Why do we men shy away from the four letter word – LOVE

February 26, 2012

What would you say, if you only had one sentence before you had to pass on in life? I am sure it wouldn’t be, make sure the gas is turned off! Or, don’t forget to pick up my poh chim (bolster) from the dry cleaners. I mean if we really only had one sentence before we depart this world. It will probably be couched in terms of love for those who we truly cherish. We have a deep desire to comfort them and close the circle the best we can.

Yet what confounds me is – why do most of us have such a big problem with saying, “I love you.” We don’t mind sending a card. A SMS will be better. A twitter betterest perhaps? My point is we will do anything while we are still alive to avoid saying, “I love you,” to our loved ones – some people say its not our fault. They say the main problem lies with the fact that word “love” has been evacuated of all meaning these days. Its a cliche.

If that is why it is so difficult to say, I love you to those who are deserving of our affection and care? Then a cliche would be every reason why we would have absolutely no problems with saying, I love you. It’s after all just a cliche. Or maybe we don’t see it as just a cliche, thats why we seem to find so difficult to commit ourselves to the easy. To the perceptive reader, I hope by now you’re internally persuaded by the paradox; the irony even in the way, we (especially men) do our utmost to find ever more inventive ways to sidetrack away from saying, I love you.

One reason is because we fear commitment. And the highest form of commitment is to love and be loved in return. We fear because commitment means running the risk of getting hurt or disappointed. Or worse failing to meet up with the expectations of our better half. So we settle for “I like you” instead. 

Have you ever asked yourself one simple question: how did we mindfuck ourselves to one painted corner where we (this goes out to the guys) are even prepared to do anything to weasel out from saying, I love you. Might it have something to do with our upbringing. I for example have never ever heard my father say, I love you. Not that he had much reason too. My point is that could be one reason why we have so much difficulty in saying, I love you, as it’s due to the failings of our parents – they didn’t say I love you, so I don’t know how to say it now – well they didn’t teach you, get in bed and take off your panties! But you don’t seem to have any problems stringing out those words did you? If you happen to have kids, the cost of not being able to say, I love you has to be higher, as what you’re doing when you don’t choose to say, I love you is that, you’re inadvertently scripting them to feel just as uncomfortable as you are with saying, I love you.

Is there a conclusion to this piece? No! You see these are just some of the things, I meditate over whenever I work in my plantation. I need to respect you. I think this is one instance where I can only give you the facts, you connect the dots and do the rest – this is a two way thing, you have to do your part. 

Now again please, what would your last words be just before you depart this world?

Darkness 2012


Tree: Farmer, do you really love me?

Farmer: Yes, I love you very much tree more than I can express with words.

Tree: But how can I be assured of your love wise farmer?

Farmer: You can never be assured tree, that is why, whenever we see each other, I have to always say to you, I love you.

The Way of the Farmer – The Tao of the land – The Brotherhood Press 2012
(Readers please note due to overwhelming demand from the Westphalian chapters for the analects of The Way of the Farmer – The Brotherhood Press will be rolling excerpts at the end of every post – the e-book version will be rolled out on 25/11//12)

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