Why do so many relationships end up on the rocks?

December 6, 2015

A very simple question. A question which I feel is very compelling in our age. As there are so many cases of failed relationships and marriages one would probably have to have a hole in the head the size of a plate, if one wasn’t provoked at least by curiosity to ask, WHY?


‘When I write about how to be alone. Or I expound on the theory, pain may be inevitable, but suffering is always optional. When I explain to others why loneliness should be embraced and never feared like the plague.

Many people will take the course of least mental resistance and probably conclude – this must be a mad man! He is after all written in a language that no one can decipher!

I imagine to some extent they probably feel right to draw such a conclusion, I must be very peculiar and odd to them. But I also believe they can really only derive at this misleading conception concerning me and no other, because they have never spent so much as a day, hour or even so much as a moment alone and cut off from the world…so it’s a bit ike talking about snakes to Eskimos….the bloody thing doesn’t exist in the polar regions so how does one even begin to talk about venomous reptiles to people who live in igloos?

In the same way how does one begin a conversation about loneliness with someone who is always marinating themselves in the world 24/7. Always tied to the umbilical cord of being connected to the world.

It’s impossible!

They are very different from me. You can even say, we come from different worlds. I work in desolation and isolation. Days can go by without me ever seeing a single soul. It is a matter of profound indifference whether it’s a Monday or Friday. They all the same in a plantation. All around me, I encircled by a sea of emerald palms that stretch beyond the infinity of the horizon that curls along the edges ever so slightly to still remind me the world is round. If anything it serves to only remind me that I am not on the desolate surface of the moon. At times my eyes are drawn to a thin line that streaks across the paraffin skies. I find myself looking it at this unfurling vapor trail longer than usual. Then suddenly I am jolted into the realization. I am living in the twenty first century….it’s a jet plane! – in certain respects, I am like the Omega man or Will Smith in that movie, I am Legend. So naturally, it’s quite natural for me to reflect deeply on solitude….loneliness and whole idea of being estranged from the world.

That I imagine is what most people rarely ever do, that is why they lack the insight that gives them the false sense of snobbery to dismiss what I write as rubbish.

But as you can see it all comes together, when we ask ourselves the question of our age – why do so many relationships and marriages fail?

To me the answer is lies in our in our militant refusal to gain a deeper understanding on the subject matter of solitude…loneliness and the whole idea of being estranged from the world.

Most people even those who may insist they are self sufficient and independent suffer a morbid fear of loneliness….they see it as purgatory, suffering and something loathsome. That is why they seek out others in probably the same way a cripple gets by with a pair of crutches – they think. They believe the solution to avoiding the terror of loneliness is to find someone to fill the void that exist in their life.

But tell me what happens when you get two scaddy cats who both suffer from the very same morbid fear of loneliness coming together in the name of love just to seek relief from the sum of all their fears….tell me is that really love or could it be escapism? Or a prosthetic?

Now you understand why so many relationships and marriages can only fizzle out and fail.

As what unites man and woman is not premised on the truth.

Rather it is predicated on the delusional belief the other person can somehow fill up that empty space within them that stems from the fear of being alone.

But tell me how is it possible for someone who fears loneliness and who has never ever experienced a day of solitude. Or even feel the need to seek out the deeper interiors of these apparent demons who they seem only to avoid at every turn and opportunity possibly be able to fill up that void in another human being who suffers from precisely the same fears as them? Let me paraphrase the question – can something ever come out of nothing?

Of course not!

Now you understand why these objects of interest I write about are far from frivolous.

If anything they go to the very crux of the issue – why two people if they really want to remain together should first rid themselves from their scripted and conditioned fears of loneliness and how if they remain oblivious or worse still choose to remain bovine about this, all they are really doing is coming together for all the wrong reasons that can only lead to unfulfilled aspirations only for it all to end in suffering.

I am not advocating that everyone on this planet should join the how to be alone club. Not at all.

All I am saying is, if you want to love somebody and devote yourself to him or her, then do it for all the right and not the wrong reasons – you owe yourself this much – because if you should be so silly as to take that leap of faith by making free use of the word love only because you are fearful and choose to run away from loneliness, then it’s better for you to remain single….that is all I am saying. Nothing more or less.’

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