Before whoever demolishes the house in Oxley Rd please kindly let me know

June 16, 2017

I dunno who is right or wrong. Actually it is really none of my business. I want to be clear….I much prefer to remain neutral and not get involved especially when elephants are fighting.

After all I am just a simple farmer what do I know of such worldly matters….all I would like to do is make an unsolicited offer to the Lee estate.

In the event the house at Oxley Rd is gazzetted for demolition. Please do not bulldoze it – kindly inform me first.

As a planter. I have a special fondness and sentimentality for old tropical hardwood that is commonly used for the construction of old wooden houses in the prewar period in Singapore – many of the timber lengths once used for prewar houses in Singapore can no longer be commercially purchased today. Modern dry kiln machinery in most saw mills processing tropical hardwood no longer have the time nor capacity to cure such lengths and thickness of timber at affordable prices. These timber lengths have all been cured naturally in the old way, by probably submerging them in the Singapore river for over a full year to acquire density, close their pores, retard splitting and to remove termites and allowed to cure naturally for years under the tropical sun. These days no one can process timber in this manner any longer…the skill of arms no longer exist – it is really a lost art and trade. Hence my fondness and interest.

As such I would like to buy the entire house minus the land along with all the Chen-Gaih beams and pillars. I am also especially fond of the medium hardwoods of that period as well, like meranti and Damak Minyak, which I believe is common for floor boards, roof rafters, doors and window frames of that period. I would also like to buy the Indian roof terracotta tiles, as the kilns that used to make them no longer exist along the fire bricks and all other related architectural accoutrements.

I am willing to pay a fair price for the timber and tiles and I undertake to clear everything within an agreed specified time in accordance with the statutory guidelines of URA.

Thank You

Yours Sincerely

The Farmer

P.S I undertake not to commercially resell these items for profit and will bear the entire cost of surveying and setting up an inventory of these items that I plan to warehouse.

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‘If I was the government of Singapore. I would just convene yet another committee to seriously look into my genuine request to buy LKY’s house. Because it is quite clear to me this house is cursed by probably the ancient Egyptians. Don’t ask me how they ended up in Singapore. If you think that is improbable go watch the latest mummy’s flick starring Tom Cruise. Either that or the house is like some architectural Da Vinci code that yields the skeleton key to power. Or maybe it’s stone henge that the ancient Britons use to worship and at a specific time when all the planets line up, the morning sun would shine thru a crack in the jamban and cast a divine map that will allow the whoever in the room to gain access to secret knowledge…arcanum. Perhaps it might even be like a gateway like a stargaze where aliens come and go from their planet to ours – that could be why LKY looked and behaved like an alien.

Whatever it is one thing is very clear to me – four supposedly very intelligent people have designs on this humble dwelling. They are even prepared to go the whole nine yards…..so something has to be there lah. It all can’t be for just a big nothing.

That is why the government should let me buy the house. As I will remove every single brick, rafter, beam, pillar right down to the nail and ship it to a secret location – where it will be transported by Rama IV, a race of elephants who regularly pull my car out from the mud deep in the jungle. I will not even employ any humans to transport this stripped down house to the secret location. I might even speak to Boonyi, a giant eagle who I was raised as a baby to work as a scout. I would trek deep into the jungle across the valley of the empire of the bones into the paraffin blue lakes and store all these in a dry cave that has a constant ambient of 22 degrees and a humidity of no more than 30% due to the hygroscopic nature of the rock that makes up this cave. Then I will get the nations of the bamboo and the orang Utans to move a big round boulder the size of a four storey building to cover up the mouth of this cave.

If people ask me what I did with the remnants of this house. I will say that one day I hit my head really hard on a rock for no apparent reason and I have absolutely no recollection of having once bought this house. Should they use the organs of the state to try to squeeze further information out of me. I will not go out of Singapore. Instead I will take a bus to IMH and get a certificate from them stating that I am a clinically autistic person who is prone to fibbing. That should shut them up forever. I will keep the location of this cave secret right to the moment of my passing.

The government should allow me buy this house.’

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