Learning from bad experiences

Whether you desire it or not…no matter how mindful and cautious you are….shit WILL happen! It occurs all the time, even to the best of us, that’s part and parcel of the human condition and what means to live.

A man walks into a shop. He’s cutting an apple with a knife and munching away happily. Someone sees him and thinks he’s planning to rob the shop. She calls the cops. Men with no necks descend on this poor fellow. He puts up a decent fight. But none the less, he’s roughed up. At 30 to 1 odds, it’s hard for this man not to take a solid fall…as they too must have believed him to be he’s a very dangerous man…maybe it was the look of defiance and contempt he flashed at them…maybe it was the manner in which he remained cool as a cucumber as all this even if it was multiplied by a thousand fold cannot be that new to such a man. Some men are like that, just like some flowers can only radiate exceptional beauty….they can only radiate uncommon danger…it is not their fault…that is how they really are. The man is thrown in jail. He doesn’t know what’s going on….how long this would go on for.

That’s life.

But what is important is not what has happened or who is even right or wrong….rather it will ALWAYS ONLY be the case of how does this man manage himself and others in this storm.

His ability to manage the crisis with a cool and calm head is key….he is calm as a mirrored lake and it is this calmness that sees him thru the crisis unscathed.

Other men will be emotionally and psychologically scarred for life by such a traumatic experience….but not the calm man.

He’s untouchable!

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‘Some years back ago I came across a school teacher who shared with me – her life long difficulty in being able to trust men. This woman went on to recount many painful experiences she had encountered with men who previously came into her life…the first was a philanderer…the second, a con man who fleeced her life savings and it went on and on.

Till all that remained was a suspicious, jaded and mistrustful woman who is so dysfunctional and mentally scarred that it’s virtually impossible for her to sustain a normal relationship.

I told this woman. You must let go of all the hurt and resentment of your past with bad men…otherwise they will always be like ghost who will haunt your life. They will always appear in the corner of your eye and unsettle and spoil everything and hold you back from experiencing happiness.

The past is after all no more. It is truly behind you. It is a distant country….very faraway. What has happened has happened. The present however is a brand new chapter with so many possibilities, limited by only what the mind can imagine….it is NOW….and as for the future, it is like the road that you must walk before you…so tell me how far are you going to go in life, if you are spending so much of your time and energy looking at the rear mirror instead of concentrating on what’s ahead?

By all means reflect, meditate and learn if possible from the many hurtful and painful experiences that once came your way..the hurt, humiliation, sense of powerlessness…these are all worthy lessons about the art of life – but never allow those negative emotions to leach into the present and future to destroy you so completely that it robs you of all hope and the belief tomorrow can actually be better than today.

I went on to share with her…nothing she ever loved and cherished ever died…she has simply not found the real thing and that one day…the truth will certainly stand before her. But if she is so entangled with the many ghost of the past, then it’s unlikely she would have the wisdom to recognize a good thing for what it really is..not when it’s standing before her in marvelous completion – worst of all, she might even shoo a very rare and worthy man away!

Before the she departed, the teacher told me – she would try her best to take my advice.

Recently I heard, she has found a decent man and they are planning to tie the knot.’