The paradox that is the fear of loneliness

September 10, 2015

In the city. Everyone seems to be under extreme pressure to search out for that special someone who is supposed to complete that missing part of their life….they all believe in this idea unconditionally in the city.

City folk all believe, if they can only find this special person who can make them 100% whole and complete …then all of life will just pour into their boring mundane life in full technicolor and stereo sound blah blah blah.

Hence the perpetual quest…but despite their fervent yearning…they will never ever find this mythical being that will somehow complete them….because the true essential nature of every man and woman is to be found only in loneliness.

And even should this other person who can someone complete the incomplete person be discovered….there will always be loneliness even in togetherness.

One reason why we all seem to suffer from an automatic loathing of loneliness is because our scripting and conditioning informs us, loneliness is synonymous with suffering….but nothing can be further from the truth.

As a man and woman can really only attain maturity and wisdom thru an appreciation of loneliness. Once all the contours of loneliness are known like the lines in the palm of one’s hands – then the idea of solitude is born within the crèche of loneliness.


‘Man is the only creature on the surface of this planet who seems to regularly experience great difficulty in being man.

Don’t you think this is very odd?

Even monkeys, parrots, snakes, dogs, gold fish or for that matter any other species doesn’t suffer from the same affliction of man’s confused state about his elemental nature and being.

For example, you don’t see a cat behaving like a crocodile or a rabbit impersonating the dietary habits of a grizzly Alaskan bear.

In nature a monkey behaves like a monkey, just as a dog behaves like a dog…there is a natural order to the affairs of things.

But for man…because he always confused as to what his BEING should be or NATURE should rightly be – he is always in a perpetual state of identity crisis.

Hence his fixation in creating all kinds of social constructs to define who he is along with fleshing out his terms of engagement with the world.

That is why the dellima of man compels him to look everywhere for answers as to WHO he should be and HOW he should manage himself and others…he looks everywhere except in the most needful and resourceful place….deep within himself!

As a result the average person falls into a vicious cycle where gradually he is scripted and conditioned to only find his place in the world thru the superficiality of friendship, social role playing, political games, movies, pulp fiction, the meniality of work, religion and what I can only describe as shallow social associations or any other social construct where people are regularly falling over each other because they are all confused and lost!

But never forget…..understand this clearly! The main impetus, the engine, the primary motivation that compels all men to devote so much of their time and energy into this meaningless pursuit is simply because he suffers from a morbid fear of loneliness.

We are all trained and conditioned to perceived loneliness as suffering, a dark bottomless pit, a terrifying wasteland almost like death itself.

So to avoid this imaginary hell hole that our mind has constructed….man will always have the habit of looking for answers outside himself….in the company of others…thru conversations …he is always running out of himself…always not at home…the constant wanderer…always believing the answer is somewhere to be found elsewhere.

The main problem is that prevailing attitude where loneliness is so often equated with fear – this in my opinion is the worst possible basis for any relationship to be premised on, because bear in mind…in all likelihood, your partner is probably coming together with you out of fear as well!

Now instead of one fearful person….you have two!

And this unity of the fear of loneliness is what a reasonable man and woman these days is supposed to call love.

Can you see how crazy the world has become.

This is supposed to be their temple of spiritual flourishing..their sanctuary…their secret garden of harmony…and bliss and emancipation….do you see why it is doomed from the word go!

Do you see how this is the tap root of why so many relationships can only start off hot only to fizzle out or worst end up smashing into the rocks – as it is a relationship based fundamentally on all the wrong reasons and worst of all it is premised specifically on the fear of loneliness.

How can the fear of loneliness possibly be the basis of a solid relationship?

That is why only those who can love well are absolutely fearless of loneliness – this is why I often say, the nature of man is essentially loneliness! As only thru the deep study of loneliness can one discover solitude that is the skeleton key that opens up the door to the awakened mind.

It is like a restaurant that serves good food – the light is subdued, the sights and sounds are kept to a bare minimum…this like loneliness is not deprivation. Rather when all these distractions are cut away, then our senses is enhanced and comes alive to enjoy a work of art. In the same way to live well…we must never fear loneliness. As only in loneliness can a man really find himself and know his place in this world without the distractions of illusions. Rather allow loneliness to guide you….do not fear it…as it is a natural power to be sought after, not avoided and
East of all feared.’

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