A conversation between Mr Koreana and Miss D many years ago

February 7, 2017

You really want to know what I see in you? You’re living with something that you keep hidden deep inside. Not just anything. But something that’s really so estranged from the whole wide world that you don’t even have faith to share it with a soul. I sensed it the first time I met you. You have that look in your eyes – as if it’s cut and dried and you have made up your mind that’s what you really want and everything else is just a side dish. To tell you the truth, that could be what attracted me to you – I saw the same look of desire that I myself carry with such conviction that I actually believed it would be pointless to share it with anyone else as well. Things that I know will just leave them with that dumb founded look as if they hardly know me at all and it’s too risky to do that in Singapore. But I saw it in you the moment you looked at me and from that that moment onwards I knew deep in my heart if there is ever a soul who ever lived who could understand me….it would this man with his fiery eyes.

You know what I really want now that I know all you want to do is wallow in mud and be a farmer. What I want is for the two of us to meet somewhere by chance and not the way we did, like maybe your or me taking a seat beside each other in the MRT, or having to share a table when a cafe is packed to the brimmed.

That way. I could perhaps tell that you’ve always wanted to leave the very moment we met. That way I could have sensed so deeply your yearning. If only we could have met that way, then I wouldn’t have had to take all these detours to get here where I find out there’s nothing.

I don’t think they way we met could have possibly led me to this conclusion that you would eventually leave. This is exactly what I never expected from you.

It was a lie. The way we met. My mistake perhaps. But it was your eyes that drew me to you like a moth to a tongue of a candle. That seemed as if you needed me as much as I needed you – I should have asked you straight then when you looked at me in the way you did – what is it? But instead I choose to regard it as a silent understanding how lonely we really were and perhaps how happy we were to have finally found each other. But I was silly. I am a sentimentalist. And we all make things that aren’t there in our hearts and heads. Above all I didn’t want to spoil it. I wanted you to slowly walk up to me without ever saying a word. As there are certain things that are lost forever the moment they are explained in words.

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