Being Kind to yourself – Part 2

January 31, 2012

Reading through my daily log entries last year has given me an opportunity to improve this year. I could, of course justify what I was once did with a variety of persuasive reasons – man is after all a thinking animal. I bet he could even justify mass genocide given enough time and incentives. But if the goal is to lead a purpose driven life – then we may all have to buy into one truism – that not only does it pay out naught to be stingy with ourselves by setting unrealistic expectations – but doing so may well imperil us, as the most exhausting thing in life is to be insincere with ourselves.

Day in and day out, we are inundated with images of what it means to be “purpose driven” and “gainfully present of our consciousness.” We compare ourselves with others – we berate ourselves for our “limitations,” in not being able to provide better for our loved ones, we even beat ourselves up by comparing ourselves to others who may seemingly be even more successful than us – not realizing that’s time is limited and it’s a waste to model our life on someone else’s life. In short, a pithy summary of modern life these days can at best be described as one, where we don’t even believe, we deserve kindness – the result: we feel beaten down and exhausted all the time, listless and a sense of spiritual deadness seems to pervade every aspect of our daily existence robbing us of the freshness of what it means to be alive.

I’ve finally realized the importance of being kind to yourself, – that simply means giving way to a greater force. For example, it doesn’t pay to try to fight mother nature, if it rains, its best to sit it out; if the sun hangs high, it’s doesn’t make sense to put in eight hours just because the world believes this definition of work is written somewhere in stone – lexicons, dogma and ideology that we have been scripted about work and how it is supposed to relate to the individual is the main reason why I have not been as productive as I wanted to be last year.

I am not saying, I did not work hard last year – only I wasn’t getting a decent return on my energy and that has to at least provoke thought – why not? If I had to point to one reason – all my life I had been looking for a way to move forward, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory to what I believed it to be, deep down inside me. I wasn’t naïve. I was just lazy and didn’t bother to drill deeper – I wasn’t really looking deep inside myself for answers and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could have answered. It took me a long time and much painful hard knocks of my expectations to reach a realization that the “I” should never be confused with they “we” – “they” – “others” – but myself – being kind to oneself allows every man to reacquaint himself with the idea that he is a unique being and all answers to the questions we may seek in this journey called life resides in all of us, rather than the broader expanse of the world.

Be kind to yourself.

Darkness 2012


“The greatest thing a man can accomplish in his life is to be his own man and to live under his own terms and not be bothered about what others may say of him – this is the height of self confidence and what it means to live a purpose driven life – you do not need Yahweh, Allah, Buddha or the Hara Krishna to accomplish this feat. All you have to do is to set aside some quiet time everyday and work on your own cadence and speed and trajectory – this I understand is not easy to accomplish these days: where to be nobody but yourself in a world is increasingly difficult in a world which is doing its best, to make you someone else or to sell you the life that you were meant to live, this for a man or for that matter any man to shape his identity must be difficult as he has to fight a constant battle and never stop fighting to keep his identity from being approprioted by the world – the world is adept in forcing it will on the ordinary man, this is does through a multitude of tools and means – given it’s way, it will tell a man, what car he should drive, what height his wife should be and even how many times he should make love etc etc – but I do not think this is my life, it is probably a life that came out from some propaganda poster or the mind of some bent pastor who is out to line his pocket by building a mega mall, if anything it is a counterfeit of life and if you care to look carefully around you, there are many level headed and so called sane people who may even be successful who seem to be everyone, yet nobody to themselves and their loved ones – they are hollow men in the same vein T.S. Eliot once wrote about – the walking dead only, they are wearing Rolex’s and driving V8 cars – but make no mistake, these men are living a lie, so do not emulate them, you are just buying into grief. This is because they have invested in the wrong things and placed their faith in mirages. Never apologize when you are kind to yourself – never even apologize, if it seems that requirement to be kind to yourself even means you come across as selfish and reclusive and difficult at times – finding your way in life means you have to be the CEO of your own corporation – yourself. When you are apologetic and coy in the way you set about discovering your inner self, you apologize for being truthful. You set about assasinating the truth and you end up being somebody else except who you were supposed to be. You are saying to others, “I am so sorry for taking off time to be true to myself.” To live for yourself is not to compare yourselve to others – you may feel that you are just going around in big and small circles – but do not feel dejected – be assured, when you are trully yourself and have discovered your real identity, then it is really only a matter of time before you will race ahead – this realization may take years for some men to discover and even take longer to realize, but if you make it a point to be kind to yourself, then it’s really only a matter of time before everything will just fall nicely into it’s right place and you will begin to live. I envy the man who is kind to himself – he is a free man and that is the heighest expression of what it means to be alive, it is not about getting X number of hits on your blog or being able to retire before 40, it is to live a life, where you know deep down inside you, wherever you go, you go with a true heart – when you do this, you become Buddha, Jesus, Martin Luther King and Gandhi all rolled up into one – your life becomes edifying and everyday that you live, you give others the permission to be free like yourself – be kind to yourself my friends, this is the lesson the land has taught me. Meanwhile, I remain yours Darkness, a student of the tao of the land.”

Darkness 2012

(Excerpt of a thread extracted from Ekunaba)

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