Managing people who always want you to fit into their box

April 12, 2015

Some people will only respect, love and approve of you, providing you are willing to fit into their conception of what is right, appropriate and normal.

To put it another way, they are only willing to treat you well providing you fit into into their box.

That’s fine. But if I have bend head over heels. Dislocate every bone in my body and turn my whole world upside down just to fit into their box just for the sake of getting along.

Then I much prefer to go my own way. Dowan lah! I just get backache wot!

The way I see it is very simple. If the cost of getting along means I have to cannibalize a valuable part of who I am that I have spent years crafting, experimenting to a point where I am confident – it works! – just to appease others and palliate their fears, insecurities and irrational phobia by pretending to be someone who I am not.

Then to me that’s not only terribly laborious, it’s also stressful, possibly even mentally unhealthy and most definitely unsustainable along with condoning nothing short of a form of theft, specifically a hostile act to appropriate my character.

Dowan lah!

I much rather go my own way. Do my own thing. Be my own man.


‘Do you notice some people are just rude. They want you to conform. By this I mean they want you to think, act and react exactly like them and if you don’t – then they’ll think, there is something wrong with you.

I mean if I am taking out my anaconda and masturbating in the village square and giving the auntie brigade mass fainting spells and heart attacks – then I can well understand the collective insistence for conformity.

But if all I am doing is living my life as peacefully as I can and having views that may differ from others and keeping them all to myself.

Then it’s very inconsiderate, rude and presumptuous for others to insist that I should change.

After all how logical is to change someone’s character, if one doesnt even bother to take the time and effort to understand that person?

How would you like It, if I just went over to your house and started shifting your furniture around in your living room, telling you where this or that should ‘rightfully’ be along with why I think that’s the best and only way to live your life.

Most people when they are confronted with peer or higher authority pressure. Conform without ever once questioning. Not realising when they do so – they are actually buying into an inferior pariah dog logic by trying to be someone who they were never meant to be. Hence many end up living miserable and unfulfilled lives simply because they don’t have either the courage or fortitude to go their own way.

But for the man who knows that his character is a studied thing like a how beams, pillars and columns come together to create a cathedral – such a man will never simply just conform for the sake of conformity – that’s to say, he will never just take out things that make up who he is and add in stuff that he knows will add zero value to his character. You can do anything you want to this man, ostracize him, teach him a lesson on why the nail that sticks out will be hammered down….it will all come to nought…as this man will have absolutely no qualms in going his way.

Many brilliant minds are lost in this callous way – that is why if one takes the trouble to look at moribund political hegemonies, firms that have trouble to finding the imagination to prosper and families which are usually riven by parvenu’s, yes men and self serving people who can only perpetuate the status quo ante and no more – they all think, see and say the same thing – everyone is a facsimile of everyone – as they are all manned by indifferent people who think they have a right to script the lives of people right down to how they live, work and play.

By callous narrow minded people who will always regard diversity as a threat to their way of life rather than a opportunity to carve competitive advantage. By those who are so parochial and obsessed by the idea there is only one truth – and if you’re not with us, you’re against us.

When one begins to tabulate the human cost in terms lost opportunities that comes from having to conform robotically without ever thinking and interrogating – it’s staggering enough to suggest one should seriously consider developing the necessary life skills to learn how to walk away and stand alone.

Don’t leave home without it! You never when you will need it!

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