The return of the haze

November 10, 2015

There are many stupid people out there, who believe the haze is merely a minor inconvenience. The only reason why these stupid people continue to propagate the theory – since there is nothing that can be done about this….we might as well learn to live with this perennial menace the best we can. These stupid people would have us all believe, the category of problem the haze presents should be given the same treatment as flies, mosquitoes and how leafs may choke up a drain.

However, if this stupid people take the trouble to tabulate the cumulative cost of this man made disaster and get off their lazy backsides to crunch the numbers – they would probably realize this is a catastrophy on a scale that deserves to be treated as a clear and present threat to people and planet.


‘I don’t want to be evil. Everyone in the internet knows I have taken a vow never to be evil again!

But what am I supposed to do, when evil people make my life along with millions of people unlivable just because they want to turn a profit?

When did it become acceptable and legal to make money at the expense of people and planet? So to me the premeditated act of creating conditions that allows the haze to occur is a form of terrorism.

It’s not as if I have such a thing as a choice against this menace. I wish it’s possible to just laugh it off like the flu, but like I’ve always said the hidden cost to people and planet is exorbitantly high.

I’ve said this time and time again – the only way to solve the perennial haze is to have men in the field 365 days 24/7 asking a couple of jugular questions – how many miles of canal has been dug today? Has X, Y or Z river tributaries being diverted etc etc.

But my advice is not heeded. Instead what we have every year is reminiscent of the seventh month ritual. Every year, politician will dust off their drums and beat it hard during the month of the haze just to echo the collective sentiment, this is unacceptable….something needs to be done…..this isn’t the way civilized people should live…..and when the haze disappears, this drum is consigned to the attic and the following year the ritual begins all over again.

This is not the way intelligent folk go about prescribing a cure to the perennial problem of the haze. If anything it has proven to be a very reliable way to embolden irresponsible businessmen to burn with temerity every year!

The ONLY way to solve this problem is to fix it clearly and unambiguously in the public consciousness, this is a problem that needs to be fixed and to step up the pressure 365 days, 24/7…even on clear days, the pressure should be highest.

Of course we would all like to believe the solution can emerge from a convivial sort of chap who regularly says, please…sorry…and I understand. But I don’t think that sort of man will get very far when one considers the power and politics that accounts for the haze every year.

So to me, it all boils down to the type of attitude that it takes to get things done!

What’s needed in my humble opinion is a no nonsense frontier sort of fellow. You know the sort of chap who goes around in a shoulder holstered sidearm and doesn’t mind ruffling feathers to get things done on schedule……if there are enough of these sort of men at ground level to do what needs to be done. I can more or less guarantee you all, all our problems with the haze will disappear like lemon drops.

That was why after a five year hiatus. I decided to log on into the virtual and present a case to the Imperium…I called on the brotherhood to send men to put an end to this menace…..I told them very plainly, it was a matter of strategic priority that we use all our influence to put an end to this rubbish!….this I did by recounting to all of them how difficult it is to earn a living as a farmer these days….many people cried for me….now they are all very angry…this is precisely the attitude that I wanted to create.

For me to manipulate public opinion is very simple. I am not like Mr Brown. His audience is primary made up of thousands of inconsequential people who much prefer comic relief and very little else. I don’t ever need numerical superiority to prosecute on my goal. All I need is to influence the movers and shakers, the decision makers, the people who can sign on the dotted line. Mr Brown cannot do this, that is why he is Mr Brown. But I can. I will conduct my privately funded campaign to undermine these firms who are responsible for the fires. First I will infiltrate their social network thru their children. I will even assemble a concession map with the help of a bunch of plastic flowers by promising to marry all the secretaries and gatekeepers who are willing to assist me. This is not a problem. Not to me. As women are naturally attracted to a frontier man – they cannot help it, it’s hardwired in their DNA! Thereafter I will engineer consent with the clandestine apparatus of the entire brotherhood Internationale and our allies by posting heart tugging pictures of baby orang utans being asphyxiated by the haze…baby elephants with their tongues sticking out as they turn blue….I will even post Youtube videos of myself holding a bottle of whisky and drowning my sorrow because I cannot turn a decent profit and send it all to the fat and rich daughters of these people who buy palm oil from these crooks. Like I said. It’s a covert operation conducted with military precision.

Meanwhile I will fill a bottle of whisky with Chinese tea and pretend to wallow in a drunken state while lamenting aloud in high society functions in KL and Jakarta – how these irresponsible landowners have robbed me of a means to live a purpose driven life.

In well heeled functions where only the elite of the oil palm world are invited. I will put Colgate in my mouth, pretend to foam in the mouth and spin around like a top while recounting the sad tale of how the haze has destroyed my career – when people see this, they will say, ‘he was such a nice man….now look at him!’

They will all be very very angry with the people who started these fires! And when that happens they will all have absolutely no problem kicking that rotten door down to expose these cheap pirates who are responsible for these fires!

I am issuing out a clear and unambiguous warning to all of you daughter fuckers who are responsible for this haze!

I will go after you and your lackeys!

To me I consider this a form of morally acceptable psychological warfare lah….like I said, I don’t want to disturb people…..but what am I supposed to do when people disturb me!’

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