August 5, 2015

There are times when I sense something else is going by, just beneath the surface of everydayness; like still waters running against the current deep…deep down.

Something I had known for a very long time and had always been there, yet not there; I am sure there was a time when I saw it all so clearly; how it stood before me in marvelous completion – like the feeling of knowingness of only comes farmers whenever they stand at the edge of their lands watching the passing of a seasons – but with the chastening passage of time; it’s blurred away, muddied with layer upon layer of thoughts; that feeling of familiarity; that feeling that now seems like something I once knew so very well, suddenly stands as a stranger before me.

But, it’s coming all back….yes it is.

Sometimes when I awake from a dream, it seems I have it just within my grasp, only for it to slip away again like a train that curls and disappears beyond the horizon; it occurred only last night somewhere between the time when the moon slipped over the mountain just before dawn; I saw it all again…fleetingly…furtively.

Yes….It’s all coming back now; yes – that feeling of familiarity; I am almost there; it shan’t take very long before it all comes around. Remembering that is.

Remembering again….to hear it all; to feel it’s hemispheres and contours like the texture of stone, feeling it’s touch again like a tear drop on the cheek of time. To take it all in like a man standing before the majesty of a starlit sky on a moonless night. To sense the closeness of the stars even when they seem so very faraway. To feel their heaviness in the marrow of one’s bones, that one might even believe, they can suddenly drop from the heavens like ripe succulent fruit.

Remembering makes it all possible….

Yes like fruit; heavy sweet fruit….the sort that rolls with a velvety texture of wetness; sweet, succulent wet fruit; cool to the touch with it’s dew dripping freshness; I remember now where that feeling came from – the same one that followed me like a shadow during daybreak in the field – I reminded myself, I shouldn’t fight it – it will past, it always does and I shall stand in its wake and see the before, during and after like a meteorite against the inky darkness; during the return trip to the house this morning that same familiar feeling shadow me again….it never once left me….not so much as once.

yes, that familiar feeling – is you – I realized then and there, you were always in my heart and you never ever left.

From that moment onwards I knew it was pointless to fight it; this small life of mine can never compare to that greater other that lies somewhere like another country…continent. Always there even when it’s afar – how silly of me not to have realized this.

Why did I even bother to fight it? Don’t I belong to that beauty; the same one that we once shared – with these thoughts the rain stopped and all things were suddenly rendered still and at peace…..only I, the mythical traveller who has journeyed thru the vast indolent ocean of time…remain….I remember now.

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