Thoughts about the rain

August 28, 2015

Just fertilized my lands. Fertilizers are pricey this time round. They’re like gold dust, so I need to make every gramme count. So far only three days of rains in the last week and a half. Not nearly enough for the fertilizer to seep into the ground and nourish the trees….I need more rain.

But it’s turned on it’s axis ever so suddenly. I didn’t even register it. Do you notice….it’s getting hotter and drier of late.

A new season has kicked in. I can’t read this one like the others….I cannot….it’s an unknown quantity…something profoundly alien….written in a strange alphabet that I am unable to decipher. All I can do is run my fingers along it’s deep etched groves as I wonder to myself what lays instal for me.

The sensation is like a giant hand pulling on some great lever that sets into motion an entirely new scene with a new script and a new story and obliterates the happy story you have in your head of how things will or are supposed to turn out.

I am not so sure now there is rain after today…I know the skies are dark…humidity is high, but I don’t sense the life giving rains at all…it’s like not there.

If that turns out to be true. Then I’ve miscalculated terribly, bad move. No happy story for boys who make silly mistakes. Sorry, It’s not going to be one of those stories where the hero goes thru buckets of shit in first two thirds of the movie only for him crush the serpents head, save people and planet along with get the girl as well. That’s fine with me as I know – that’s not what life is really all about…it’s not like the movies.

Sometimes things don’t ever come full circle like a one hour, forty five minutes movie. They just stretch right on like of one of those roads that seem to run so far out into the horizon that it disappears into a single point….like a solitary star.

Could be a crippling disease. Feeling useless because you can’t get a job and bring back the bacon like you should. Or maybe it’s the terrifying prospects that you’re not going anywhere at all with your life…that it’s just stuck there in a rut. Whatever it is that you have to sort out keeps going on and on with hardly any certainty at all or even with the slightest promise it will all end well – all you are conscious of is how every moment of this uncertainty cuts you up like a knife, it’s like living in the razor’s edge. The tension is so high…it’s unbearable.

That if you must all know is the sum of all reason WHY so many people much prefer to live with the happy illusion that life is certain…must be certain…knock wood some more certain lah!

My fear is the rain might have stopped completely. I may have miscalculated. I timed the fertilization to coincide with the arrival of the South Westerly monsoon that is supposed to kick in this time of the year…but there is still no sign of the monsoon…that Primadonna is late by a full two weeks and a bit this year. Close to a no show. I can’t read the weather this time round.

I may have miscalculated terribly…but look on the good side. It’s not really hazy yet, that means rain clouds are still breaking far to the south west and it’s dumping all it’s load into the seas…there is still the hope of rain coming my way.

I need all in all twenty one days of rain. Less could do. But twenty one is the best, three down….eighteen to go. I am not too picky. Don’t care anymore could be short, tall, heavy, skinny, or even Amos Yee rain. Thunderstorms and tornado’s auto invite. Need it! Otherwise fertilizer will just be completely wasted….it will all be for zero if the rains don’t show up.

Otherwise I would have read it all wrong this time…I better polish up on my rain dancing gig.

——————————————————————

‘There is no such thing as certainty in this world….is there? That is just a sugary illusion most humans believe in like the tooth fairy…a necessary lie that takes the sting out of how we could just as well end up as victims of randomness.

The power of certainty palliates fears, nourishes the infantile dream – tomorrow will be better than today, if we just keep our shoulder to the wheel, like one of those colorful postcards of distant lands that we stick in our cubicle, it’s there to gives us false hope by nourishing our yearning to know where we are along with where we might be going too.

Truth is ordinary living is at best a capricious affair. The sort that doesn’t even require you to operate heavy machinery or hang at the end of a flimsy rope could just as well do you in and change your life for the worst…or better….it happens thousands of times everyday, miss a bus, catch one just one millisecond later or earlier, scratch your balls in the wrong or right traffic light and the right or wrong person sees you…and somewhere within that calculus where opportunity intercepts destiny and your whole entire life could very will change for the better or worse rolls like a dice… decide to scribble down six at first and instead go with eight because a fly with eight legs, or that at least is the number of legs you think it has, at the national lottery counter, smile or growl at the auntie who finally hands you your ticket and it could just as well end with all the magic numbers lining perfectly or everything remains exactly the same where the only thing that seems certain is the new found belief teeth are not meant to last beyond 40 and you’re no longer a spring chicken….but there is never any certainty about life at all is there….that has to be terrifying to most people and that may very well account for why we need to fashion the God of certainty..that deity of all shattered hopes and dreams being superglued back together and made whole again.

Yes…I see it now, the expectation of certainty in this world is at best a worshipped illusion.

Having said that doesn’t stop politicians and hacks who may still peddle their kow Yok message of only we can be the reliable purveyors of some of ‘let the good times roll!’ or to sell themselves as architects of something that just keeps on going forever. But that doesn’t happen anywhere at all…..may last for a while, but soon it all comes crashing down….doesn’t matter what it is, stock markets, the fortunes of a country even the weather…they’re all filled with terror of uncertainty….in 4,000 years of human history – humanity has always been in a state of perpetual flux, there has always been political, economic, social and sectarian upheavals bubbling to the surface of the great human experiment, but one common denominator features as a recurrent theme in the entire timeline of human history – there is no such thing as certainty.

It’s like talking about snakes in Norway – the bloody thing doesn’t exist at all!

What has always existed is…the awful reality the only thing you can ever be certain about is more uncertainty. Uncertainty. Wars. Famine and human conflict. Economic shifts. People voting with their slippers en mass and just picking up and walking towards a better tomorrow. Or that at least is what they believe. If they can just keep putting one foot in front of another and head North and not bother too much about the pesky details…then everything might just get better. The key word is ‘might’ and it falls short of the golden standard of certainty. Nothing is ever certain.

Right down to things like whether it’s going to rain tomorrow….

It is only when one is mentally prepared and mature enough to come to terms with the idea the world is elementally uncertain…that this is intrinsically it’s essential nature in the way only leopards have spots, then we will not be unduly disturbed, worried or even anxious about what the future may hold for us.

As when we continue to expect certainty from something that cannot ever be certain, this will only cause us untold suffering….this is what happens when one invest in a lie wholeheartedly – as a result we worry constantly about the bad things that will probably never happen at all.

Will the ringgit continue to fall? Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t know. But what I do know is even if it goes right down to the proverbial long kang….life will still go on. What about the great Chinese economy, is it spluttering and bleaching out smoke and just starting it’s great swan dive? Again. I don’t know. But let’s say the equities market in China tanks and everything slows right down to a grind….life will still go on.

Is it really true that this year is the mother of all El Niño? The weather boffins have all been chanting, burn baby burn! Since May. What about Najib, can he last the full term? What happens after him?
Ditto.

Whatever the answers. Whatever the outcome and however it all pans out…good or bad. Only one thing will always hold certainly true – life will go just right on and on and on….may have to make a few adjustments here and there, but for the best part, that how it will be – just like one of those straight roads that I talked earlier about that seems to stretch on into the yonder of infinity forever till everything converges on one point, like a solitary star in the night sky…that star could be billions of miles away, could even have died out a long time ago and all you’re seeing is a remnant of what it used to be, as it’s all cooled but died…but life will just go right on.

I know….I know the world may seem as if it’s pouring out all of itself into the long kang…but I am still very glad to be part of it. As that is really how life is. It’s always been uncertain.

Will it rain sometime in the afternoon or night today? What about tomorrow…I don’t know…but like I said, I know life will just go right on. Maybe that’s all that really matters…to know deep down that whatever comes….life will be able to go right on….well with a few bumps, of course!’

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