Planting the new trees

We will start very soon….today the final plough commenced. Conditions are adjudged to be so-so only. As the soil is very damp due to the arrival of the rainy season and this makes it very difficult for the plough disc to slice into the earth cleanly. Work will be slow. But it will have to do. As this is as good as it will ever get from this point onwards. Weather conditions will get considerably wetter as the weeks go by.

There has to a period of fallow between the first and second plough. After this the positions for the new seedlings will have to be marked out. Thereafter planting will begin.

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‘I have a lot of hope that it will go well. There are many times when I say to myself – maybe you should keep your hopes small. After all it may not turn out well. Then I remind myself that I should trust my hopes rather than my fears.

After all to the very best of my knowledge. I have done everything to the very best of what I can humanly do. Even now when I reflect back on what was done. There is nothing that I would have done differently. Not long ago we had a round of very big rains – from what I could tell the trenches I dug performed very well. There was nothing that I didn’t foresee.

So why am I filled with fear and trepidation in the last leg of this project. I don’t understand. The hardest part is over and done with. I’ve even managed to do the impossible by clearing the land well before the onset of the rainy season with two whole weeks to spare. I’ve taken on something that is so big that most men would easily suffer a nervous breakdown just trying to wrap their heads round it. I’ve even looked directly into the sum of all my fears and seen it right to the very end without so much as flinching once. While others are caught in quicksand as they have miss timed their replanting. Those sods are in trouble….but I am in the clear….so what accounts for my lingering sense of foreboding.

Maybe it’s just my nature to worry even when there is no real reason to worry. Perhaps worrying has become a way of life for me that even should things go my way….there is still a part of me that cannot seem to quite accept things as they are, especially if goes well and even allow myself to be happy.

I do wonder have I reached a point in my life when I can no longer even bask in sweet repose and happiness should things go my way?

I should at least try to remain hopeful that everything will work out fine….as our problem is not so much that conditions doesn’t give us what we hope for, as it is that we don’t know the right thing for which to hope.

Maybe that is the problem.

To hope that things will go well and fine is the only thing one should ever hope for.’