A ‘man’ marooned on an island

I finally realize. After all these years. There will always be a secret part of me, that I can never ever hope to share with anyone else, if I want to continue living a ‘normal’ life…as firstly, they will never be able to come to terms with who I really am – or even why there’s always a lingering awkwardness about me that they believe must have been brought forth by prolonged periods of isolation in the jungle.

No! They will never really know….they must never know!

No one will know. As I do an excellent job of hiding who I am…every morning before I walk out into the world. I scrub the wild off me with a wire brush…I am diligent and meticulous and when it’s done, I am clean like a whistle – very few people can see thru the creature behind the mask of the man….none in fact…my disguise is complete…..they might sense something amiss, especially women…as since they are especially sensitive to needs and wants at a primal level. But without such a thing as a handle to hold that thought…that is really where it all begins and ends…no further….just a hint…a mere suggestion like a whispering rush and soon the feeling passes.

Even when I am in the city surrounded by so many people….all I can ever seem to do is harbor a deep yearning to return back to the jungle….that is where I really want to be, to just sit on my rattan chair and be in the company of the birds, trees and dogs.

No one knows about this yearning I carry like a open wound in my heart – all they really see is a polished well educated country gentleman with impeccable old world manners …absolutely no one can make out that I am wild.

How can they?

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‘Yesterday as I walked the city. I was suddenly aware of a pack of wild city dogs training their eyes on me furtively across the road. I could tell from the strange look in their eyes….they were all under some powerful hypnotic spell. As if they had suddenly stumbled across a strange ancient language that had the power to disturb…a language written in alphabets they could neither read nor understand – it must have all been very strange for those dogs and that degree of strangeness can really only speak the length of one sentence –

‘How did one of us become one of them!

‘Where’s your tail? Do you like coil it around your waist and lick it so that it sticks or do you just stuff it all into that suit and hope that it doesn’t pop out? What happened to your fur and long ears! Another asked as if thinking aloud, look he’s even wearing shoes….I bet he can drive as well and not just stick his head out of a window and hang his tongue out like a flycatcher…I bet you all the mother of all Dino bone’s he can’t even remember what Alpo taste like any longer? Where’s your pack?….Would you like to join our gang?

I looked down hoping that they would all stop staring at me and just move on…but they stayed right there burning me like laser beams with their searching eyes… When I looked up I flashed them all a menacing look – go away! I told them with my eyes…please go away…I am on a secret mission in the city…all of you will give me away….obey me! Go away!

They laughed mockingly at me…..Obey me! Did you all hear that! Obeeeeeeeeeeey meeeeeeeeeee! One of them, the leader with a broad white streak running the length of his back stood ramrod with his head held high as if asking – teach us how to do what you do! The rest shouted him down, ‘don’t be stupid, can’t you see he’s damaged goods….he’s trapped in a human body…I bet he even takes a crap regularly in a toilet…he’s cursed!…how the hell did you mess yourself up so completely that you don’t even have a tail any longer! Either you have no respect for yourself or you fucked up big time blood! It’s so fucking painful to see one of our own stuck with four paws over there in concrete…you’re hurting our eyes blood!’

I narrowed my eyes and flared my nostrils, this time snarling, ‘Go away!’

They backed off a bit…..

But when I continued my walk, they followed me thru the faceless sea of men furtively from time to time looking at each other….it’s a vampire thing…an unspoken code in the wild…that one should always look out for the other, we are one happy family that kinda of thing…all the while the lingering taste of the wild clung to the back of my throat…..only they could sense it so very clearly that I don’t belong here.’