Managing people who hate

September 23, 2014

For one to stand an even chance of succeeding in life and business. It’s not really a case of mastering the seven habits of highly effective people. As it remains the very unpleasant business of being able to intelligently manage – the seven habits of highly INeffective folk.

One dominant characteristic of ALL highly ineffective people is their uncanny ability to hate others for no apparent reason.

Contrary to popular urban myth. You don’t have to disrespect, malign or diss these people for them to hate you. It could be hate is just their preferred means of dealing their their frustrations and everything that’s not going well in their world. You just came along into their line of sight. If it is not you…it could just as well be the person next to you.

Could well be. They hate you. As you come across as different and seem to share very little in common with them. Might even be, they hate you because of the way you walk, carry yourself and come across to others. It’s really horses for courses lah for people who hate and it’s ultimately self selecting.

You could even be sitting in one corner minding your own business doing nothing except breathing and enjoying the simple pleasures of life such scratching your guli’s and these people will just hate you.

But all haters share one thing in common – they all secretly yearn to be like you in some way or another. Trust me they do! That’s to say. There is something that you have that they simply wished five chili hard they had and when they see you – it just reminds them how inadequate, unfulfilled and utterly disappointing it is to continue living without that thing. So one way of dealing this pent up emotion is to hate.

And because they are so terribly far off the mark. They can only be overwhelmed by an acute sense of insecurity. Insecurity leads them to succumb to feelings of inferiority. This leads to fear….specifically the fear they are been threatened. And that leads to fear…and fear is the firewood the fuels hate.

Business is war. The highest acme of war is not to engage those who may hate you in a protracted and expensive battle. Any bloody fool can do that. But if you’re going to invest so much of yourself in zero value activities then how are you going to make headway?

Hence the importance of mastering the art of subduing your enemy totally and completely with highest level of economy.

To accomplish this feat. It’s jugular to FIRST understand rather than to respond automatically with hate and derision to who hate you. Once you understand the rest as the Americans say is easy peasy.

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‘It’s a misconception to believe some people hate you because you may have done or did not do something that somehow deserves their ire.

Truth is for the man or woman who hates for no apparent reason. He and she can hate for an infinite range of reasons ranging from the way you look to whatever lah.

So if you respond hate with hate. Then all you’re really doing is supplying firewood to fuel their grand furnace of hatred that these people have fashioned soMewhere in their heads. To put it another way, you’re actually giving them the means to legitimize the reasons why it’s perfectly valid for them to continue hating you. That to me is a very inefficient way of managing people who hate.

A better way would be to get into their heads and understand them in the way one opens the casing of the bomb to cut either the blue or red wire. This is key. This also requires social ninja skills.

Sun Tzu once wrote, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” What this means is you have to understand the reason for why this person hates.

I once had a boss who used to single me out for bullying. One day I went to his office and I said to him, ‘you can’t figure it out can you?’ And I just left. He was of course perplex. Who wouldn’t be. But what this man did not realize was that I had planted a suggestion in his head…..a seed that can only germinate and grow, grow and grow and overshadow everything in his averagely miserable life.

From time to time when he encountered me in the water cooler, he would ask, ‘what is it that I cannot figure out.’ I would smile at him knowingly and reply cryptically, ‘when you are through pretending to be Mr I have life all figured out….then we will talk further about this matter…..I don’t believe you are serious.’

In the weeks that followed, this man who was once a paragon of authority and command was reduced to a nervous wreck of a whimpering mass – this is the power of psychological warfare. And one fine day when he could bear it no more and must have felt like a hand grenade ready to explode into a million bits. He came up to me and said, ‘you are right….I can’t figure it out….I have a Porsche. I even own landed property. I gym. I even spend money on skin care products….but you…you…I don’t understand.’

I told this man to let it all out as the truth will set him free like a bird. And eventually he confided to me. When it came out, it was like a tsunami of emotions that had till then remained repressed and now like some leviathan that had broken loose from its underwater moorings….it all bubbled to the surface…nothing could stop it. In a gist the root for his hatred stemmed from his lack of success with girls. To paraphrase. No girl wants to fuck him lah! So naturally he harbored a pathological hatred for all men who girls are naturally attracted too.

This sad man would often go around with a shard of glass stuck to his head…wondering why no one wants to fuck him despite his best efforts. It seemed as if he was cursed. Meanwhile I just listen impassionately.

To cut a long story short. After listening to him for two hours, when he asked me for a prognosis – at first I agreed with him that it’s conceivable, he might be unfuckable after all given his Guiness Book of Records, lamentable trek record. Then he asked whether perhaps I could help him. I went to ask him whether he could offer me anything in return. To cut it all shorter. After that day. I never ever had any problems with my boss again. Could even keep a crisp card board and whip it out for a siesta providing I wasn’t caught by the panopticon CCTV brigade. He would confide to me regularly and I even managed to earn consultancy fee as a personal coach. We got along like a house on fire thereafter….but I reckon, it could have turned out to be very different….yes, it could have…I could have hated him….but tell me, what would that really accomplish?’

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