If you really cannot tahan (bear it)…just ask

December 15, 2016

Not long ago. I came across a knot of villagers in the kopitiam (village cafe) gossiping about a respectable man’s car that was recently seen parking outside the lodgings of a disreputable woman every night for the last two weeks.

The facts are as follows. The man visits the shop lot where it’s well known to all a prostitute rents a room on the upper floor at precisely half past eleven every night.

He visits always at the same time. He even has the keys to the grill door leading to the stairways and on every occasion he seems to be carrying an unusually long overnight bag of sorts. Only to remerge before daybreak to return back to his normal day routine of impeccable respectability.

In fact this has become a matter of intense speculation that has embroiled the entire village. All sorts of vile rumors seem to be circulating in earnest. Some of them are even so crude that I would not repeat them here.

Since I have a personal relationship with the man’s wife and I know all his children – many villagers asked me for my opinion to which my reply would always be the same.

It’s really none of my business. But if you feel it’s so important to know and you cannot tahan (bear it) and it’s driving you crazy – why don’t you just pick up the phone and ask him…I went on to add, it’s certainly a bit rude and even intrusive to ask of another why he would visit such a place in the dead of night. But I think nonetheless, it can be done discreetly without coming across as a nosey Parker – I went on to add, that’s far better than drawing all sorts of evil and vile conclusions concerning the man’s character.

Eventually someone in the village mustered the courage to ask the man only to be told – he’s an avid star gazer who has just bought an new telescope and since the shop lot is the only building in the village with a flat top with very little light contamination – it offers him a very spectacular vantage to view the stars.


‘Gossiping has become the main form of communication. Not the good sort where one might even say flattering things about another, but the vile and poisonous sort where it may even destroy lives along with livelihoods.

The only reason why gossiping has replaced real communication is because it serves to nourish our make belief sense that we are better than them own insecurities and anxieties – it’s a cheap man’s alternative to make us feel good about ourselves without really having to deal with the truth. Or to even think deeper about stuff.

Because when we form a negative agreement concerning a person or scene – that reaffirms and even validates that we are right even when we’ve got the wrong end of the stick – we actually feel good about ourselves when we see others fall from grace….real or imagined matters very little.

There is an old expression

‘Misery likes nothing like friends and company…even the lousy one’s’

People who are suffering like the fabled drug addict will always smell out those who crave for the next fix…they can’t bear the thought of being marooned in their own head all alone to face their craving…sufferers too need a sense of validation…they need companionship as well.

Only under this! Theirs is not the brotherhood that stands for anything significant – infact should you be unfortunate enough to mix with these sufferers….you too will suffer.

Knowing this is very important. As it will allow you to see people for they truly are instead of what sort of person they claim to be.’

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