Waking up

February 4, 2018

If I had to describe one constant struggle thru out my life. It is the idea of knowing deep down there was something beyond what the world said I am…I knew of this other reality not as a niggling feeling or a strange sensation – to my understanding it was a state of mind that was different from how everyone else saw themselves in relation to the world….a sort dissonance…a disconnect. A feeling that something was not quite synchronised even if everything seemed to be right like everyone said or insisted it was…to me it was just wrong…but since I didn’t quite know what it was that was either there but shouldn’t have been there to make it right.

I searched very hard to find that missing thing in myself.

I had no teachers or for that matter anyone to guide me. So thru out my excruciatingly long journey of self discovery that eventually led me to an awakened consciousness, it was largely a series of misses and dead ends….but I never stopped searching for the true self that was really me.

I knew it was there. I could feel its presence….I knew there was something much more to the limitations of the social programming that the world had imposed on me….I was even acutely conscious that idea of the world and everything to do with it, had nothing whatsoever to do with reality….there were times when I could catch a glimpse of that other world, but it never lasted long enough for me to call it my own, let alone regard it as me.

Now that I am finally conscious.

I see myself and the world around me very differently from the way I used to see it.

I think if there’s anything like a feeling of would I live my life differently knowing the things I know. It would be simply this. I would probably listened more and talked less.


Understand this. I am not saying this in a way that suggest I am better than you…or I happen to know something that you don’t know yet. If it reads that way to you…it’s probably got everything to do with your ego and it has nothing to do with me.

I am awaken. That is to say, I function mentally without the undue influence of either my ego or illusions. Being awaken is the direct opposite of being asleep. Where one’s thoughts, actions and deeds are very much influenced by the ego and other worldly illusions. Well in theory that is how an awakened state is supposed to work. But I do admit, at times the connection drops. At times my ego gets the better of me….but my point is even when I fail to make a five bar awakened connection. At least if the signal wanes…I am aware and I do make an effort to establish a connection.

When you go thru life awakened – you will notice there are really only two types of people in this world…those who are still asleep and those who are awakened. The difference between one and other has nothing whatsoever to do with education, intelligence or prestige – it is really just an insight. A perspective on life that allows the awaken to seek the path of consciousness…that is all it is…an insight.

Isn’t that remarkable…just imagine everything remains very the same….it has not changed at all. But what can have a transformational power to even modulate reality itself is simply an insight….where you see the world slightly differently from the way you have always seen it.

But to gain this insight into the self cannot possibly be an easy thing. As one first has to go against everything that suggest that it is the self. Most people I imagine are adverse to that sort of pain, they much prefer the easy street of not thinking about it or leaving it to others to think for them. So I don’t think to be awakened is easy. Not at all. For one you have to look at yourself very honestly….and that is not an easy thing to do. Because what you see may not be very pretty. That I feel may be the real reason why so many people are still asleep. That is to say they go thru life battling constantly with their ego, identity, affectations, imagined bugbears and social programming…they’re a right mess and somewhere in all the tangle of wires there is supposed to be a self.’

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