The need to belong….

July 8, 2016

Simply demonstrates that one is afraid to face oneself – that if you must know is why most people ALWAYS seek out others to validate who they want to believe they are….

Truth is….they don’t know themselves….they don’t want to…the very thought of coming to terms with the reality of who they might be scares the living day lights out of them.

Yes…I imagine many may smirk and even laugh themselves with a voice somewhere in their head whispering…I know myself…..I do.

Really?

This is why there is a need. No correction…a yearning for most people to pigeon hole themselves and even identify themselves with others who they believe share their values and nourishes their souls with a sense of belonging and identity – I am believer….intellectual….expat…..European…person who likes to read books, or anything else one cares to stick a label on that says loudly – this is who I am…this is me….this is what I believe in – without them even realizing it – they are being violent.

Violence is a very strong word….I understand completely.

But in this sense it is purely descriptive and I see it as an accurate description of a state of mind when a person yearns to belong…even if it means assassinating the very idea of who they really are.

That is how powerful the need to belong and identify is…now you see how this process (for lack of a better word) can only be described as violent!

Because as soon as one commits the act of identifying with a group of people who you believe share your values….respects the things that you do and even enjoy the things that give you pleasure – then by default, you have already begun separating yourself from the rest of mankind…..you have already set road blocks somewhere in your head, as to what you can and cannot do….you have in fact severed yourself completely from the field of possibilities by the act of closing your mind to all others who may differ from you…..and if you are not mindful of this act of detachment…you will also grow arrogant and proud that you belong and this can only lead to hatred for those who may differ from you…..it is to put it another a form of insecurity….immaturity and a chronic yearning to hold on to a security blanket.

So a wise man always seeks to belong to everything and nothing at the same time – that is hardly a contradiction, it simply me and he does feel the need to belong simply to feed his sense of insecurity…neither does he seek safety in numbers….kinship or any form of belief that demands him to renounce who he truly wants to be – a man who simply understands himself.

————————————————————–


‘This only happens to me whenever I visit the city. No! It will never ever happen to you….you see it’s a vampire thing…you really have to be a member of the club….and like all dark associations…one cannot possibly know of these things – one can guess…but one can’t possibly sense it’s pull.

But for me whenever I visit the city – this always happens.

At some point I am always aware of a pack of wild city dogs training their eyes on me furtively. I can always tell something has piqued their interest…it’s me….it’s all there…the ears are like taunt springs…as if they have all sensed something they don’t quite understand…something that should not exist, but is not before them as if they are all under some powerful hypnotic spell.

As if they had suddenly stumbled across a strange ancient language that had the power to disturb….a language written in alphabets they could neither read nor understand – it must have all been very strange for those dogs and that degree of strangeness can really only speak the length of one sentence –

‘How did one of us become one of them!

‘Where’s your tail? Do you like coil it around your waist and lick it so that it sticks or do you just stuff it all into that suit and hope that it doesn’t pop out? What happened to your fur and long ears! Another asked as if thinking aloud, look he’s even wearing shoes….I bet he can drive as well and not just stick his head out of a window and hang his tongue out like a flycatcher…I bet you all the mother of all Dino bone’s he can’t even remember what Alpo taste like any longer? Where’s your pack?….Would you like to join our gang?

I looked down hoping that they would all stop staring at me and just move on…but they stayed right there burning me like laser beams with their searching eyes… When I looked up I flashed them all a menacing look – go away! I told them with my eyes…please go away…I am on a secret mission in the city…all of you will give me away….obey me! Go away!

They laughed mockingly at me…..Obey me! Did you all hear that! Obeeeeeeeeeeey meeeeeeeeeee! One of them, the leader with a broad white streak running the length of his back stood ramrod with his head held high as if asking – teach us how to do what you do! The rest shouted him down, ‘don’t be stupid, can’t you see he’s damaged goods….he’s trapped in a human body…I bet he even takes a crap regularly in a toilet…he’s cursed!…how the hell did you mess yourself up so completely that you don’t even have a tail any longer! Either you have no respect for yourself or you fucked up big time blood! It’s so fucking painful to see one of our own stuck with four paws over there in concrete…you’re hurting our eyes blood!’

I narrowed my eyes and flared my nostrils, this time snarling, ‘Go away!’

They backed off a bit…..

But when I continued my walk, they followed me thru the faceless sea of men furtively from time to time looking at each other….like I said, it’s a vampire thing….unspoken code in the wild….all the while the lingering taste of the wild clung to the back of my throat….only they could sense it that I don’t belong here.’

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