Missy Dotty, Lily and the Birds

I don’t think I’ll ever met another woman like Missy Dotty again. You see it’s really very simple why I can say this with such high degree of certainty – as whenever I am with Missy Dotty. She is the only woman in the whole wide world that I never need to apologize for the strange way I regularly see the world. I don’t feel the need to be a apologoest, to hide my affliction – my strangeness…awkwardness…and what I can only describe as peculiarity.

As in all honesty, I have never ever met a woman whose only preoccupation in life seems to be only to see the world through my eyes.

I cannot begin to describe to you how incredibly edifying that is to me –  it’s a bit like coming across someone and saying to yourself, “OMG, I am not alone after all! There are people like me!” In truth, its never easy for me to experience this sense of oneness, fellowship and telepathy with others. As I have always known deep inside, I see the world slightly different from all other men.

I cannot begin to describe to you, how truly happy we were whenever we were together just sitting for hours on top of some skyscraper amid row after row of ducts, vents and pipes just watching the care free flight of birds. It was as if both us had somehow resigned ourselves to live this strange sort of existence where we were both just consumed by the weird idea of spending as much daylight hours watching aimlessly the care free flight of birds. We were both strangely alive to the world around us, yet not fully immersed in it, still feeling our way in this strange unfolding world, not unhappy, nor happy, but nonetheless slowly changed by the subtle forces of the images dancing in our heads all the time.

If you didn’t know better. You would have probably thought we were crazy back then. Both of us – crazy as bats. And no one would ever guessed. They all thought we were successful, well-adjusted mature professionals holding down responsible jobs. It’s strange even now when I think about it – how people looked up to us, when deep down we were both just so incredibly peculiar.

At that time, I had a habit of breaking illegally into rooftops of skyscrapers in Raffles Place. Most time I would climb up like a spy to the top and call her to join me when I had managed to open the door. At other times we would impersonate tradesmen by dressing up in dirty overalls and carry ladders, buckets and a dirty bag and go through the hassle of conning our way all the way up to the rooftop.

That’s why when Missy Dotty married Dan the dentist. I felt that I had lost not only a friend. But a confidant , kindred spirit and soulmate as well. I felt that lost acutely. And I reacted to that vacuum by holding on stronger to those memories – I believed, as long as those images of me and her replayed in my head like some projector and were still before my eyes, it would be as if I had somehow resurrected her from the depths of oblivion, as if I had been momentarily brought back her back to life by just the simple act of remembering.

If something inside is broken, I just feel the need to put it back together again with my own two hands – that’s just my way of coping. My way of making things right. I realize it’s a weird way. A way that I feel that only one or two people in this whole wide world can really only understand.

A way that I know deep inside my heart…Lily can only understand and no one else. In this sense, there are so many similarities between Lily and Dotty. That is why despite all the trouble….a part of me doesn’t want her to ever leave. In that sense, I don’t think it’s one way. No. Not at all. As in truth, it’s very much a two way street. I want to be honest. I want to be true. Otherwise this journal would mean very little.

Darkness 2013