Safehouse – when gaming knowhow steps right into the real world

October 15, 2013

explosive_bolts2I have alot of enemies. I know one day a gun man is going to appear right out from the blue and pump me full of lead. I am not afraid of death. Not at all. When that day comes, I will be ready.

My only concern is that everything that I have worked so hard for all these years must go to my wife and children – if I am assured of just this. Then nothing can fazzle me. Not even the prospect of death

Having said that, if it comes to that –  I am not going to make it easy for any of those cheap pirates to send me to the otherside. No, if they want to take me out, I am going to make sure this is going to be their most expensive contract. As I intend to take as many of them with me. The more the merrier.

I guess if I decided to live in the city. I wouldn’t require bomb proof doors. Or armor plated windows. 

But since I want to stay close to my beloved birds and trees deep in the plantation where my nearest neighbor is at least half an hours drive away – and since I am especially fond of long walks with the dogs in the afternoon. I just find it impossibly hard to give up this desolate lifestyle – it wasn’t always like this. In the beginning, I felt marooned and terribly lonely. But after so many years of solitude, I have come to regard this way of life as the only one I want to live.

But to stay in the plantation is a very dangerous proposition – it’s my one Achilles heel. From a security standpoint at least. 

That’s why I have engaged the expertise of the keymakers Guild – these are a bunch of mysterious gamers who specialize in designing everything that swings open in the virtual. They are so passionate about their craft – they ONLY design doors along with an assortment of controlled entry products exclusively for the gaming world. Everything from space age high tech space doors that go whoosh to doors that can even transform into autobots that fight right back. That’s how it is in the virtual worlds – since it’s a blank sheet, everyone is free to take an interest in their field of interest. Some like to design spaceships, others plasma guns and magnetic boots. As for the keymakers Guild, their speciality just happens to be doors.

Recently while constructing my safehouse in the real world, I contracted their services to design a set of security doors for each room – I left the criteria as wide as possible to give them all the greatest lattitude of creative freedom –  they agreed, on ONE condition – what they design must be fabricated into the real world without any alterations – I agreed.

Result: the keymakers guilds have designed many aspects of my home with their usual kooky flair – such as an indestructible door with no keyhole, handle or for that matter any features that leads to my private study. Its armor plated with a combination of honeycomb steel and reinforced concrete. The door frame alone took seven men and thirty days to put painstakingly together – it opens and closes by sensing my finger print through the slit where the door and frame runs. A laser beam reads the refracted image and compares it with a databank. Guaranteed to be unbreachable. The keymaker guilds, the finest purveyors of doors in the whole universe even tested the prototype design in the gaming world by unleashing a mob of armed zombies – none of them made it past the doorway.

On another door – the keymaker guilds have designed an ultra silent bolt that opens and closes whenever I do a jig. A camera tracks my gait and reduces it to an alogrithm that feeds information into a computer that tracks me wherever I walk in and outside the house (so I can open this door even when I am not before this door) – since my gait cannot be mimicked and it’s personal to me. No one can open this door except moir – I don’t even have to touch a thing – I just have to walk up right up to it and extend my hand and it opens automatically – this door even has three doors within one door and even senses the gait of all my dogs and allows them to walk in and out freely – should an intruder attempt to pry it open, it will communicate with all the doors and window frames in the house and automatically go into combat mode – there are three gradations of combat mode.

The first is to containment and psychological warfare – where the door is able to secure it’self to three levels of security when an attempt of forcible entry is made – at the same time, it will begin to make strange noises, as if the house is haunted. if that level is breached, it will step up to neutralize mode by slamming the door in the intruders face or pin him down. The third is combat mode – where the door will communicate with other doors and window frames in the house to put the intruder in hospital – every aspect of the security is designed with a dash of humor – but there is also a serious intent that is an indelible hallmark of all portals designed by the keymakers Guilds – they are all designed to misdirect the enemy to lead him to waste time chasing dead ends,  nothing is ever what it appears to be, not even a door. As it can come alive – that simply means when an intruder enters my safehouse, he will find himself in a virtual maze where the house comes alive and hopefully eats him up and spits out the bones.

This way when they come for me which they certainly would – I will be ready with my army of intelligent doors.

Many people think that gaming is just gaming – they have no idea how dedicate those who game are to their craft or how much pride they take in developing new products which can so very easily be transposed into the real world to find a market niche. My long term goal is to create a means to tap this latent resource and if possible even leverage it as a means to make money – I have already done this my using my wall of sound software to attract birds for my new birdhouse venture – not only for the Keymakers Guild, but other guilds as well like those chaps who design plasma guns where you can keep firing till your finger freezes without having to endure pesky magazine changes etc.

If any of you reading this have plenty of enemies who regularly want to put you in a body bag – you can always drop me a note. I will only be too happy to recommend my team of defence engineers in the gaming world to all of you for a fee – trust me, they are the best in the whole universe and you certainly wouldn’t be disappointed. Beside the Keymaker’s Guild are famous for their code of silence.

In the virtual had it not been for the keymakers guilds dedication. It’s unlikely I could have survived nearly 891 assasination attempts – this is their first project in the real world. Judging from the orders coming in – it seems, they are set to make waves in the real world as well. My hope is many of you will support such projects.

PLEASE NOTE THIS OFFER IS NOT VALID FOR SINGAPORE. AS SINGAPORE HAS THE MOST REPRESSIVE INTERNET LAWS IN THE WORLD. AND THE KEYMAKERS DO NOT WANT TO BE FINED $50,000 OR GO TO JAIL FOR 3 YEARS. AS MANY OF THEIR DOOR PROJECTS ARE VERY HUMOROUS AND REGULARLY POKE FUN AT PEOPLE. THEY DOWAN LA.

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“When I first ventured into farming. I went to a bank to seek a loan. The bank manager asked me why should any bank back someone who has never commercially farmed before. I told him rather proudly, three years ago I won the gold medal in the gaming farming sim Olympics. I even showed him a receipt of a tractor that I won in Slovenia. This guy laughed so hard, he nearly fell off his chair and in a moment when he must have completely forgotten where he was or who he was talking too – he even uttered the words, “what an idiot.”

Three years into real world commercial farming and fast forward to today this same bank manager sends me a hamper every year with a card that writes, “I hope we can do business one day.”

Three years into farming one day I just woke up and said to myself that I am going to build the biggest birdhouse within a radius of 500 miles on a hill where I lived – when a wealthy and very experienced birdhouse consortium elder asked me why was I so cocksure that I would get birds when the failure rate was 80%. I told him that I once fought a long and protracted war in the virtual with weapons fashioned from sound – I went on to tell this man that the same technology could be easily transposed in the real world to attract birds. He told everyone that I was a psycho.

Today I steal his all his birds with my wall of sound – and he too sends me an expensive hamper every year with a note that reads, “I hope we can prosper together.”

The moral of the story is simply this. Do not underestimate what you do not fully understand or maybe I should say – do not be so stupid to draw a conclusion on a matter simply because you have neither the interest or inclination to drill deeper to understand a thing.

This is serious if you do not want to lose out in the competitive race – as when you waste a strategic opportunity, you will be playing catch up for an awfully long time.

As when you just act without fully understand a thing for what it truly is – you might just end up closing a door called possibility and opportunity. And once that door shuts. You will know the meaning of loss. And since you have neither the key or handle to this door – you will just have to make do with standing out in the cold.

After all let us face facts. Let us even talk like men to men. You see only what I allow you to see – that’s really another of saying all your data doesn’t even add up to a hill of beans. It’s just meaningless gibberish.

So if you don’t have someone from the inside any more to show you what door to open – then my advise to you is put ten men on the job and ask them all to go start from scratch.

Go on! But where to you even begin? How do you start searching for something that is supposed to exist but you don’t even know how A is connected to B and so on and so forth. Well the short answer is,

Imagine a door that stands before you – it has no handle, keyhole or for that matter even any discernible features that you would usually associate with a door. You stand before this door and you’re trying to wrap your head around it – to get through to the other side. But you don’t know how too.

Now you understand how the bank manager and the bird nest tycoon feels when a door which was once wide open suddenly closes and they suddenly find themselves standing in a country called ‘lost.’

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