’s why I think as humans we need to grab whatever chance we have of happiness and not worry about what happens next. And that idea of chance may not be anything but the flismy idea of hope or faith. Hope that whatever I am doing right now will end up making a better tomorrow. Faith in the idea that life isn’t like old leather where its made softer by the whome act of just living one day at a time. No Eva, that whole idea of living in the past or our fears doesnt add anything to the whole idea of happiness – if anything it has to take in the way a thief robs you of something really precious. The way I see it we probably get no more than two or three bites of the cherry in a life time and that’s only if we learn to live in the present – if you’re unlucky, it comes and goes when you’re really too young to make sense of it – but if you happen to be fortunate and this form experience if usually the case, it comes later in life, when you probably have the wisdom to make sense of it all – even then, if you don’t act on it; all you will really do is watch it go right by.
And where might this station be Darkness?
Somewhere in a far and distant country call Regret Eva.
That sounds pretty much like hell Darkness.
Yes Eva, the hottest place in hell.
Tell me how do you know this place so well Darkness?
Eva, I write sappy love stories for a living – you’re be amazed how many yarns I’ve sold online. And the strange thing about it; when you write, it has to come from somewhere. There was this time, when I wasn’t really getting any way in my writing; when I decided to go deep into the souls of my characters. You know like one of those submarines that go so deep that everyone makes a pact of who should be eaten first – you could say, I lived my life through these characters and that’s when it all came together.
The land of smiles – the place where X marks the spot.
Darkness 2011 – due to a channel disruption in the Strangelands – this transcript was forwarded by KDD Norwegian Wood courtesy of the Interspacing Navigation Guilds – the Brotherhood Press 2010. This has also be published in Ekunaba and Phi Beta Kappa and broadcasted throughout the Strangelands.
September 28, 2011
You know, for the longest time, I kept trying to simplify my life. It wasn’t until very recently that I started to realize just how unbelievably counter intuitive that was. We’re not here to have a simple life. That sort of life doesn’t exist, not even in Snow White and the seven dwarfs – over there, you still have to deal with wolfs, poison ivy and not to mention that old hag who keeps talking to household furnishings while she tries to peddle off her poison apples on a Sunday – what I mean to say Eva, is there is no such thing as a simple life – I mean, if you think, you could do without the electrical grid and piped water – and just reduce everything down to candles and the morning walk to the well – be my guest. But even in that seemingly simple paradise, it has to be incredibly complicated – I mean, say what you like Eva, but water in a plastic jerry can weighs a ton – and even if you manage to lug it all the way up to this hill, there isn’t enough to wash your ass with it – so how simple can it fucking be, when you don’t even have a quart to wash your bum? Either that or a hernia will get you. And if that doesn’t get you, maybe the crocs in the river will – so this whole idea of living a quaint simple life is all bullshit. I mean if you think real hard about it; so hard that your brain has to hurt or that you develop one of those nervous tics, we as a species can never ever lead a simple life – I mean you could put me in cave lighted by animal lard, but even then it ain’t simple – because all sorts of things are going through my mind – no Eva, that can’t be right.
We are here to do the things we have committed to do, and sometimes those things that we do are just filled with what I call the tiny slices of death; you know Eva, that sensation that comes when you believe that nothing ever changes – where every day seems to be a repetition of yesterday and the only thing that really changes is the forgettableville stuff – like how your fingernails seem to be growing or that your toothpaste is thinning out – but somewhere in this litany Eva, that’s really complicated and challenging is the idea; we have chosen to do these things – not because they are challenging or that it edifies us in any way. And therein lies the plight of those who may believe that simplicity holds the truth to happiness. Human time does not turn in a circle; it runs ahead in a straight line, that’s if you’re lucky Eva – but life isn’t like that, people die, sadness comes, sickness turns it’s evil eye on health and even if we find ourselves prancing around like those Von Trap’s in the Sound of Music – in that paradise we may well have to contend ourselves with the oppressing reality – there may well be a serpent that lurks somewhere in that so called paradise – that’s why life cannot be simple; that’s why man cannot be happy: happiness is the longing for repetition – and man by his very nature abhors the grinding sameness where each day unfolds exactly as the last – the only difference Eva is perhaps the morning newspaper that comes through his door or the new tie that his boss sports on a Monday morning.
No life is intrinsically difficult, complex and vexing – but don’t feel sorry for yourself; only those who never married their dream man or girl do that – just suck it all in and take it for what it is, the good, bad and the ugly; trust me Eva, you’re be happier for it. Because at least you know the nature of the beast and that’s something you can work with. Instead of yelping now and then like some distressed collie that’s rolling over her tongue, just because things don’t seem to turn out the way, it’s supposed too. Trust me….you’re be happier person for it.
September 28, 2011
The order of Purple was never any good Darkness – it was no good then; it’s no bloody good now – that’s why we had to destroy it. Now that we have a new order why can’t you just work within the current system?
Any Tom, Dick and Harry can talk big Eva, but the really important thing is whether you’re willing to stay back after the party and help clean up the mess. The way I see it Eva, we have been cleaning up after you guys since you decided to take over the Brotherhood.
I am starting to realize something disturbing about you Darkness – you’re the world’s most ungrateful guy. Let me finish! We gave you the perfect platform to write, to develop your craft and this you were able to do. And this is how you repay us?
Eva, you may not believe this, I didn’t want to be a writer, but like you said, thanks to you people I became one – a pretty lousy one at that. But what do you really want me to say? That I am happy now I have many readers, in so many countries – well, I can’t really say that. Besides, you’re forgetting one thing Eva – being a writer isn’t such a big deal. I don’t mean that I am not grateful when the Guilds sponsor some of my articles – I think I have to be humble regarding those sort of transactions even if I feel uneasy about it. Don’t get me wrong Eva, I’ve had a good run, the best that any man can hope for – it’s just….
Just what Darkness? Do spit it out!
When I was in University I realized there was really only two types of people – the first just wanted to get jobs in big companies so that they could buy stuff that the world told them, they needed to feel human. The other didn’t really want to get a job – well, at least they seemed different from the rest, but like the proverbial pebble that gets ground down when the bills began to pile up – they eventually saw the wisdom of becoming company men. Well, I’ve always wanted to be my own man Eva – that’s to say, I wanted to be individual from the word go. I mean it may seem strange to you; but I actually respect that idea and ever since I could string a sentence – that’s the way, I have led my life.
And you felt that we cramped your style? So what are you saying, you want your freedom?
No, I am not saying that. Maybe I am not communicating too well. Let me put it another way Eva – most people in the world aren’t trying to be free – that at least, is how I see it even when they are waving their fist and screaming their lungs out for freedom in CNN. The way I see it Eva – most of them can’t really be truly free Eva, not when you consider how much they have invested their sense of being in the whole idea of freedom – they just think they are free. You know what’s really scary don’t you Eva?
If they really were set free, most people probably including moir wouldn’t know what to do with it. You’d better remember that Eva.
The Suriman Tales – The Brotherhood Press 2011
September 27, 2011
You know something tragic Darkness?
Tragedy is when you realize you’re getting white hair sticking out of your nostrils Eva.
I am serious. You’re tragic Darkness. You should be in the Council by now. If only you….
Yes, Eva. If only, I held my tongue and towed the line. If only I bothered with the social niceities. If only I bothered with this or that.
Why not, it seems to be a small price to pay to be elected into the Council of the wise.
No Eva. I am not one of you.
What do you mean by that!
It means we come from different worlds.
Oh. I see where you’re coming from – you’re referring to the ancient order of the purple.
You should at least have the decency of hiding your sarcasm Eva.
Why should I. The order of Purple is no more. Wake up, we live in a new age Darkness.
Yes and what age would that be eva?
An age of reason. An age that goes beyond your cult of hocus pocus…
(sound of a slap) Hold your tongue child!
Understand this child. When the internet was nothing more than a glob. We were the vanguards of law and order.
You and your kind were also the ones who held us back!
Back from what?
Back from greatest!
This is where you are wrong young lady. Before you people came along – the brotherhood was never about being special. If anything it was all about the idea of being ordinary and taking pride in that simple idea.
So now it’s out in the open. You still refuse to renounce your association with the order of purple. How many are there?
You and your masters can hunt us down like animals Eva, but trust me, there is still enough of us to go around.
You know that’s treason don’t you?
Yes Eva, but it’s a delightful crime don’t you think so.
The Suriman Tales – The Brotherhood Press 2011
September 27, 2011
What really is freedom of speech Darkness?
I don’t know Eva – coming to think of it, I don’t think anyone on this planet really knows. I reckon it has to be really close to one of those really profound abstractions like orgasm – you know Eva, everyone claims to have had one, even those who don’t seem to be doing it. But the really funny thing about orgasms and freedom of speech is everyone is so busy doing it, that no one has really sat down and asked themselves the really fundamental question: wtf is it?
You’re kidding me! Right? You don’t know what it is?
No Eva. I am dead serious Eva. I guess I could wikipedia it up and come up with a few quotations from some dusty sage. But you’re asking me a very serious question. Now let me put it this way, Eva. Consider this Eva, when a man drives to work – what’s really in his mind?
I don’t know. Getting to the office in one piece?
Yeah, but people are complicated – when you consider that, that person may stir his coffee anti-clockwise, be a Manchester United supporter, own a Toyota Prius, loath ham sandwiches and have a habit of keeping his gas stove on..
What’s your point Darkness?
All I am trying to say Eva – is which part of that man takes over the rest to come up on top of that mess to adequately define the whole idea of free speech? Honestly Eva, my point is most people are too busy freeing themselves to say what they want to say – no one has really internalize the whole idea of free speech in the way you strip down a rifle to it’s bare pieces – where they can say, that’s the firing pin, breech, chamber..
So you’re saying that most people don’t really know what’s free speech?
Yes. What about the internet?
What about it Eva?
Isn’t that free speech at work?
Sure Eva, that’s like claiming to be an archeologist just because you live in a cave – I mean, the ultimate irony could well be most netizens are the most parochial, insular and inbred gits ever to exist in the human timeline. I mean consider this Eva, what if free speech just happens to be an idea that the internet has absolutely nothing to do with – in the way, you, I or for that matter anyone in Ekunaba would never consider using peanut butter to lubricate let’s say a crank shaft? What if the idea of free speech has been so evacuated of meaning, because it’s been used and abused so often that it’s no longer a state mind – but instead has morphed into a verb like that word fuck?
I’ve lost you Darkness.
Now you understand Eva. Now you understand Eva.
The Suriman Tales – The Brotherhood Press 2011 / due to channel change in Phi Beta Kappa, Ekunaba and a scheduled change in Dotseng on a latter date – all transmissions will be captured and forwarded by the space station KDD Intrepid and KDD Kampala.
September 25, 2011
I’ve noticed beer gives you wings, Darkness…
I don’t mind the cruising part Eva. Infact I happen to think it’s fun. It’s the landing that gets to me.
I see, you mean those wings should come with wheels?
Yes Eva and loads of landing instructions.
Suriman Tales – The Brotherhood Press 2011
September 18, 2011
This is not a MRT project. Let me say this one more time. This is not a MRT project. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not saying there is no subways or for that matter platforms and trains. There is. But Gentlemen let’s look at the computer graphics once more and what you will notice is there is also shopping malls, office skyscrapers, cafes and God knows what else.
So what we are able to draw from this simple analysis is the MRT is only a side dish. It is very clear to me Najib’s cronies are planning to acquire prime commercial land on the cheap in the name of the common good by claiming to provide Malaysians with an intergrated transportation service. As you can all see this is not only a gross misrepresentation. But an outward lie. Am I calling the Prime Minister of Malaysia a liar. No! I am calling him a liar, a thief and a swindler! Yes, you can all quote me if you wish in Ekunaba. But that is my final position. And let me give you a very good reason why.
The question Gentlemen that we have to ask ourselves is should Najib’s government or for that matter any government in this day and age even venture into the real estate business? I mean this is a simple question and it hardly requires any elaboration why I believe it is a bad idea whenever government is directly involved in Land Development. My point Gentlemen is simply this. If Najib’s goal is to build a MRT, then by all means go ahead. Who the hell is stopping him. Go ahead lah! Build a good one like what we have in Singapore, Hong Kong or for that matter Tokyo. Only why is there are need for them to go into the shopping mall and commercial office space business while they are busying themselves with the cho cho train business? And why pursue such a loopsided strategy at the expense of small shop owners who stand to lose everything while Najib’s cronies and extended family stands to gain everything.
Gentlemen, we can disagree on many things; but I don’t think any of us in this house will have too much difficulty in agreeing that we may have found the good fight in a place called Bukit Bintang!
(Speech tabled at the Imperium before the four houses and the Confederation of Gamers Internationale Summit held in Primus Aldentes Prime recently)
September 18, 2011
THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
USER INSTRUCTIONS TO ENABLE SELF DESTRUCTION MODE OF DIMITRI CLASS SPACE STATION:
HOW TO SET YOUR COMPUTER FOR SDM
(A) Indent the script icon in the IMP by rotating the bridge key four times anti clockwise. (R) an audible alarm will sound on the fourth rotation and four windows will appear on the master navigation panel. (A) Commander enter username and password. (R) amber light flashes – please note you are now in general quarters and all evacuation pods in the vessels will be automatically enabled.
HOW TO COMMIT SDM
(A) Commander breaks the blue physical seals of SDM. (R) 3rd Class Officer from the Confederation will break red physical seals of SDM – (A2) Commander of space vessel must read aloud numbers in his blue seals. Confederation officer must concur read out by physically enabling SDM master board – if for any reason the numbers do not line up. SDM will be automatically aborted. and proceed to enter the self destruction codes in sequence. (R2) Go back and restart procedure again.
HOW TO COMMIT CONFIRMATION OF SDM.
Enter 12 digit code sequentially into the four windows and press ENTER 3 TIMES. (A1) Confederation officer will do the same on co-pilot panel. (R1) A green light will flash for 3 minutes on the master panel / if you wish to commit to SDM, do not press the ABORT icon. This will be followed by a 3 minute audible alarm – enter the 12 digit sequence code again. THIS TIME IN REVERSE ORDER / countdown will begin.
* Under the Primus Act operators must follow strict protocals of SDM. A failure to do so will result in expulsion from the game followed by the immideate destruction of the space vessel by Confederation forces.
This EAM message has been issued by the Council of the Wise under the directive of the Interspacing Mercantile Guild – reference number: 92303-00282AD
September 18, 2011
Najib Razak’s pronouncements to repeal the Internal Security Act 1960 should be seen in the correct context. Firstly, we don’t know what new laws will be enacted to replace the ISA and Emergency Ordinance. In all probability they may be worse – if Najib is really sincere about building a freer Malaysian society, he should have included both the Sedition Act and the Official Secrets Act, which historically has been used to emasculate the opposition. The removal of the ISA while retaining both the Sedition Act and OFA in the opinion of the ASDF will not guarantee freedom of speech to most Malaysians.
The ASDF believes Najib Razak’s motivation in repealing the unpopular ISA is attributed to two main pressure points.
(1) Firstly to exonerate himself from the Bersih V.2 debacle.
(2) Secondly to divert the public’s attention from a controversial plan to gazette large swathes of prime commercial land to build a MRT in Kuala Lumpur – the ASDF expects considerable long standing opposition from these mega projects as they are fraught with good governance improprieties relating to transparency and good faith. Since neither of these seem to be present in the implementation of the Kuala Lumpur MRT project – its fair to assume this issue will gather momentum and possibly even threaten the primacy of the BN in the long term.
Recommendations: The ASDF recommends that the Brotherhood self destruct all our soft assets in Malaysia and consider relocating our server assets in Taiwan. The ASDF recommends the active destruction of our the following assets based in the Malaysian gaming theatre with immediate effect:
(1) KDD Alor Setar
(2) KDD Pulau Pinang
(3) The Space station KDD Yap Ah Loy
Under section 17 / at 0630 GMT / Council has issued breaking codes to enable self destruction mode and auto relocate to our new home.
This message is skull coded – it is for your eyes only. END.
September 17, 2011
I want you to imagine a man who is in a hole. Not any hole, but one where the walls have the texture of Teflon – a hole that’s so steep that’s it’s almost impossible to climb out of without specialized equipment. And how did this man get into such a hole? What options does such a man in this sort of predicament have? This is key I think to understanding why Najib has repealed the ISA.
Before we begin – let’s ask ourselves one question: how did he end up in the hole in the first place?
Well, it may have something to do with his bad habit of regarding morality as a malleable thing – two events will conspire against this man to ensure he remains in the hole.
The first is his total failure to deliver on his promise of reform and this he demonstrated by mismanaging the recent Bersih protests. Najib stupidly allowed the police free rein to unleash violence on peaceful protestors – unbeknown to Najib’s personal think tank (this is not surprising as they seem to suffer from a total failure of imagination to predict anything of strategic value these days including the obvious it seems such as the terrible cost to self by foolishly shooting one’s foot) the mishandling of the Bersih protest completely alienated him from the ranks of the Malaysian intelligentsia – this is very dangerous as no Malaysian PM ever since Tunku Abdul Rahman has been able to consolidate his power base without the buy in of this erudite group – it’s fair to conclude, although the intelligentsia in Malaysia number only a few; their influence must be disproportionate to their numbers – the ultimate irony was the substantive message of the Bersih movement echoed many of the reforms that Najib himself had once sold to a skeptical Malaysian electorate.
Najib’s second downfall and I suspect (SMRT as well, if they are stupid enough to be sucked into this crooked Prasarana deal) may well be his political party’s greatest swan dive is his latest Byzantine vision to transform Kuala Lumpur into a modern metropolis by building a mass rapid transportation system – I want to be crystal clear. I am not against modernization – on any other day; this would hardly be a provocative subject. However on closer examination; this is not a bona fide project to deliver an integrated public transportation to most urbanites in Kuala Lumpur as it remains a cheap land grab of prime properties that is likely to have a devastating effect on the social and cultural fabric of cityscape in Kuala Lumpur. That’s to say, in this case – the government is not only planning to build train stations, but they also have an agenda to build shopping malls and offices skyscrapers on prime property by acquiring private property surreptitiously in the name of the common good – it is fair to say, there are plans to divest these lucrative interest to his coterie. This whole affair smacks of cronyism and underhandedness on a scale that makes Doctor Mahathir look like a kid stealing cookies – only one word can describe his vision – infamy.
So now you know why that man in the hole has no choice but to shout out to the whole wide world – look here, really I am a jolly good fellow – look at me! Look I’ve buried the ISA! I am a jolly good fellow! But Gentlemen, if we really aspire to join the ranks of the serious men of this planet; we best turn our attention elsewhere – the danger is we associate with such people; we too may end up in a hole one day pulling rabbits out of a hat like some five foot way street entertainer.
My name is Darkness 2011.
START: ASDF has been instructed to stop and drop everything. Repeat, this is an EAM (emergency action message) – stop everything! ASDF has been instructed to focus all resources on the latest Kuala Lumpur MRT project (stop..end transmission)
Transmission intercepted by the Tiberium class battlecruiser – the KDD Majestic and KDD Carolina somewhere in the strangelands
September 10, 2011
Once we pull this off Eunice. I don’t think we can even met up again.
This is going to be my curtain act.
And what happens to me? I don’t know how to hide the money.
I can teach you Eunice.
Well if it’s going to be like that, then play something nice Darkness – that way I will always have something to remember you by – I want to say that it has been very nice – and I want to apologize, if I was rude to you. But I don’t….
Words aren’t necessary Eunice. I want to play a piece now.
Yes Darkness, play and I will listen and then we will have dinner and you go your way and I mine. There is another way you know gypsy man.
No Eunice, there’s only this way and I’ve got to find what I am searching for.
Well if that’s the case Darkness – can I give the Brotherhood salute?
If you like Eunice.
Long live the Brotherhood!
The Suriman Trail – The Brotherhood Press 2011
September 8, 2011
Singaporedaddy: Yes, this water crisis is very regrettable – you know what don’t you – it will affect not only bilateral ties but also our interest.
Darkness: You know what Singaporedaddy, the solution may well be shit.
Singaporedaddy: Thank You Darkness. I really think we should continue this conversation another day. I’ve be off now. Do send my warmest regards to the lovely, but dearly unfortunate Eva….and do remind her to take her Vitamin pills that I sent her. You realize of course, she has been sending back very disturbing reports about you Darkness…
Darkness: I don’t mean shit as in shit Singdad. I referring to the process of converting human waste to fertilizer. Look here, we have cramped 6 million arses on one tiny space – and they all have to crap everyday – now that has to be a mountain of shit – consider this, what if there’s an industrial process to turn all that shit into something that has an intrinsic value that we sell back to the Malaysians? Get my point now?
Singaporedaddy: I have a feeling you’re going to ask us for more money again, so really, it has been delightful. But I really have to go now. I will appreciate if you could kindly remove your hand from my arm – do remember, we are in a public place and I happen to be a happily married man.
Darkness: Think Singdad, if we could just build a virtual plant in Primus to study the feasebility of such a project.
Singaporedaddy: None of us go to the lavatory in the virtual Darkness. For Godsake man, we don’t even have to shave, pick our noses or remove hairs from our nostrils. So really how do you expect me to get the Council to buy into a facility we don’t even need.
Darkness: That’s easy, we will just sit down with the gamemaster and ask him to come out with new rules – you know to make the game more realistic, we all have to shit daily etc.
Singaporedaddy: So let me get it right – they raise the price of raw water per cubic feet. We offset the price hikes by selling them humanure? What’s the downside?
Darkness: What downside? We are talking about backsides Singdad?
Singaporedaddy: Come, come all boy, there’s always a downside when it comes to you – out with it!
Darkness: Look Singdad, there is no downside – this is a perfectly viable business model that allows us buy water at a higher price by offsetting it in a commercial way so that it doesn’t hurt the wallets of the end users – the only downside that I can see is if 3 million out of 6 overdose themselves on dead rat satay sauce – I mean if that happens, then all bets are off. Because the shit that’s going to come out will be so big that you know it will never go down the toilet even after 10 flushes – unless you break it into smaller pieces with your silver hair brush or beat it with your shoe. I mean this was probably type of shit that killed Bruce Lee or Nicole Smith. But I don’t think we should bother about that kind of shit as it only really happens at someone else’s house.
Singaporedaddy: Mmmh humanure. You know Darkness old boy, you may have something there after all.
Somewhere in a park bench along Liberation Boulevard in Primus Aldentes Prime – The Brotherhood Press 2010.
September 7, 2011
Tell me something Darkness. How many banks have you robbed in virtual?
Never ever been caught by the Brotherhood Gestapo?
Never. I want you to understand this. I am the best there is Eunice. There will never ever be another one in the Strangelands who takes as much pride and care in the gentle craft of relieving heavy weights from those who are unduly burdened.
When did you first realize that you had criminal tendencies?
Just around the time when I figured out how to get coins out from my piggy bank without breaking them.
OK. I am thoroughly convinced. I’ve do it. But I have one last condition.
I need to music. But not just any music. I say, It jolly well has to be three parts De Profundis and one part Gershwin and the rest Rachmaninoff. And another thing, I want them to blend perfectly – shaken Mr bank robber, mind you not stirred. Do tell if you brought your famous violin with you?
I never leave home without my favourite plank.
Wonderful! Do play something Mr Bank Robber. Please.
If you like Eunice.
Suriman Tales – The Brotherhood Press 2011
September 7, 2011
“It takes a special type of idiot to talk about something so serious to so many people with his fly open. This can really only happen in the Brotherhood. This proves conclusively nothing is impossible when you work for the circus!” – Piranhna Pride
Comment captured from a thread in Ekunaba – The Brotherhood Press 2011
September 6, 2011
I bags the white, Mr Bank Robber.
Go for it, I like women who to take charge. But I warn you, I am really good at this game Eunice.
We shall see Darkness. Now do you mind sharing with moir how we’re going to get into those tunnels.
Look Eunice. It’s easier than falling over a log. Some idiot in Primus has broadcasted to the entire world, those tunnels that we all know aren’t supposed to exist, exist. Now the way I see it, it’s clear as day from that point onwards. All we have to do is get one of your girl power friends to convince the curator of the Free Internet Library that she’s actually Kitana – get it? That’s where I am counting on you and your crew. Once we are in the tunnels – then we will make it up as we go along – the way I see it – those tunnels were built somewhere around 2001, computing power was pretty basic in those days, so we aren’t talking about bio metrics or any of those complex codes – all we have to do is turn one knob after another and walk through a series of doors – we could just as well crack the Da Vinci code while trying to solve crossword puzzles – trust me Eunice, it will be easy peasy. The key is getting into those tunnels -once we are in, the rest is going to be a breeze Eunice.
If it’s such a no brainer – why didn’t your crew pull this capper off earlier?
We don’t have any girls in brotherhood – none who aren’t honory men at least – all we have is a bunch of nick nacks like Aurora, Eva and that girl who impersonates a HAL 9000. You’re the only suitable candidate Eunice – besides they are all either stocky and big boned Europeans and Americans. You’re the only Asian Chinese girl who we know managed to get into the brotherhood – why do you think, I pulled you out of that burning spaceship? I knew that you would be useful one day Eunice.
OK. But you’re still missing an important detail here Darkness – none of us know Kitana- coming to think of it, none of us have even spoken with her – how the hell do you expect my crew to impersonate someone that we don’t even know?
That’s the beauty of the plan Eunice – no one has ever seen Kitana before. For all we know, she’s a talking seal. You know one of those animals that the CIA regularly trains to do really important things.
I don’t know Eunice – jump through electric hoops? Look here Eunice, my point is no one has ever met Kitana before – not bloggers or for that matter even the curator of the FILB. Besides, he is the only guy who really matters in this deal – convince him and we are in.
OK. And once we get in then what Mr Bank Robber.
Simple Simon again – you see those tunnels where built for only one purpose during the great battle with the Aryanians – and we were really paranoid at that time – so we figured in the event Primus is attacked by hostile forces – everything in the vault can be transported to a shuttle via a transcontinental wormtrain – that means the vault isn’t like a fixed structure like a bollard – the beauty of the plan is this – the vault is nothing more than a really big cargo hold in a spaceship – once we are in the tunnels – all we have to do is find the door that leads into the cockpit and punch the green button and we are home free – simple as tic-tac-toe.
You thought of everything didn’t you?
Yes, Eunice. I’ve planned this for nearly 10 years.
Plan this. Checkmate!
The Suriman Tales – The Brotherhood Press 2011
September 5, 2011
Rob a bank? And what bank would that be Darkness?
The Laanstrad Mercantile Exchange, Eunice.
You’re outa of your mind Darkness that capper can’t be pulled off, not without ending up like Swiss cheese that is. Everyone who plays the game knows that. So what if you happen to know when the servers are going to go offline in Bukit Bintang. Big deal – that doesn’t change a thing Darkness – it’s still the most well guarded building in Primus Aldentes Prime, if not the whole galaxy – OK Darkness, let’s just say, you manage to find a pilot as cuckoo as you to fly you into the grounds. You still have to deal with the force field. And let’s just say you manage to get into the parameter by some divine miracle, those walls are almost impossible to breach – mind you, they are all lined with kinetic armor capable of withstanding the strongest explosives. And let’s just say, you manage to get into the vault – how are you going to crack the safe with a satellite link with 1000,000,000 combinations? It’s impossible!
How do you know all that Eunice?
No Eunice. Do you want to know why I pulled you out of that burning wreck in D’ni?
I would have done the same for you Darkness. We were after all on the same side. So that’s not exactly the deal of the century.
My point fuck puppet is I stick my neck out for no one – you see Eunice, I happen to know about your girl power gang. I even know your crew were planning to rob that bank to teach us male chauvinist pigs a lesson – do you want to know, who really brought down your spaceship? I did it, took it out cleanly with Aryanian plasma rocket launcher – that way, it would look exactly like enemy ground fire. But I want to be clear about this – it was strictly business, I was just following orders from the Council.
That doesn’t surprise me in the least – you’re all a bunch of inbreeding lying snakes in the brotherhood – yeah, so what if I wanted to teach you wankers a lesson – let’s just say I was an angry young girl ten years ago and I wasn’t exactly alone either. There must have been thousands like me who really wanted to fix you guys. Yes, we girls did play with that idea – but like I said, it’s a hard capper to pull off – so we just stuck to things like switching identities. Besides it’s impossible to fly over that bank – and if you really want to get in – that’s the best way.
Eunice, have you tried the tunnels?
Oh I see Darkness. You mean those tunnels that everyone talks about but no one has ever seen before?
Eunice, those tunnels exist. And they run right underneath the LME. You have to get me into the game, I’ve show you and your friends.
I can’t take this level of excitement these days – I need to dance away all this nervous energy – come on, we can continue this in a really nice bar…want to take a chance on life Mr bank robber?
The Suriman Tales – 2011
Miss Kitana’s writings are not gone. It is preserved intact in the Kennedy Wing (North Annex) of the Free Internet Library Board building just opposite the People’s Hall of the Hero’s in Primus Aldentes Prime. This building houses treasures from all over the universe, but mainly manuscripts and writings.
The FILB is a deceptively small building from the road. As it looks like a single storey building with a very high ceiling sorrounded by a lush green square with mature cedars.
But unknown too many it has an underground chamber spaning over 700 kilometers. It is about easily a thousand times bigger than the National Library in Bugis plus the whole MRT system put together.
The Kennedy annex is located in section 140 /room 091/ at sub level 16 / this level is sealed off from the general public and can only be entered by the curator and by miss Kitana. Her name is on the ledger as owner. All she needs to do is contact the curator of the FILB
Extracted by an Auto-Bot crawler – The Brotherhood Press 2011
September 4, 2011
I really don’t know how your brain works Darkness! But you have to be psychotic. Look here, it’s really simple – normal people don’t mix their avatars with their real personalities and mash it all up together like fruits in a blender – what they do is keep, these different worlds apart very much in the way, you put two different pairs of shoes in two separate shoe boxes – now you see why I find it very difficult to hold a coherent conversation with you.
All those different shoes still end up in one cupboard Eunice. Do you mind if I call you Eunice?
No! You cannot call me Eunice. Besides that’s not my real name! You have not been listening to a word that I have said, have you Darkness?
I hear you. I understand. But Eunice, you’re just having a monologue here – if there is a purpose to this conversation – you’re not here to convince me but rather yourself.
Huh! So what you’re saying now is you know me better than I know myself psycho boy?
Yes Eunice, in a very narrow sense – I know that you were one of the few women who snuck into the brotherhood ten years – and managed to remain undetected in the system till very recently. Now let me level with you Eunice – I am not only here to fix my dog – I want to know how you did it.
Why do you want to know?
You see I have this plan Eunice – I happen to know exactly when our servers in Bukit Bintang will be shutting down and moving out of Malaysia – are you ready for this?
Go on Darkness.
Eunice I want to rob a bank.
Suriman Tales – 2011
We may have to entertain the theoretical possibility the PAP may no longer be able to exist in its current format.
What do you mean Darkness, it needs to reinvent itself?
No that’s not what I mean – the term reinvention really only means one thing, reworking with what’s already there with minor alterations and retrofits – what I am suggesting is a completely different paradigm, one that requires the entire platform to be retooled and redesigned from ground up without any remnants of emotion baggage that is typically associated with the PAP. I guess one way to visualize this is to imagine the PAP stepping boldly outside its own skin and perhaps even take on an altogether different shape and form that even sets itself from what we have traditionally regarded as PAPism – by this of course, I am entertaining the possibility, the PAP is damaged beyond economic repair.
Yes, that’s a technical term that is frequently used in car insurance and actuarial circles – its rather apt as what it describes essentially is the logic that governs the whole idea of whether something is worthwhile repairing when its broken. Or just deciding to replace it with a new one – my point is the skeleton key that turns the decision nexus really hinges on one calculation – if that which is broken requires more resources to put it into order as compared to producing a new product, then it could be said, its not a viable option to repair it – and its possible, that the PAP as a brand has reached a point when its no longer economical to repair – under those set of assumptions, it makes far more sense to punch in the self destruct code and head for the escape pods.
And when do you think this will have to happen Darkness? You know the whole idea of rushing to the escape pods?
I think almost immideately judging from the results of the Presidential elections – if the custodians of power are really honest with themselves; they would be now realize from this point onwards its really at best a war of attrition – you see it is really like this; the PAP stinks as a brand. And its conceivable as far as the idea of toxic brands go, it cant be so different from the life cycle of BP when it literally dissolved into oblivion following the Gulf of Mexico oil spill – I guess many people will respond to the assertion of jettisoning the PAP brand by saying that the party has the resolve to reinvent it’self, but I think they are missing the whole point of the exercise.
And what’s the whole point of the exercise?
That they will have to use so much resources and effort to make the PAP brand work that even if they manage to succeed, that by itself might well be a catastrophic success. I think it’s time for the ASDF to move on from the idea, this may no longer be just a theoretical possibility.
The Suriman Tales – 2011