Darkness what is the cure, if I look like a girl?

September 26, 2013

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Actually this is quite a embarassing question that men usually ask of me (usually they tell me not to tell anyone, so I wouldn’t reveal any names, except perhaps to mention, this is a problem that Harphoon seems to suffer from).

For some inexplicable reason. The problem is especially acute in our fraternity. However I am happy to report the Interspacing Mercantile Guild has just conducted a one year research program into the causal factors for this phenomenon along with recommending ways and means to cure this problem with the proper selection of hairstyle, wardrobe etc etc – the good news is they have reached the unanimous conclusion looking girlish can be reversed etc etc.

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“If you happen to look like a girl that can be very disconcerting along with distracting in business.

As whether you like it or not – first impressions matter. One way to cure this affliction is to go down to Cash Converter and buy clothes usually worn by uncles who have passed on – remember my impersonation techniques in the best seller, “How to succeed in life like a Mossad secret agent.” – the goal is to leverage on the power of unclehood – this is what you have to do, sport a old fashion hairstyle. Like so.

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Do not try to dye your hair white – as my Indian barber tells me, if you do that, your hair follicles will die and you might end up bald as a billiard ball. Something to do with the corrosive effects of the bleaching agent. Besides its not effective, as the new hair that grows back will be black.

One way to accomplish an older look on the go –  is to use shoe white (you know the type that kids use to paint their shoes), after gelling your hair, dip the comb into this whitener and brush it a few times really fast – don’t over do it, or you will look like a flock of pigeons just bombed the shit out of you or bits will fall off when you talk to people and they will avoid you as they think you suffer from chronic dandruf.

Try to wear square glasses. As research shows that men who wear square glasses are usually perceived to be more mature and serious. That’s why undertakers and lawyers usually wear square glasses.

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Grow a moustache and goatee if possible that should add another 5 to 10 years.

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Dont make funny faces in public.

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Smoke a pipe.

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Drive a traditional businessman’s car. Do not go and modify it. Tolong or you will go right back to square one!

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Wear only traditional accesories. Please do not wear a Samsung smart watch, tolong!

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Try not to move, figid or mix around with younger people during social events. I find it helps to think about whether someone is going to sue the shit out of you for your last blog entry.Try to start sentences with the words, “young people these days……” whenever you are having with a tete de tete with mature and serious company.

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Consider taking up hobbies that only old and mature folk play such as golf. Watch this video. As I got alot of tips on how to come across as a more mature person to succeed in business. Remember the secret agent blends in to accomplish his mission.

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