Clearing jungle

October 22, 2018

What differentiates weighty people from lightweights is the latter is always fixated on judging the actions of people who are unfortunate to work or live with them.

While weighty people do not care about all these trivial pursuits…they do not care because weighty people are always mindful there is only 24 hours a day and human memory even a good one is ultimately a function of opportunity inversed by bandwidth – so weighty people never fill their heads with insignificant small stuff. Doing so not only eats up valuable memory, it also clutters their thinking and interferes with their effectiveness.

The most efficient way to accomplish all this is to cultivate the discipline of minding your own business.


‘Life is never straight forward and always controllable. In other words it is not nearly enough to incorporate the seven habits of highly effective people in your life. That will only get you half way. If you want to go all the way smoothly, you also need to know how to avoid the seven habits of highly ineffective failures as well.

The biggest reason why people fail is because they are addicted to the drama of watching and judging other peoples lives unfold…they enjoy it…they relish every moment of intrigue. This is the reason why kaypoing (being a busy body) is the national hobby in Singapore.

But you would do well to understand the psychology for this disease of the mind – the biggest reason why so many people cannot abide by the discipline of minding their own business is most probably because, they are privately miserable, unfulfilled and helpless to improve their lot and that in a nutshell accounts why they are suffering…..and not only that, they are also powerless as well to break free of their morass and ennui…that is why they gossip.

Seen in this context, gossiping is not a choice it is a necessity like how a drug addict is drawn to always seek out the narcotic high of escapism.

As that is the way of the disgruntled and powerless and hopeless to seek the balm of relieve from their suffering. By finding faults, nitpicking and slandering they are able to fashion a fake heaven in hell to make themselves feel better.

So now that you have this insight into the psychology of the defeated and hopeless – you realize it is no good to mix with busy bodies and gossipers….they will bring you down…..better to be alone with a book…better to find a park bench for lunch all alone….better to make friends with animals than to mix with losers who can only bring you crashing down.

The return of Campingaz

October 21, 2018

Campingaz used to be a sloppy outfit that virtually alienated every serious climber, hiker and outdoors person by virtue of their antique bochap (indifferent) product line……there are literrally countless horror stories of climbers getting into fixes becaue of the old campingaz line of products.

However lately they seem to have got their act together and the new range of their outdoors camping stuff looks very very good….trust me, they look very well thought out and very seriously put together.

I bought a few for memory sake and to keep as spares.


‘I happen to be one of those souls who believe governments should be like a reasonably well priced and competently designed camping stove. For one they shouldnt occupy too much real estate. Good governments should in my opinion be no larger than a postage stamp. They should be size considerate and the opposite of full frontal loud in your face just like camping stoves that fold up and store away without rattling in your backpack driving u crazy.

Secondly, they should always offer good value for money. I dont mean cheap. But not definitely in the arm and leg price range….they should simply be good value. That means the sum of the parts need to be well conceived with lightness and durability like a decent camping stove.

Thirdly, they should be forgiving. Operating some camp stoves can be like indulging in a spot of Russian roulette. As some are so poorly conceived that they can only confound even the experts. Usually when this happens its because virtually no effort is made to understand the operating conditions of users. Its the same like governments, they should be user friendly.

Trust me its no joke when your gas canister works its way loose (because of bad design) and jets out freezing propane at 16,000 feet above sea level at -30 celsius…..if that happens its no fun and very dangerous.

Above all it needs to be your reliable go to in time of need….I think that’s the litmus test of a good stove. That’s to say when the power goes right out. This is what you decide to whip out and live out of…..just like good government…its something that you can always rely and depend on.

As for lousy government less said the better…..but if pressed it goes something like this – I’ve got no use for you… see it is very simple actually….I dont trust it.

At the end of the day it all comes down to one word. Trust!’

Yes to life!


‘You will never ever find anyone in Singapore or any where else who actually says No! to life….but what you will discover when you research this subject no shortage of people who will take things personally….and when they do this without them even realizing it…they have already said not only No! to life…but since they take the things said and done so personally. They have invested so much of who they are and what they stand for into what they have convinced themselves and others to be the ‘good fight.’ That it becomes almost impossible to live well.

Dont say I am making up things because it is Sunday and I am writing this in the afternoon – as YOU can conduct an experiment right now! At this moment ypu can prove or disprove what I am forwarding now….the moment you decide to let go and not take what hurts and disappoints you personally. Suddenly you will experience an unexpected freedom…..suddenly the broken record conversation that you have with yourself when you are alone or in the MRT is silenced…suddenly life all around you begins to fill u up.

This is why these days I never ever take things personally like I used to….because doing so robs you of life itself! These days I just laugh it off….if someone cuts in front of me in traffic…I just laugh at how badly he drives….I cant get angry because when you laugh at someone, you’re pitying them. I pity the man who doesnt know how to drive because at the rate he is going, his girlfriend is going to get impaled by a stainless steel buddha that he has stuck on his dashboard.

This is not something that you need to do headstands to benefit from…it is simply an insight about life.

That is why when we look around. There are so many people who are suffering. They take what was said about them so personally that they can only be unecessarily burdened like a man going everywhere with a big rock around his neck. They are right…justified and perhaps even truthful…but they suffer.

Negative Agreements

October 20, 2018

No one can truly say anything about YOU….if they say anything whether good or bad…they say more about who they REALLY are and what they may stand for.

Why is this truth so very important to you, me and every person who is striving to live a sustainable life?

Because when we remain ignorant or unaware of this fact. Then consciously and subconsciously whenever we hear negative things people say about us. We will form a negative agreement and that is enough to bring you down.

Even if you get angry or react in a way where you want to give as good as they gave you….you already have two feet in the concrete of an agreement of negativity.

Never give your consent to be part of an agreement to what critics may think or say about you and loved ones….always silence them by doing what they think you can’t do or think about….just forget them like a piece of shit.


‘Woman came to me and mentioned that her best friend told her that the man she is going out with has no future and she wants to know what to do.

I asked woman – has your friend ever met your boyfriend. Woman replied No.

Then I asked. Does she have ESP powers to read other peoples mind?

Woman exclaimed – how would I know!

I then asked further – is your life advisor friend a descendant of Nostradamus?

This time woman got angry with me and shouted, what has that got to do with what I am supposed to do.

After that woman looked at me as if expecting an answer. I looked at her as well. After a terribly long time I asked woman whether her friend is a lesbian.

Woman was most insulted by my line of questioning and demanded to know my reasons for what she considered my unusual line of enquiry.

I explained to woman its best that give up all prospects of finding felicity with a male and consider marrying this other woman who seems to be her personal life advisor – as in my opinion no man will ever fit the bill. As on virtually every single occasion she is inclined to agree with her friend…..and never once does she seem to either use her brain or even follow her heart….so under those circumstances it is best not to waste time on a normal relationship.

Better just be lesbian and find happiness in a cockless relationship. Woman threatened me. I told her I have a black belt in Judo and Aikido and have an instrutors license in Kendo. Woman told me she will be back with her butch girlfriend. I told her that will be very good for her friend as i will take her behind a bush and make her a real woman!’

Deep listening

October 20, 2018

Some time back ago….

A planter told me – he would crush me…this man went on to add that he would then piss and dance on my grave.

I did not say a word…I merely looked at this person impassively…all the while observing him like a hunter.

Then when he had finished. He flashed me a look of expectancy to which I asked of him….tell me what really keeps you awake at night?…..why are you afraid like a child in the night?


‘It is not the people who talk alot that you must be mindful of…that is because what they’re actually doing without them even realizing it is just talking to themselves…that’s to say, they’re thinking aloud. So these people are open books…there’s no mystery there.

The people who you must be mindful of in business are those who you and everyone expect to talk..but for some incomprehensible reason they are content to only listen….so you have to ask further. What conditions compelled this person to develop this skill?

Because people generally do not pick up skills unless they have too – that’s to say difficult conditions shape their responses and habits. For example hunters in Siberia mix gun oil with diesel to stop their rifles from gunking. People who drive for a living wear their watches inside their wrist so that they dont have to take their hands of the steering wheel to read time.

So one more time please…what conditions forced this man to adopt this attitude of listening deeply instead of being like so many thousand souls out there who all have plenty to say about themselves? Because this is not a dime and a dozen discipline that one just picks up by reading a self improvement book from a newsagent in the airport.

be careful.’

Being quiet

October 19, 2018

Usually it is not what has been said that is most impactful. Rather it is what everyone expects to be said. Yet for some mysterious reason it remains unsaid that has the most dramatic impact.

If and when the crooked bridge is built by Mahathir & Co. It will be a mini sized version of the Kra Isthmus or canal. To say that this development will not affect Singapore adversely is like whistling in the dark.

I am in this down and out place deep in the belly of the city. The mood is austered…tomb like even. No one here makes eye contact. They all seem to be in their individual hermetically sealed bubbles. I guess its much easier that way for the afternoon cake and tea to go down…..some people flash me a momentary look of interest ….they probably think I am a driver or something. As in the city only zoo keepers and drivers ever wear bush jackets.

The tea is hot and nice like the cakes….its a nice tea time.


It is conceivable this trade war between the US and China will last twenty possibly even fifty years.

As what is rapidly emerging (for me, at least) is the slow burn realization – the policy of targeting Chinese trade is not being carried on Trump’s petulant whim.

Rather it is a well thought out strategy that enjoys support from both the democractic and Republican camp along with Congress, businesses and the US intelligensia… is too well organized and thought out.

In the last six months. I have observed this slow hardening posture towards China…its layered like the application of lacquer…one layer at a time…till the ‘very idea’ has permeated almost every level of American society from main stream media to even academic discourses…that its perfectly alright and even down right functional to be hostile towards China.

The prevailing sentiment is reminiscent of the collective fears and anxities that once gripped the American consciousness during the tumultous sixties. Such is the fervour that it is not uncommon these days for politicians and theoreticians to talk openly about containing China as a new consensus approach of how to deal with China.

This is a historical shift…as it is disturbing. As from what I am able to perceive, the public is slowly desensitize to the whole idea – why its not so nasty to be nasty to China.

However I for one am both sadden and gladden by this move….sadden because I have always considered it exceedingly stupid for any nation or bloc of countries to attempt to modulate the economic and military rise of China….they might as well go a plough the seven seas!

Gladden as this strategy of containment can only create so much social economic pressure as to force Chinese policy makers and technocrats to be more innovative in overcoming a slew of road blocks to eventually emerge as a stronger and better nation.


‘Understand this! Understand it clearly. I have never believed the stillborn TPP was merely a supranational blueprint to promote global trade and cooperation. From day one! I have called it for what I believed it to be!

A cunning strategy of containment designed specifically to hobble China’s geo economic influence….today the cat is finally out of the bag. There is no longer any need to skirt around the issues…the US means to contain China by every possible means. In this sense containment and sabotage are terms that can be used interchangeably to describe the workings of this strategy.

The US will fail.

It is almost a mathematical certainty as it is a historical truism….if only they realize the error of their ways*

*Many years ago where I turn the wheel of life. A consortium of greedy landowners planned to drive out a new landowner and seize his lands. I told them, there are only two possible outcomes. One he is broken in half like a twig and should that be the case, he would no longer be a threat. The second, he will overcome whatever roadblocks and emerge stronger and when that happens the prospect of a long and expensive internecine trade war can only be inevitable. As it would be a fight to the death. For many days I pleaded with the elders to give this man a face saving option where he could bow out honorably. But despite my most strenous efforts their counselleris did not budge an inch. All my pleas fell on deaf ears.

Today we wage war with this man who we have all manufactured from our arrogance and conceit. It has gone on for ten long years and none of us can even remember what the bad blood was all about, not that anyone cares these days…. and by the looks of it, it has enough momentum to go on for another ten years or more….I am old now. But as I reflect back on this episode

I often shake my head in despair…as when I think back….we could have collaborated….it was so clear to me then…as it is so incredibly stupid then as it is today! Maybe I should have stuck my head out a bit more to prevent this…maybe…but you must understand I was not a big landowner then as I am today.’

When a political outfit has been in power for a long time. Then its internal processes can only begin to calcify and eventually fossilize. Since all known resistance have been systematically crushed by the apparatus of the state. This political outfit will not experience any intellectual resistance. Without resistance, it will begin to degrade and grow flabby. The longer it is in this sedentary death zone, the more it will begin to mythologize its own origins along with legitimacy as to why it is to the common good of all that it and no other political party should be in power. Soon the hegemony of this political outfit will begin to ritualize their class politics and they might even develop a mentality of entitlement where they actually believe they have every right to high salaries, despite failing to show any compelling reason why they should deserve such consideration from hardworking taxpayers….but when a political outfit loses power. Then it can only transform from a flabby fatso into a very lean and mean machine. Since parvenus, carpetbaggers and good for nothings will not be able to bear the uncertainty of being out of power…they can only resign from politics. This condition of stress will weed out the men from the boys leaving only very serious men who are not afraid of either uncertainty or hardship. And since the political party that has unseated them will sue and put many of the displace politicians in power. Those that do not commit suicide in jail can only develop high risking taking appetite and a durable can do spirit……with such quality of men in power…a country can only become very strong, prosperous and great.


‘No one just becomes strong! No one. So now that you know this…you know that to be strong is very unnatural. As most people are very comfortable and that means they are experiencing a sort of death in very small increments daily. That is why you must constantly be skeptical especially when funny people tell you they are the best that money can buy…chances are…they’re getting high on their own kool aid.

To be strong and capable one must be constantly threatened with the real and present threat of extinction! This is true of people, firms and even countries.

For example. People who are spoilt rotten by their rich and guilt ridden parents invariably end up as crazy rich Asians. They take to drugs like fish to water. That is because everything has come too easy for them. There’s no motivation to improve. They never have to be on toes when the water was rising. That incidentally is also the very same reason why you dont see half of the firms in the fortune 500 ten years ago. They have all died off because at some point in their life cycle instead of progressing they regressed and one reason why the tide turned the other way was because they lulled themselves into flabbiness and complacency.

If you look at Israel they are at the very top of the survival game. That is because all their neighbors want nothing better than to drive them to the sea! British MP’s rarely have to issue ‘my words were taken out of context’ to the press corps. As Westminster is perhaps the most open quorum in the world and their MP’s are forced to be prolific orators. Speaking well is not optional, its de riguer and jugular survival skill!

Just as all well respected and accomplished planters without exception first started off planting on land that everyone considered impossible to sustain agriculture. Usually they are forced into this…as land that no one wants is cheap. But thru their travails, these planters gain arcanum. Either that or they have to eat their shoes!

My point is there are no safety nets!

Skill of arms do not develop out of nothing or in a situational vacuum. Often if they come about it is a function or response to a real and imminent threat…..Like Africans say, one should always be mindful of men who have alot of deep scars.’

Peace talk

October 15, 2018

Tomorrow is my first round of ‘peace talks’ with the consortium of landowners. I already know what their agenda is…as I have a reliable spy in their camp.

Come tomorrow….they will be there at eight sharp…but I will not be there….I’ve gone fishing.


Dogs & Kids

October 15, 2018

Tomato base spaghetti

October 14, 2018

I am still researching this recipe. As it is, I can make it and it is flavorful. The problem is I am not able to reproduce this dish with a high level of consistency. I still need time to figure out what’s missing….once I have sorted it out…I will post the recipe.


I told this woman that she can meet the best man in the world and yet she will never truly be happy….as providing you NEED someone else to make you complete….and since that need can never be satisfactorily fulfilled, not even by the best man in this world….you will always be craving and yearning for the unfulfilled.

The only person who can make you happy is YOURSELF! It all starts and end there.

One should always develop the wisdom to discover happiness and fulfillment in oneself BEFORE trying to find it others.


‘If you examine very carefully the life of weighty men. You will find they all without exception embody one characteristic. They can all stand alone. That is to say they are not afraid of loneliness and being lonely is always their default position. You will never find weighty men clumping around the water cooler with other insecure souls gossiping and wasting their time. You will never find them indulging in silly things like trying to say and do things to seek the approval, respect and love of others. Instead they will always go their own way and this is why, these category of men can at times come across as proud and arrogant and insensitive.

As even if they are with another person who shares their life…they are still very much part of loneliness. As elementally they were all forged in furnace loneliness. Always remember loneliness is their default position…because only in this domain where angels fear to thread is the road to self discovery.

You can never complete such a man or woman because even before you came into this person’s life he is already complete and he or she requires absolutely nothing from you….because this person is not searching for anything you might have to complete him or her. As I said, he or she is already complete and even if you are with this person. You will sense a deep under current of loneliness in this person….as that is their natural rest point – it is these type of person that you should aspire to be BEFORE searching for your mate and if you are such a person…you should restrict your search for a mate to only these type of people as well.

The people which you must be careful of are those who are fearful of loneliness. Fear compels them to search for people who they believe will complete their incomplete lives….so in their mind. They already have a shopping list, a story comprising of what they believe can and will make them happy and fulfilled and since this list is in the external realm…in the hands of someone else…it is not something that they can search and cultivate within themselves.

These are very dangerous people to themselves and those who are unfortunate enough to be associated with them. As since they are always searching externally and not internally for happiness and fulfillment…they can only be disappointed and suffer.

Even should they discover happiness it will only be chimeric and fleeting as it is not grounded on a solid foundation of sustainability.

Many people do not know this. This is why they get married only to discover a big fat nothing and end up divorcing and blaming the other person for destroying their life. This is why the divorce rate is so high in Singapore.

Know only this. No one can make you happy and complete in this world and even if there exist such a person. It may not be wise to give another such overwhelming powers over you….only you can make yourself sad or happy.

To know the truth is to accept full responsibility for your life and mental well being. Many do not want to accept the truth. Because they are addicted to playing the victim. Playing the victim buys them sympathy votes. Playing the victim shifts the blame to others be it governments to everything ranging from global warming to imagined enemies.

But by playing victim these denialist do not realise they have inadvertently empowered their oppressors by breathing life into a lifeless statute!

I am responsible for my own welfare.

I am completely responsible for both my happiness and sadness.

I never once gave any person least of all Jane or government any dominion over my life! The moment people make it impossible for me to turn the wheel of life here. I will get on my bike and head off to the Ukraine and present my passport to the ministry of agriculture and livestock. They will all be so happy that they will declare a public holiday. As over there they know the difference between real and fake jobs…they know the difference between people who are just fudging around and serious men who can put in a hard day’s labor seven days a week and go right back to do the same the week after. So they dont want stock brokers…farmers on the otherhand are good to go and I happen to be an iron cross with oak leaves and diamonds farmer…I will get the super deluxe treatment, they will give me prime land. Or I will go elsewhere. May even give me a round quiet woman who can cook and fix the tractor. Over there I will grow wheat. If not there North Korea. I can grow sorghum over there and make decent hooch on the side. Over in those countries people venerate farmers. They’re heroes.

My point is I will never ever just give anyone or institution power over my life…it is all in the palm of my hands…it has always been only there.’

First move…

October 14, 2018

My first move is to demand for the eastern portion of lands that border my own lands. When the rest of the landowners asked why I should have a right to these lands….I told them all…it is only natural and right that I should have the right to farm these lands.


‘It is very natural for a bunch of insecure folk to gang up inorder to write the rules of how to play the game of life. This is because they are too weak minded to stand alone and by forming into a gang it is the lazy boy’s way to monopolize power and to exercise control over others along with bullying them.

When faced with such a situation.

Never respond aggresively. Never fight directly. Instead allow your enemies to believe they are in absolute and total control. Feign submission wherever possible….and bide for time.

Meanwhile secretly degrade your enemies ability to exercise command and control. Ensure three operational criterias are in place – it is expensive to command and control, labor intensive in terms of men and material and where possible force your enemy to plough resources in maintaining this iron curtain. Try to make so much trouble that this survelliance structure can only grow and grow like a monster organization.

Once you see divisions and arguments brewing in the enemy camp. Make your move when they are distracted and weak.’

It’s always a big mistake to piss off the closest superpower in the neighborhood.


‘There can be no such thing as an uneventful ascent of China. To expect it is simply to be unhinged from reality. Whenever a new superpower emerges it will always be tumultous, controversial and in some cases violent.

It is not policies…if that were really the case. All that needs to be done is plan and roll out thoughtful policies and this would be sufficient to effect change that can produce good for people and country.

The biggest constraint that Malaysia faces is the attitude and outlooks of SOME people.

Unfortunately so many of these narrow minded, parochial and insular thinkers populated virtually every sector of Malaysian life making it virtually impossible to effect real and meaningful change.


‘We all like to believe change comes from outside us. That is why whenever we are in a fix. We blame everyone except ourselves. Some peole like to blame politicians. Others like me much prefer to point the crooked finger at the abstraction of global warming….price of veggies going up! Global warming. Stock market heading south….global warming so more. Cannot shit also global warming.

But I thought long and hard over this matter of how do things really change…where does it all begin and where is it most meaningful?

At the end of years of research and obervations….I find real change can only come from the individual level.

It is pointless to talk about macro level changes when the raw material is not able to translate theory into reality.

The catalyst for real and meaningful change begins with the individual and at this personal level the agent for change works itself out from the person to the broader world at large.’

In a world that constantly tells us all to treat those who appear weak and helpless as loss causes and to only fix our eyes on winners….it’s easy to put all our hopes and aspirations on winner dogs. That is why I have decided to call him Atomic dog. As everyone who has seen him has recounted to me that this is no ordinary Dobermann pup. Even at a young tender age, Atomic dog has begun to stake out his own turf…a sure sign of an alpha dog that has all the inbreed qualities of a natural leader.

While seeming ‘loser’ autistic dogs like Rufus seems to do very little everyday except to provoke comments from onlookers like ‘such a pity that he’s a weirdo as he looks so normal.’ To which Rufus can only respond with a mix of blankness and terminal indifference.

Atomic dog is purposeful. Rufus likes to cry no reason in the dark… much so that I have to let him in to calm him down. Atomic dog looks like one of those promising canines that can be groomed as a personal protection dog. Rufus on the otherhand just stands on my spot the whole transfixed on things that only he and he alone knows and cares about.

But despite the collective wisdom that says we should only rightly spend money on those who hold out promise, true practitioners of those who know how to lead a purpose driven life do the opposite. … They do this because in life it is not always about winning or trying to be the best all the time that matters all the time. Rather it is only when we invest in the knowledge to empower the weakest amongst us to wins in his or her own way, that we can really be real winners and claim to be the best.

People who leave others behind….they will always be losers even if they seem to win and insist they are the best.


‘In the frontier it is not easy to hold on to one’s humanity. It only seems easy. But since you will experience first hand how wantonly fleeting life can be in the wild. And how only the strong reliably survive and the weak perish as they do under the aegis of the law of the jungle. Soon one can only become hard and implacable…this is how a man’s heart turns to stone.

And what is the use of having all the riches and influence in this world…when one’s own heart is so devoid of all humanity and empathy that it is like a desert? Might as well be poor and destitute and with a heart….that would at least make you more of a human.

So when we see life in those terms – winning cannot be an end by itself…it is only a means to an end. As the real goal in life is to craft a better person and its conceivable to connect and nourish our sense of what it means to be human…we have even do things which seem to take us away from winning. Such as slowing down so that the weakest climber can keep up, carrying part of his gear so that he can keep the pace…all these are the anti thesis of winning and being the best, but it is the raw material that keeps us gainfully human.

If I harbor such a thing as regret…it is that many today see me as a ruthless man. Even should I donate millions to schools and charities. They will still whisper behind my back…that man once did this and that…his heart is like a mountain of granite…he only knows revenge and delights in war. In the past. I took exceptional pride in pinning the blame on society for making me who I am…..if you all had given me one morsel of fairness and justice….I would never take up arms against you!….. But at some point I dont think it is possible for any man to run away from the truth.

Maybe if I had been less insistent that I was right…less opinionated….less of a bastard. Maybe people would see today me as a softer and more approachable fellow.’

Rufus is a beautiful dog… just need a bit of time and patience and imagination to come to this realization.

In this planet that we all inhabit. Not everyone or for that matter canine is the same as anyone or any dog. People can say what they want….that’s their right. They can say so and so is like this or that. Or they can even declare this breed has this or that characteristics and temprament….but who really knows for sure? Definitely not the so called experts….that’s for sure.

At the end of the day it all comes down to how YOU choose to fellowship with those who may be different from you….only dont be surprised if at the end of that long journey…providing you have the wisdom, sagacity and patience to bear it out. You’ll realize that – you are not so different from them.

We all live, work and play in this planet….we are one….that may seem straightfoward. But unfortunately, it isnt.


‘Maybe its not poignant to you…but to me, it certainly was…the moment in the sci fi movie Arrival. When the main protagonist. Dr. Louise Banks recounts to her daughter why she got divorced.

“He said I made the wrong choice,”

I guess what I am trying to say in a round about way is that is exactly what every parent who has to raise an autistic child says to him or herself. Privately. In the dark when the house resonates only with the sound of sleep…when there is no one looking or hearing.

“He said I made the wrong choice,”

As a child I once heard my parents saying the same thing….i remember the rustles of the leafs. The way the crimillion rays of light made wavy patterns on the dark brown kitchen tiles.

It’s an easy line to overlook.. especially when movies these days is laced with so much CGI and mind boggling plots and sub plots.

The viewer in the movie is taken thru the narrative not in a linear manner. Rather the story unfolds thru the jumble of past, present and future of Louise’s life experience.

“He said I made the wrong choice,’

Louise like the viewer is experiencing kooky time, like maybe what I term autistic time, because in her frevent efforts to connect the dots of alien language. She herself has to go thru a sort of mental reincarnation – where she can only see the world differently from everyone else…that if you notice is when she starts to piss off everyone. And that incidentally is also what happens when an autistic person tries to function in the ‘normal’ world. All that this person can do is provoke mistrust, anger and emnity…in very much the way the good intentions of the aliens are.

The movie Arrival was not a movie to me. It was a symbol of how much of me is so alien from everyone else that I often found myself identifying with the aliens and Dr Louise. I could understand the collective frustrations of wanting to understand the incomprehensible….about how exasperating language can be and above all how so much of what we…the human species terms as cooperations is predicated not on real deep spirited undetstanding. Rather its based on a collective assumption of what we all consider as normal, sane and reasonable.

It has been many many years since I recalled the words….he said, I made the wrong choice….in a sense like the main protagonist Dr Louise. If i had to do it again – i wouldn’t change a thing. I am glad Rufus the autistic dog came to my life. As I can only be gladden that throughout my life so many tried and failed to fit me into their square hole. I am not just taking a militant position against the world. No! Rather I accept it. The rapidity of others to judge and pigeon hole me etc etc. I bear no grudges against the world. None whatsoever. I absorb it all and it all goes thru me like a pane of glass. Just as I care very little whether world may understand Rufus or how we have so much fun together or how Rufus can only add and never actually subtract from the idea of living a purpose driven life. Like I said alot of time have passed under the bridge of time for me to make my peace with my condition and the world that is. Along with burying the memories of many cruel words and people who onced wished me dead.

But all that can never change the fact that since the moment of my youth. I have always believed that I have super powers.

I am after all…the greastest farmer who ever lived…..I can even plant strawberries on the moon given half a chance. I wish sometimes I can share my vision of farming with the masses….perhaps one day I will.

Sometimes one must believe…..especially when no one seems too….in a beautiful dog called Rufus that is.

The moral of the story is life can be beautiful even when it seems everything is wrong from the word go….humans can do this, see the good in bad, turn a curse into a blessing, truimph over adversity and even carve a sliver of heaven in a pile of shit! They can. Ants and armadillos cannot do this, but we humans can!’