If you want to blog, please learn to manage conflict. Otherwise bye bye lah. See you!

October 31, 2013

As a general rule I try not to step in whenever I see two factions in blogoland slugging it out – I much prefer if they sort out their problems by themselves without involving others.

As when too many people are involved in a melee – then experience informs me it runs the risk of snowballing into a sort of factional cum partisanship rumble that usually comes encrusted with so many personal and positional issues which may have absolutely nothing to do with the crux that sparked off the storm in the teacup in the first place – result: instead of both sides learning how to resolve conflict independently, maturely and intelligently, what we end up instead is a ‘call the policeman’ or ‘outsource it to a lawyer’ attitude along with embroiling themselves in pie in the sky haggling concerning fuzzy concepts such as “online civility” “bloggers ethics” “code of condutct,” along with conceptual black holes such as “cyber bulling.” – and that as we all know only too well is the preferred method of internet confict resolution that is favoured by the PAP which is no bloody good at all lah!

The reason why I much prefer to adopt this bochap attitude can very easily be mistaken for the idea that it has something to do with promoting free speech.

But assure you all, nothing can be further from the truth.

In truth, there is a much more practical and useful reason why I believe very strongly everyone who steps into blogoland should try to wean themselves away from the cry baby attitude of yelling for help whenever they find themselves embroiled in online controversy – which incidentally seems to be an affliction that is particularly common amongst the ranks of those bubble wrapped PAP politicians – who keep on insisting the Internet is a feral place populated by pot noodle gobbling zombies who harbour some malevolent agenda to tear society asunder, (that to me is really just code for: I don’t have either the imagination or intelligence to manage conflict lah in the Internet. I also dunno how to thrive, prosper and get buy in, in an environment of complexity and diversity. In other words, I am a dinosaur lah)

Instead I believe, the onus is on every blogger to learn the art of how to stand on his or her two feet independently, if possible without help and to manage conflict intelligently, confidently and most importantly in his or her own way.

That to me is the only reliable way to blog grief free. There is no other sustainable way.

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“This hardly requires any elaboration. In life it will always be a very foolish proposition to try to control what others may think and even say about you.

If you are silly enough to buy into that idea, then I can almost guarantee you that you will lead a very unfulfilled and unproductive life. Worst part is no one will one to fuck you. As you will be so stressed up all the time. You will probably look and behave like either an angry bird or a Ninja turtle.

Besides that is not how intelligent folk go about leading a purpose driven life – what they do is discard the minimum pay out route and just go straight for the most gainfully efficient way to get ahead in life.

That simply means instead of investing in the idea of trying to control what X, Y or Z segment of society thinks or regularly say about you – it makes far more sense to just control what’s happening between your ears – as when you think long and hard about it – that is within your control – and this you can do by remaining calm and composed when all others want to do is to push your hot buttons to make you jump up all the time.

When you have developed the skills sets to control your responses to what others may think and even say about you to a point where they can never ruffle your feathers – then you would have begun the process of learning how to be comfortable in your own skin and that is just another way of saying, you are now someone who is able to manage others and most importantly yourself in a very effective way.

That if you must know is the first strategic precondition of learning how to manage conflict intelligently. You must first control what is happening in your own brain. Do just that and I can almost guarantee you…99% of your internet woes will melt away like lemon drops.

Disregard this advise and you will just be like a spinning top diffusing all your energy to the wind…full of sound and fury…signifying absolutely nothing….”

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“Be thoughtful and considerate towards the young, especially girls. They are very fragile like flowers.

And it’s perfectly normal for them at that young and impressionable age to write, say and do things that is bound to raise eyebrows – this is the nature of young girls.

They cannot help themselves. They will always be impulsive and capricious and that is just a polite way of saying – they will experiment with all sorts of things, including states of mind along with different schools of thought.

As since they have not fully awakened into the full breadth of womanhood yet, it is quite normal for them to even behave in this petulant and childish manner.

But always bear in mind they are just growing up and the process for lack of a better word is simply part and parcel of the human condition.

So if you have nothing positive to say to them. It best not to say anything negative either.

Let it be, after all if you see a flower growing on the sidewalk – do you go out and stomp on it? Let the chastening passage of time shape them.

But if you single out young girls with a premeditated design to make their life miserable in the name of free speech and that other internet credo, ‘if you can’t stand the heat then get out of the kitchen’ – then I think you are no different from many of those thin skinned politicians who like to deploy fear to get your way.

And if you do this in a mob – thinking that you can hide behind the strength of numbers. I would seriously advice you to think again.

As under the very same guise of justification that you invoke to write whatever you write in the greater glory of free speech. Someone out there in the infinity of blogoland can also choose to make your life miserable as well for the same reason. Be mindful, free speech is like a double edged sword….it can cut both ways.

Oh I am so sorry….do you mean to say, no one has shared this chapter of the facts of life with you? Do you mean to say, you didn’t realise, there is always a possibility, it can all come around?

Perhaps I should elaborate in greater detail how this might come about.

Let us see. Where shall we begin. Oh yes! Someone could for example circulate your name in the many gaming forums that number in the thousands and label you as a character who needs to be instructed in the error of his ways. Trust me, it’s perfectly legal. You can’t stop me for calling you a fucked up person who likes to bully young girls who can barely protect themselves. Remember I have my freedom of speech wat!

You on your part may think this is a big joke. But one day when you graduate from university and turn your attention to the serious business of gainfully turning the great wheel of life – you may suddenly find many doors are closed to you. Worst of all, you may not know why or even who is behind it or for that matter how could this be pulled off – it will just be a niggling thought that someone in the shadows is hunting you, but you are never quite sure – as there is only a whiff, a lingering suggestion…..

Of course lah the person interviewing you will not tell you exactly why you didn’t land that job. Why should he? After all whether he chooses to volunteer information to you or not is really a matter of his personal prerogative. Remember freedom of speech? Remember what I said to you that it can all come back like a boomerang.

Coming to think of it, neither is that person who just road blocked your career obligated to share with you that he is a closet gamer who likes to command a space station in his spare time like how so many men like to still play with train sets – after all, he’s not committing any crime not even when he makes it difficult for you to land a job – remember he like you has the elemental right to free speech – neither does he need to even share with you a third stage guild navigator may have once mentioned to him in passing “teach this person the error of his ways.”

Coming to think of it, since we all have our freedom of speech top hats on – and we are all wearing our color coordinated, ‘if you can’t stand the heat in the kitchen’ mittens – I am not even obligated to tell whether this may or may not happen to you. Or for that matter whether it is even possible.

That is why I think when you are young, you should try to sow seeds of good will wherever you go. Above all don’t take the attitude that what you do today will never come back and haunt you latter on in life.

Because if you happen to be the sort who is foolish enough to believe that you are bullet proof or some sort of pocket tai kor who can just deal out unmitigated grief to young girls without the slightest care in the world and hide behind the veil of freedom of speech.

Then you may just incur the wrath of the serious men of this world. Who incidentally just happen to have the same freedom of speech as you. Who may all even subscribe to the ancient code that the young, stupid and old must always be protected.

Yes, I understand. It is not as simple as it once appeared now…life that is…who would have ever thought ordinary living…the variety that doesn’t even involve jumping out of airplanes or operating heavy machinery should suddenly be like walking on a razor’s edge where danger seems to lurk even in the most benign of places.

Yes, I understand. I understand completely…..

Only trust me….these men will square the accounts….I hope you can find some way to forgive me for my candour – as I mean well. After all, you hardly blame me for thinking and saying the things I do – I am after all just exercising my elemental right to free of speech…by the way….how does my freedom of speech Kung Fu kick feel against your ribs now?

Just remember there is plenty more where that came from.”

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