The sustainable person

February 25, 2017

A man once asked me. Why is it that you do not fear loneliness?

I told this man – when one is fearful and anxious, then the sense of loneliness can only sharpen.

The man remained quiet for a while only to ask later – I don’t understand. Please explain.

I went on to explain this to the man. To be comfortable being alone. One must strive to be calm. Am I right? That is at least what most people say. But why? Let me open the back of the watch so that you can see the movement.

You see it is like this. If you don’t want to be afraid of loneliness. Then it will not do to just chant mindlessly ten or twenty times, I am not afraid to be alone….I am not afraid to be alone. If you do that. You will end up so petrified of loneliness that it will probably drive you mad.

But when one starts by first cultivating a calm mind.

When one is calm. The ego can only remain very small and quiet since it is not constantly feeding and getting larger on one’s fears and anxietixies.

Only when the ego is deprived of all sustenance can one seek to understand and seek oneness with loneliness.

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‘Observe very carefully those around you. Do not judge. Do not even say a thing. Just observe like a silent witness….and you will see it occuring all the time.

People criticise and find fault with others because they don’t want to feel small.

To put it in another way – it’s really just a way to feed their ego by holding one version reality in their heads like a death grip. If that reality doesn’t exist. Then they will manufacture their own version and believe it even if they know it’s not true!

So long as it makes their ego feel better. They’re happy.

But that also means they’re making their ego bigger and meaner as well. And since the ego is always hungry even after eating ten roti prata’s in one sitting – it will always demand more and more. And even if you say ‘No more. You have had enough! Soon the ego will stir fear and anxiety and the whole vicious cycle starts again.

This is what I refer too as the ego trap. When one is in this state of mind – one can only be critical and find fault with others all the time.

But the very moment you decide to ask – what does he really mean? Or when you peer deeper to ask, might he mean by this or that? Then you will find yourself seeking to understand the person who you were once always critical of – then you may even come to see his point. You may not always agree with his point of view. But since you have already started a process to understand why he thinks the way he does – you are no longer just feeding your ego mindlessly with fear burgers and anxiety milkshakes.

This is why if you are passionate about some of your objects of interest. Never just defend your point of view blindly. If for instance you are an environmentalist. Then read more about people who like polythene bags so much that they even take more than they really need for their groceries in NTUC. If you are passionate about a political position – then read more about the people who are on the otherside of the political camp. Get to know them. Don’t just mix with your own kind.

You will find when you do this regularly. You can only be more open minded and most importantly it is you that is really talking and not your ego.’

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