Exorcism Kampung Style

March 15, 2013

To the Malays who live in the kampung. I am known as the one who can communicate with the spirits who live nearby in the mysterious jungle. These spirits are known as the Orang Bunian. Till today it remains a great mystery to me why so many consider the farmer as a man who can fellowship with these supernatural beings.  

Perhaps it is because they believe I can transform into A-Mak, the giant mythical white monitor lizard who the tribesmen deep in the jungle venerate as a spirit being that may from time cross over to this world from in the spirit realm. Though I suspect, it may have more to do with with lashings of jungle moonshine.

Some have even claimed that they have seen and had a conversation with me in this altered state, though I have no recollection of such an encounter – then there are others who remain perplex how it is possible for me move unseen, unheard and to appear in two or more places at the same time in the plantation. Or for that matter how a man can spent so much time in the jungle and yet feel so at ease in what many consider to be a hostile environment – but whatever their beliefs – in the countryside it is virtually impossible to deny the existence of the supernatural – supertition is rife.

After nearly five years turning the wheel of life as a farmer. I have concluded just as religion is a form of opiate for the masses – so is supertition. It runs deep into the marrow of plantation life – to me playing this role is not about being someone so different that he may be considered a charlatan. It’s really just a means to an end. Not so different from discovering the similarity in what is apparently different, and finding a means to reach the end – that is to palliate the fears, soothe the anxieties and ameroite the concerns of those in my community.

As Shakespeare once framed it:

“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,

My attitude is simply this: if they believe – then I have very little choice but to play that role. This is after all a role as old as the hills it’self.

I understand if those of you reading this in Singapore may consider the sum of all this as just hocus pocus – but I assure you all, what makes it real is belief – hence it has to be real. Very, very real indeed.

Darkness 2013


“Spirits jumping into people are all very normal and common occurrences in daily plantation life – there is never a boring day for me. It is really like Amytiville horror, Jasper the ghost and the Blair Witch project all rolled up into one kooky package – as when the spirits jump into humans, it’s not so different from commuters jumping on a bus who drive them to that other world- they seem to do it all the time.

I want make it clear in plantation life – the devil not the Western conception of the guy who goes around trying to chalk up souls. Neither is he necessarily a baddie. He’s really just a normal bloke.
Possibly even a jolly good fellow – he’s just really someone who fulfills a very important function on the community.

there was this time when a young school girl tore off her clothes and demanded that I kiss her. I banished the spirit by whispering to her licky licky and kissing was not my thing, I rather tie her up and fuck her ass – when she heard this, the evil spirit left her in one blink of the eye – poof! Next thing, she was begging to have her clothes back again.

On another occasion when an evil spirit jumped into a villager. He became so violent and started threatening his neighbors by swinging his machete wildly – again I was called after the Bomoh (medicine man) despite numerous attempts failed to calm him down – I looked into the eyes of this man – and told him plainly, I shall turn his weapon into a poisonous snake on the count of three – and after he came to his sense. I assured him that I will speak to his boss about his crushing debts. And again like magic. Poof! The spirits departed.

There was even a case when a young school teacher began to behave exactly like Linda Blair in the movie, the exorcist – eyes rolling back, green vomit complete with deep Ah Kuah voice – even the bomoh and the local saih kong (ghost police) ran for cover –  it scared the shit out the villagers and since no one knew how will be next, productivity fell drastically- and again I was called to chase out this naughty spirit – I simply looked this woman in the eyes and counted from one to ten and told her that – life is beautiful. It need not be like this and I shall do everything in power to find her a husband and again evil departed. Poof! She was back to her previous self again. 

The question now Gentlemen is do I believe in all this hocus pocus? Well let me put it this way – many years ago when I first started farming in Africa – I realized that it is almost impossible to deny history, culture and many of the myths, legends and folklore of a community – if one does not play the part. Then it is almost impossible for one to be an agent of positive change in a community. In Uganda my farm hands referred to me as the Shahidi Kalo – as I was a rain maker. A cheiftan in his own right.

Now to be honest with all of you, there is really no magic to all this – all I would do is aim my antique anti aircraft gun at a big fat cloud and loose a shell filled with silver halide and lance the clouds to create rain – but as hard as I tried to explain to the Adomako tribesmen how this could be done – no one believed me – so eventually, they said the Chinaman who wears knee high boots, flared riding breeches and sported a shoulder holstered revolver has to be a shaman, medicine man and intercessor to the the forces of good and evil.

In Singapore I suspect there are also many incidences of spiritual possession involving the upper echeleon of the PAP – as they seem to say one thing and do the complete opposite all the time – in my opinion, there is no known cure for this sort of possession – it is like terminal cancer.

As you can see for yourself gentlemen – life as a farmer is much easier in a rural plantation setting. Much easier I suspect in Singapore. As over there both the custodians of power and mainstream pressed are not only possessed. But they do not even know they are possessed.”

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