An example of knowing how to take advantage of the ryhthm of things

July 24, 2016

Many of my regular readers have written to me. Requesting that I clarify further on the wisdom of knowing the rhythm of things…allow me to illustrate this by way of a case study.

I cannot remember exactly, maybe it was a year and half back ago. Yes, that was just around the time when a woman from the village approached me and asked whether I could reason with her ‘wayward’ husband…according to this woman, her husband has been spending a lot of time outside his home….in between tending their modest veggie patch, he whiles his time mostly in the kopitiam (village cafe) gossiping with other no hopers…in the evenings, he drinks till the late hours and only returns home when everyone is sound asleep.

I know of this woman and her ways….

So I was very frank with her….you are always raising your voice, I told her. The very moment your husband wakes up. Even before his foot can touch the floor – you have already ambushed him with all your guns blazing….this is not right, that is wrong…you should have done this, not that…why are you like this all the time and not like that… etc etc.

Can you imagine waking up to shouting…not occasionally, but every morning like an alarm clock!

Even if you do this to an animal such as a dog whenever he sees you…he will run as far and fast as possible. That is because everyone seeks peace, calmness and quietness.

Can you imagine starting a new day with that sort of jarring rhythm?

I merely advised this woman to only bring out controversial issues two hours after dinner and try not to speak in a soft tone.

She took my advice. Soon her wayward husband returned home more often and these days he is seldom seen loitering aimlessly around like a restless ghost.

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‘Do not bring out the worse in people. If you cannot make others happy and calm or even lack the knowledge to bring out the best in others, that is OK.

But never set out to make them sad, anxious and fearful….that’s evil!

Yes! In my book I see that as an evil act!

As not only is it selfish, but it also demonstrates very clearly a person who regularly does this to others is also someone who doesn’t realize the importance of treating others the way they want to be treated….they actually believe they are superior to those they r inflicting all this pain on! So if that is not the definition of evil, then I don’t know what is!

Because if you do not respect the rhythm of others – you cannot blame them, if they don’t want to associate with you.

This is very natural…that is why no sane person goes up to a cobra and disturbs it or pulls out the whiskers of a tiger! Only people who look for trouble do that!

Soon that negative association concerning you will be so strong and powerful that it will simply become a fact of life to others and they will not even give you an opportunity to make things right any longer….in other words, they have given up completely on you!

Once that end point is breached! They will consign you to the rubbish heap of their mind with a big label that simply reads ‘trouble.’ It is really the case of Amos Yee, people will only give you so much allowances to make mistakes….but if it keeps on going on and on…they will just give up and say…go and die lah!

No one is saying you cannot put your case across – you can! ONLY choose the right place and time to do it. Only never use others as a punching bag just to take out your frustrations…don’t!

Like I said when you do that, you are disrupting the rhythm of others consciously with malice after thought so that is evil!

Choose the right time when a man or woman is calm and his or her defenses is lowest when they are at rest to raise controversial issues. Learn how to create a congenial and friendly atmosphere before raising divisive issues for discussion.

As that is when the person you hope to influence is most receptive to constructive criticism…this is not extraordinary wisdom…it is just good olde fashion common sense – this way your advise will always go down very well. This way, they are most likely to agree rather than disagree with you and even if they don’t agree with you….they will be able to think it thru without anger or resentment.

By just abiding by this simple rule of life. At least you are considerate enough not to destroy their rhythm…by just doing this alone, it demonstrates you are a wise person who knows how to bring out the best in people to resolve conflict in an intelligent manner….this is the defining difference between the man who knows how to make things better and the one who always seems to make things worse.’

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