The contract girlfriend – Part 2

August 25, 2015

The girl who proposed to be my contract girlfriend recently sought me out to ask – why don’t you like me? Am I not beautiful enough for you? Do you not find me desirable? Why do you make fun of me?

I told this girl in a fatherly tone. Do you see the flowers that bloom? She replied, ‘yes it is all over your land. They are very beautiful aren’t they? Why don’t you put some of them in a vase?’

That was when I turned to this sad girl who felt rejected and shared with her, ‘your beauty are like these flowers. They may radiate exceptional beauty, but they are also decaying…that is to say, they will not last…it is not meant to last….so please don’t invest so much of self worth and sense of importance into things that are only fleeting….because one day when your beauty fades away, you will be left with nothing.

Invest only in the things that can endure the test of time such as character, work ethic and thoughtfulness.

With these words, the girl who proposed to be my contract girlfriend fell into deep reflection.


‘If you were a beautiful girl or a handsome man in the moment of your youth – do not try to remain young and fresh forever. As all you are doing is fashioning a God of delusion that will lead you to endless suffering and cancer of the wallet.

I know there are many things one can do to seemingly preserve youthfulness, by all means do all these things, if that make you happy and gives you confidence. Only always cultivate a keen sense of reality and balance about the prospects of aging and above all don’t go overboard in trying to stop the chastening passage of time. That is hardly realistic nor achievable. You might as well go and plough the sea.

In other words learn to be comfortable with the idea – as you age into your thirties, forties, fifties and beyond. Every level of life that you will go thru will provision loads of opportunities for you to be beautiful in your own way.

For instance a young girl may be beautiful in her twenties, but in her forties and beyond she can also be very attractive as well, as her maturity, quality of thoughts, rich experienced outlook towards life lends her character, complexity and depth. You know a ice cool coke is great on a hot day! But sometimes you want a certain sophistication and refinement in a woman, like a 2009 Santa Rita Sauvignon.

It is same with a man, when he is young, he is like a wild open top roadster that can go zero to sixty in six seconds flat! But who is to say the man of seasons of his age, even in his forties, fifties and beyond, can come across as attractive as well – by that stage of life, he knows when and how to pick his battles like chess pieces. He’s got just enough scars to remind him not to stretch too far for fear of snapping the string – he takes risk, but only calculated ones. He is like a stately and polished S class Mercedes tearing thru the windy Pyrenees. Here there may certainly not be the rush of raw unplugged power. Then again that is not an aspect that one expects from a well engineered German automobile…..the ride is tamed. You hardly feel the road, but do not let impressions fool you, as it is undeniably powerful under its own terms, since there in this case there is the essential element of supreme control. Power without the ability to control is worthless, now you know why so many rich idiots die in Ferraris.

Both ideals, the beauty early and later on in a man’s life are beautiful in their own way as what they offer is unique.

However, if you are in your forties, but you still have your eye in the wrong place and still furiously chasing youth like a teenager or pursuing diversions which cannot possibly be of your age. Or you like that contract girlfriend who is just milking her beauty and youth for what it’s worth. Then I say you are in very dangerous territory.

As when one invest in the wrong things in life, there can be no such thing as harmony….no symmetry….no adherence to form and function….no such thing as maturity even and very little in the way of lasting wisdom – as at that stage in life you should have already weaned yourself from meaningless and trivial self consciousness pursuits that add very little to your character.

If a man is in his forties, fifties and beyond doesn’t cultivate himself well. He will never develop the essential gravitas, depth and nuance in his character. Instead he becomes a caricature of his age….this to me is the height of ugliness.

Or if a woman in her forties is still making hay out of her good looks dressed as a teen instead of leveraging on her attractiveness…she too will be very ugly…a joke.

Do you see what I mean? There is this idea of the complex man and woman – the multi layered man and woman who experiences things in life, reflects on them and draws valuable life lessons. You can sometimes see this in the expressions of sailors or farmers – it’s like a look of quiet resignation mixed with two parts of knowingness.

I am not really up there with those great farmers – but one day I too would like to see the world thru those knowing eyes. To hold an orchard that yields sweet succulent by just rolling dirt in between my thumb and index finger, to tell me like a stallion how far and long she stretch her legs to beat the capricious wind. To see the world with equanimity to a point where one can regard success and failure as one reality – because one knows how to pick oneself up after an epic fall only to brush off the dust and murmur, ‘maybe I will get luckier next time.’ These eyes of knowingness – that is never self conscious of the illusion of the self.

When a man is STILL self-conscious, all he is really doing is demonstrating that he is not conscious of the self at all. It is a form of lack in one’s character.

The chances are, this man doesn’t know who he….what role he is supposed to assume in the community along with being clueless where he is heading. He has no idea….he’s just a fumbling fool…a caricature of his age.

If this man knew or had knowledge of these things and what age imposes on him, then there would have been no problem – then he would not behave like a teenager and flit around seeking the opinions of others to validate his existence. Then he would not worried what others think or say about him – that is it is irrelevant to the man who has arrived at his season of age!

When one is still self-conscious, one is in trouble. As one’s self-consciousness indicates that the man is still a child and he yet to find his rightful place in the world… your age.’

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