50 years!

I was asked recently whether I would be free to attend a 50 year do in a nearby plantation.

I asked what for? Tell me please…what is there really to celebrate?

Maybe that was what I meant to ask. Well at least….I sort of asked it somewhere in my head.

In truth when I was asked…..I just smiled sheepishly at the rah rah brigade and told them politely, thanks for inviting me….I will be there. When the time comes….I will probably make some excuse to skip the party.

Sometimes it doesn’t pay to be obnoxious.

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‘In general, I think people can get annoying because they are trying really hard to convince you, others and themselves that they are a certain type of person that they simply aren’t.

They just try too darn hard. Try to please their bosses for that promotion…try to upsize their tits to make their boyfriends love them more….try to come across as the guy whose got it all figured out. Life that is. Try even to force everyone to acknowledge the fact that they are that person who they know deep down they’re not – and when one tries that hard, it can only disappoint.

The solution, I reckon is to focus on who you really are and striving to come to terms with the idea – you don’t need to pretend to be the man or woman who isn’t you. You just need to be comfortable with the notion of who you really are – to be so comfortable in your own skin.

That’s when a certain magic happens when everything becomes effortless, labor less and just smooth and easy.

Seems easy enough. But it isn’t. No it isn’t….ants can’t do this. Neither can hamsters either. That’s why they’re always panting…running from one task to another diffusing all their energy recklessly. I reckon some humans can’t do it either….as they haven’t really given the whole idea of life that much reflection. Or even have the wisdom to press the pause button on life to think deeper about what sort of person they want to become or even how one should strive to be that person.

How can they? It’s not as if they are to blame. Not when you consider most of us are already marinating in a kooky world where everyone from politicians, parents, pastors and people who are trying to sell you stuff is busy trying to plant a flag in your brain all the time…24/7 – trying to convince you this or that is what you really need to make life better! To make you more fulfilled. Secure and happy.

Or that you should change to be this or that other person who you don’t even know whether you really want to be…or that you should buy into this and say ‘no’ to that, so that you can gain the respect and approval of people who you hardly know…or ever want to associate with.

We truly live in a crazy world that tries too darn hard to make a man or woman someone he or she isn’t! Isn’t meant to be. That at least is how I see it. The problem with modern life that is.

There was this time when I was just walking aimlessly in Orchard. It was during one of those in between moments – when one just has time to kill. There I was in a sea of humanity and somewhere between two lamppost. I found myself stopping and staring at a poster of a full length ad for men’s underwear. I think it was Calvin Klein. I can’t be sure. It was a long time ago. There I was looking at this image of a semi naked man clad in just briefs….wondering to myself…whether it’s really true….the power of underwear can really transform a man…give him chiseled features…a six pack….great biceps.

That was when it hit me like a ton of bricks. A rare moment of epiphany. As if I had a managed to step right out of the frenetic pace of life. A life where one just goes right on like a zombie Duracell powered bunny. Going to work everyday…buying loads of stuff to be someone else…to be accepted…to belong only to do all over again day after day. Never once questioning that idea.

Yes. The very idea of a man stepping momentarily out of the cacophony of city living, stilling everything around me in the way one presses the pause button. Only it’s the world that stops, while you’re still all there like some curious man whose wandering in a museum all by himself.

In that one moment, I knew exactly how I wanted to live the remainder of my life. I did not know it just like a fuzzy abstraction. It was so very clear to me. The notion that I had to reclaim the ‘I’ somewhere from the vast hinterland of ‘we’ and ‘them.’ To live my life according to my own terms and not by the lofty standards of some funny man that I saw on TV. Not even by the measures of those who I craved love, approval and a sense of belonging.

I know it sounds a bit selfish. The idea of a man living for no one else except himself. To be beholden to no one….to be moored to nothing….to be shackled down to no known concept.

But that was really how I saw it then when I stood there that evening.

A solitary man transfixed by this ad that was trying to sell men’s briefs. Wondering….how utterly impossibly ridiculous life had become.

After that day I never looked back. And I am glad today I made that decision then and there to be the man I was always meant to be – a farmer.

Life will always be a funny thing, I reckon. You don’t need to cut all the cool moves or make the right decisions all the time for things to fall into their rightful place.

That’s not true..not at all. You just need to get the basics right…the fundamentals by working real hard to keep all of yourself intact in a world that keeps wanting to take a precious slice of you all the time. That’s really the beginning and the end. That at least is how I have always seen it.’