Stupid people always think they are smart

December 31, 2015

The less people know. The more insistent and stubborn they will hold on to what they believe to be ‘true.’

————————————————————————-

‘There was a time, not so very long ago when I felt a deep compulsion to be understood. Call it what you may. An infantile craving to be accepted and liked even. An attachment to the crumbly belief….if only I can some how make them understand my point of view…then perhaps they wouldn’t keep calling me names….or treat me like some kinda freak.

But these days that sort of sand box expectation seems to have given way to (I hope) a much more mature and self confident realization of how I see myself alongside the way of the world – it’s an attitude that came because one day I made a commitment to be very honest with myself….no bs…no choosing the facts to fit the assumptions either…not even if the naked truth hurts….as soon as I took that one step – suddenly I experienced a moment of epiphany….a perceptive shift of sorts….suddenly it all became so very clear how immature it is to expect others to understand me. How futile it is even and how if one builds on that false expectation it can only lead to suffering.

The question really starts like this? What’s at the nucleus of this expectation to be understood…accepted and respected by others. I had to go very deep into my being and nature to discover how much this primal impulse had to do with really childish wants and desires…. craving…greediness…and perhaps even selfishness on my part.

Craving….Greediness and selfishness.

There’s nothing complex about craving for something – a craving to be understood is simply a deep yearning for something you like. Like how you much prefer to have an extra dollop of ice cream and if you don’t get your way….you throw a tantrum – it’s remotely related to narcissism as well, that at least is how I see it. But let’s keep it simple for the time being and not go there.

So a craving is a very immature impulse….Where I am going. I don’t ever need that dead weight! So I dumped it!

Greediness is much complicated to sense and even explain in the emotional context of what it has to do with the whole idea of wanting others to understand me – at first the relationship between greed and to be understood seems to have a remote nexus like the question what does algae have to do with jet planes that can fly at Mach 2. But like I said, I had made a decision to be a honest Joe to myself – to even say to myself that I am prepared mentally to see the world and myself without the slightest embellishment and abberation…greed is a function of attachment….it’s really like Linus’s security blanket in the comic strip Charlie Brown….when we feel attached to something or someone, it’s just another way of saying, we don’t believe in ourselves nearly enough to make it thru the rest of the day without that person or thing either holding our hands or being by outside….it’s a clingy needy thing, a prosthetic and again it’s a very immature and childish primal survival impulse. So I threw that into the dustbin of life as well….don’t need that!

Having said all that. I don’t mind being greedy about certain things. For instance, I much prefer twelve airbags to only one, when I am driving off road at full speed….I am greedy about hedging my bets when it comes to business I never put all my eggs in one basket and harbor a healthy mistrust of governments and big businesses…but if being greedy for people’s approval, their attention puts me in a position where I am always like a drug addict who needs his daily fix just to get thru the day – then I don’t want it!

Lastly selfishness….question – what does selfishness have to do with the deep yearning to be understood? The short answer is a lot! As a selfish expectation implies what we have to say or even the objects of interest we choose to dwell and talk about passionately is something others will always choose to put on the very top of their life list. Truth is very different…..what you, I or the next person sitting next to you in the MRT wants to consider important…mundane…insignificant or just plain trivia is essentially self selecting – it’s horses for courses out there. I am not saying false eye lashes is more important than whether it’s possible to split the molecule into the sum of smaller parts. All I am saying is you can’t stop people from taking a disproportionate interest in some things which you would never consider doing and vice versa.

So do you see how the yearning to understood has everything to do with feeding one’s selfishness that the world revolves around you…again it’s sandbox politics and belongs in the kindergarden.

Like the last, attribute. I don’t mind being selfish about something’s – like if I am stranded in a boat marooned out for days at sea. I am selfish enough not to volunteer to be eaten and rather wait for someone else to make that offer.

That’s why these days….I rarely ever feel the need to explain myself to anyone any longer……I am not saying I don’t feel a deep sense of validation when others share my POV…I do…as I can’t deny that can be incredibly edifying.

Only these days. I don’t ever see the need to push so hard for it – I rather just do my own thing in one little corner of the world and should ten or twenty people believe it doesn’t amount to a hill of beans – I just look at them impassively for a few seconds and life just goes by….I guess that’s another way of saying….for me to be happy, whole and complete….I don’t need to crave for your approval. Neither do I need to fulfill all the tick boxes somewhere in your head either as I am no where near greedy for you to think the best of me – I am no longer greedy to aspire to that self imagined status. Lastly, I realize it doesn’t pay to be selfish any longer or to put myself in a position where I am always looking for my security blanket just to get by.

So at the end of the day…All you have is the man called me. This man doesn’t ask for anything…not even your assent, approval or consideration…like I said, all you have here in this mental diorama of a picture that I have painted in this blog entry – is a man with his own thoughts.

A man who might perhaps even believe he’s slightly foolish, if not a full blown fool….but I don’t think that such a bad thing. Not at all.

Not when one considers how destructive it is to believe in a diametrically opposite position and how the world is filled to the brim with fools who actually think they are sages when in reality – they’re really just fools…it’s so fucking scary for me these days to even be around these people…that could be why these days very slowly…so very slowly and surely like fingernails or hair growing…I am slowly turning inwards and becoming a quieter man who doesn’t seem to have any opinions on anything to say any longer…not as forcefully as I did before….and that could well be all I can hope for when this year bows out and another steps in…as I don’t consider that a bad thing….not at all.

Happy New Year!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: