We all like to be good

December 26, 2013

We all aspire to goodness. That at least is how I see it. We aspire, which is of course very different from being good.

Even those who will not balk at unethical means to achieve their contorted end, and those who deceive, lie, employ the black arts of treachery and betrayal along with the fabled notorious all aspire to goodness.

What else can account for generous donations by mafia dons, nefarious industrialist insisting on sponsoring the Mahabratha and of course blood thirsty dictators who are often depicted doting on perfidious faced children.

But I wonder what really lies beneath the will for even the unabashed amoralist to seek closeness with the idea of goodness? Could it be goodness holds out the promise of redemption to the damned? Or perhaps by some wonderful alchemy, these seemingly diabolical monsters are just really good deep down…and it’s really world that shaped them to be who are…

I wonder what accounts for the irresistible allure of goodness….even for those who may be damned?

————————————————————
When I first started to turn the wheel of life as a farmer. I was just a simpleton who was happiest minding my own business –  planting row after row of palms – one day I saw an immaculately dressed rich landowner in a creme bush jacket standing beside a shiny black Mercedes looking down at me from high above. He was on a hill – I took off my baseball cap and waved at him – he merely looked on impassively. I remembered his features, they were granite hard and he had an aloofness about him that was characteristic of all landowners – as if he was fashioned from stone – that very night, gangsters knocked on my small little hut. I was told, if I wanted to live, I should consider selling my tiny veggie patch to him and return back to Singapore. So I fought them all and eventually his lands became mine.

After that, that motherfucker cobbled together a motley crew of landowners to fight me. And I fought them all tooth and nail. I gave back as good as I sucked it all up.

Eventually all their lands became mine. And another came. I fought them as well. I have been fighting so long that I cannot even remember not fighting. 

One day when I was sitting down in kopitiam minding my own business munching on kaya bread and kopi O kauh – a group of businessmen sat down on my table. They poured me tea and called me taipan – that was when I realize there was no one else to fight in this valley.

Recently, I cast my eyes across another valley – as I need more land. That was when I saw him from a promontory – he looked like just a simpleton who was happiest minding his own business – planting row after row of palms in his veggie patch. When he saw me, he took off his baseball cap and smiled innocently. The man had just finished wiring his chicken coop. It was a beautiful smile and if I had to hazard a guess, this must be his first run at a season. They all have that wide eyed look of optimism when they’re new. I remembered muttering to myself – As I looked down from high above. I could tell this man had absolutely no idea that an invader was standing right before him or even the slightest inkling why I had come all the way here.

At that very moment, a storm of memories swept across the desolate plains of my consciousness…and I remembered who I am and whence I came from …that was when I looked down and said to myself, “Yes….I understand now….I understand completely”….the circle is now complete…I have come full circle.

The horror…..the absolute horror.

“every thing that you love, you will eventually lose, but in the end, love will return in a different form.”

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