Loneliness & the crowded city

July 25, 2018

Nobody likes being alone…..that was a passing thought I experienced briefly somewhere between two lampost while walking in the city. It just flashed across the canvas of consciousness briefly. But the more I marinate in the city. The sharper these thoughts seem to feel. Its as if they’re nourished by the finality of my own admission that I will never be able to fit in as a normal person in the city.

Dont get me wrong. I do certainly experience these assaults when I am all alone alone in my plantation…..only they don’t ever seem to acquire the same heightened sharpness in being able to hurt me.

I don’t go out of my way to make friends, that’s all. It just leads to sadness…..I must learn to live with this gnawing feeling.

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‘I don’t ever want to come across as someone who wears his loneliness like some badge of honor. No….there is nothing to be proud of when one develops a bent to search out loneliness. I am not saying one cannot wax lyrical no end about how the human spirit could or might soar under those desolate circumstances where a man is marooned all alone in his head. Sure that can be easily done to lend loneliness a dramatic la effect.

I should know. I went thru a phase of writing about the celebration of loneliness not only as a state of mind, but school of thought.

But if you really want to know the truth….the only real reason why any sane person would rather choose to be alone is simply because they have been hurt in the past.

So now you know something that you didnt know yesterday.

So now you know that when someone says he or she prefers to be alone its got nothing to do with the art of manliness or how macho he’s trying to come across….it’s just another way of insulating oneself from the prospects of more pain.

Loneliness is a double edged sword. One needs to find its center…the balancing point to hold it well to get the job done right. Its not something you just dive into and become. Because if you do that. It will swallow you whole, skin and bones….and you will just disappear like a drop of blue ink in a jug of clear water.

Loneliness can be clarifying…edifying and at times even liberating. But it can also be terrifying, debilitating and sapping. One has to journey into its center..core…to find that balanced point.

If you observe very mature people. They all know this.

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