Log 28-07-13

Plantation: Roadworks commenced today on front fork roads – granite rocks from SC was unsatisfactory. Only two lorries were ordered. The rest from EK.

Back section filled in with large rocks – this is experimental. I will see how they perform during the coming rainy season.

Weather: It has rained twice. A suggestion that the rainy season may be creeping in – so far only light drizzle. If it rains this week. I need to prioritize walking around the estate and to find out how the new road works are performing. I expect some tweaks would be required. Two weeks from now I have scheduled for touch up of road works.

Concern: Top soil run off’s – I need to be smart about this. I may not be able to control how much water comes down from the heavens. But I can certainly channel and even slow it down to a crawl. To do this successfully – I have found large stones to be very effective the blunting the cutting power of fast running water – I got 50% of the solution right last season by digging those giant ditches – now with these large stones to act as water breaks – I believe, I can nail this problem once and for all this coming rainy season.

Birdhouse: painting of grills, ceiling and walls have begun yesterday – during morning inspection. I told J and his wife – I was not happy with his shoddy work. They would paint it again. And again, till its right.

Health: My appetite seems to be returning – or maybe I am just making up another row of intelligent excuses to consume alchohol – eat mainly in CT. Taken to the habit of drinking a small bottle of tiger for lunch. During dinner a large bottle. I think this improves my appetite – so that presumably fools one part of my brain to eat even when I don’t feel like eating – I need to be mindful that my brain is not cunningly steering me towards alcoholism.

It never fails to amaze me how lucid my line of reasoning is when I have committed myself to do a thing. Such as fleshing out the wisdom of wearing the same clothes for days. Or brushing my teeth only on alternate days. Wearing the same pair of socks for days.

Hygiene level is reasonable – but judging from the number of flies hovering around me all the time. I may not be an objective judge.

I need to get over the idea that I am unbreakable. Need to set aside all this macho Michi claptrap and just consider the theoretical possibility that I may be suffering from a form of depression and dysthymia.

I need to find out a safe and reliable way to get medication for my condition. I need to do this secretly in the city. I need to make friends with a lady psychiatrist.

Sleep: still comes with considerable great difficulty and much effort. I have to stop moving uneccesarily and cultivate the discipline to remain very still in the dark – if I can keep to this simple discipline – restful and nourishing sleep is possible.

Mental state: I seem to be thinking about rocks all the time – large rocks for the roads, large rocks to construct a patio flooring – large rocks for water brakes – large rocks to skirt the roads leading up to my house.

What the fuck is happening here with this Flintstone mode? – spent the whole day on Friday building a rock road like giant Lego set. I know the work is satisfying and it’s even conceivable it’s a form of therapy along with the idea it’s sound and logical from an engineering standpoint.

I just need to be mindful, it doesn’t go out of hand.

Politics: I should not speak too much. I should just encourage others to speak while I listen intently.

– my enemies will never get a buyer for that parcel of land. I will make sure of that. Not at that price. 160 per acre is way too high. A fair price would be 100. No! Cannot go above 100 as it’s terraced land and there is the possibility another acre would be taken in the next ten years by the government to run more power lines.

I am willing to consider 120 with a possible swap option and CE. But on one condition – the other parcel of land at the back, that they must also sell to me for 120 per acre.

Otherwise no deal. I will wait them out. Starve and make life difficult for them.

I must find a way to use time as a weapon if I am to win decisively – otherwise there is a danger this rivalry may end up being a costly war of attrition that may bankrupt me.

I have decided to suspend all major business decisions for the time being and just concerntrate on this plan to enlarge my land holdings.

Keynote: I need to hold it together. If I even let go so much as one second – everything will just unravel like the spool giving out string – it will be fast and furious.

I need to snap out from this sourpuss dandy mode. I cannot be letting my guard down. I am surrounded by sharks. They can smell blood – sense even I am wounded. Fresh blood is trailing. I must continue to pretend to be strong and unbreakable. I must just focus my mind to accomplish this mission.

Nothing else matters except this mission. Not my happiness. Not even my well being – I have to see it through. I have accepted the idea. I live from now onwards only for this purpose.

I need to get more land – time is not on my side – the kids are growing up fast. They will need more $ than they think, they need – I need to circulate and put my ears close to the ground to be effective – need even to make the effort to shave and sit for coffee with the village elders during the evenings. Pause and make small talk with the merchants.

I cannot allow myself the luxury of leading a hermits life surrounded only by my tribesmen and dogs, building rock roads all day long – this is a form of fantasy I reckon. An effort by my diseased mind to escape my responsibilities. I cannot allow myself to fall into this degenerative state where I can no longer distinguish between fact and fiction – I have to be sharp like a samurai blade.

I have to win! And there is so many things against me – I can trust myself. I think that is the part that bothers me the most.

* Hari Raya will fall on the seventh – need to time the next harvest precisely to make sure everything comes together like it should – small talked with tractor man. He wants to build a birdhouse – told him, it’s a long term game. Minimum 5 – 7 years gestation period. Risk and commitment is very high. Market still in a state of flux.

I need to brush my teeth and try to sleep now.