The lost art of being your own man…….
April 11, 2017
A year back ago. A consortium of housing Developers asked me whether I would be interested to join them in a project. The deal was structured where I can only take up a 49% equity in the enterprise.
I told them all from the word go….I am only willing to consider this deal on a serious basis IF I have an option to secure 51% equity….otherwise no matter how sweet the deal is. I don’t want to waste either their or my time by looking thru the excel spreadsheet.
At that point. One of them asked why do I have to be such a hard ass difficult Mother fucker all the time. To which I simply said to him and the rest….no one is putting a loaded revolver to any one’s head….those are my terms…they’re final….you have 24 hours to decide….this is not personal, it’s strictly business.
After that they all called me an arrogant son of a bitch and I never saw them again…..which isn’t such a bad deal actually when you consider a lousy deal is just as good as having a hole in your head.
‘Am I well liked? Well it depends who you ask really….some people like me so much they’re even prepared to fight alongside me for free. Others can’t stand me…infact they much rather I roll over and die. Hey, I am not kidding.
I am not going to lie to you.
That’s the truth and nothing but the truth.
But always remember the question that I have been presented with – is and will always be very different from that other question – do I like people to like me?
Sure I do. Infact I make it a cardinal point for people to like me so much that its not unusual for me to try my level best to give them a good deal. But that also means I like to get a good deal back in return from time to time as well….and if I don’t get a good deal, then I will demand for one.
Even if it means kicking up a fuss and slamming the table….I’ve done it many many times.
Now which part of that do you not seem to understand?
So coming back to your original question which in my opinion should be structured as follows – what are you prepared to do to be liked by others? Well the short answer is if I have to be a team player just to keep everyone happy and that means I don’t get rewarded for either my hard work or the quality of my brain juice…then fuck it lah! I’ll rather go my own way. Do my own thing.
I don’t for one moment believe that’s unreasonable or necessarily confrontational….I can very well understand if others choose to see it as such – not at all. Because should I be dumb enough to go along with just the ‘common good’ and I happen to know for a fact that I’ve been shortchanged for the amount and quality of work I’ve put in – then even if I get along with everyone else and they all think I am a jolly good fellow. I am going feel crummy and even resentful deep down….granted. I may not show it to others. But I know myself well enough to know how I would feel about it and that’s just not sustainable for me.
I will get mental problems and die or end up in IMH.
I guess what I am trying to say is when I or for that matter ‘you’ decide to make a serious no nonsense commitment to be your own man or woman – then no matter how you try to splice it or negotiate around that reality…there’s no running away from the fact at some point, you’re going to have to get very comfortable or pretend too with the whole idea of saying ‘NO’ to others and not feeling bad about it.
The paradox is ‘no’ means you’re actually saying ‘yes’ to the whole idea of how you want to progress under your preferred terms….so it’s not true to say just because one is disagreeable one is necessarily a recalcitrant or even belligerent – what sort of logic might that be? I mean if someone disagrees with you – why should it even be personal? After all should some decide to disagree with you….providing they’re forwarding reasoned arguments. They’re hardly disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing….all they’re doing is saying this will work…that will not work for me. The key word here is ‘me.’
So understand this! Because the last thing I want to do is lead you up the garden path only to discover a big nothing once you open the garden shed…there’s definitely an element of risk involved here when one decides to say, ‘no’ – it’s definitely not a something for nothing transaction….there are very real opportunity cost along with good will minus points.
But like I said, you can try your very best in life to get along with everyone else…..but at some point. You will discover that it comes right down to whether you’re comfortable with saying, ‘No.’
Only remember ‘no’ doesn’t always mean no….as it simply means you have elected to say yes to the way you want to live and be seen by others.