Tree vs Road

December 16, 2018

Some of my business rivals. Especially the ones with holes in their heads. Actually believe all it takes to track my movements is hire a $2 private investigator to tail me….These nut cases dont realize that I am very accustomed to operating in inhumane conditions where everyone is out to kill me!

So I have contigencies for virtually every single scenario…at least three back ups.

To deal with these malevolent forces. I travel thru a secret network of plantation roads. These are single lane bitumen roads. They will alternate without warning between laterite, granite, wild grass and bitumen. This way whoever tails me needs to be able to handle a 4X4. Otherwise they will literally be stuck in the mud. At certain points the road can be precariously rickety especially when crossing streams and rivers where its just millimeters to spare. Many of these plantation roadways were constructed during the colonial period of empire, flying boats and the mythical British rubber barons and tin tycoons.

I happen to have the most extensive network of roads that arent supposed to exist…yet they do in my head! This literally allows me to disappear only to reappear like Dr Who.

I just find it very scary to drive thru these ghost roads in the dead night…they look as if they have been ripped out from some horror B movie set.

Fortunately, I can count on four legged good samaritans in the field…wild dogs. Whenever I am scared I always turn to cannines. All I had to do was wind down my window and let out a distress howl. This is like a cannine international all frequencies SOS and soon they appeared like the myhtical ghost army and shadowed me thru out the excruiting slow eye in the needle drive.. …I opened up a durian with my machete and gave it to them for their kindness.


‘During the Japanese invasion of Malaya. The British were surprised that Japanese divisions could appear only to disappear. At times whole entire regiments would wake up only to realize that they had been encircled by Japanese forces. At other times, when the British massed up in the hope to push the Japanese back. They simply didnt show up and magically reappeared behind their defensive lines. On other occasions when key nodes were heavy reinforced with pill boxes and trench lines to blunt the invasion force, the japanese simply went around these hard points.

This disconcerted the indian commonwealth troops so much that they called the invaders – the ghost army.

Even today historians do not know how the Japanese accomplished this remarkable feat. But I know. Infact I can even take some of you on a three day bike ride to retrace the invasion of Malaya right down to Singapore.’

This is bad…and by the looks of it, it will get plenty worse. As it is many plantations have begun tightening their belts….but this is short…as the pain intensifies. Some will cut further. Others will cut so deep that they will go right down to bone and after that cannibalization will follow where to just survive, they would have to sell just to stay afloat.

Today I took out my three holes bush jacket. This is an austerity attire that is designed to convey to anyone who may be interested – that the good times are well and truly over and hard times are here to stay.

The three holes bushjacket is a very powerful psychological weapon of distraction….if worn properly by the planter it can invoke all sorts of magical powers. For example, the village girl who I regularly buy nasi lemak from has now super sized by breakfast meal from D to F size with free fish or chicken portion…all to be had at the same price.

Whenever I wear this magic attire and look at diners in a restaurant depending on how hard I press my nose to glass…At times I will even get a free meal and if not that most certainly a substantial discount.

The way in which this magic bushjacket works is as follows – the first hole is to signify the obvious – it is simply a hole in an every day attire. No Da Vinci code and mystery there. But these days since it is fashionable to wear torn jeans. The more disintegrated the hipper it is. It is necessary to incorporate a second hole. This is to reaffirm that the hole is not decorative and the third is to confirm that all three holes in this bushjacket is most likely the result of chronic wear and tear which the sad owner has resigned himself to wear without a care in the world by virtue of his limited means.

In times like this when the oil palm market has collapsed. The three hole bushjacket is like a batman or superman suit, it will allow me to proceed like a submarine without drawing too much attention…..i may even be a good idea to spread rumors that I am filling for bankruptcy and possibly fill up a bottle of Johnny Walker with Jia Jia liang teh.

With this bushjacket. I will play dead…once the prey present itself….I will still remain motionless like a moss ridden rock…once it comes so close that I can sense its breathe….that is when I will spring to life and strike!


‘In a crisis if you still your mind and calm your heart…you will soon discover many opportunities. But to strike decisively alone is not nearly enough….what is required is the element of surprise….with surprise on ones side what is hard and dangerous can even be easy and relatively safe.

This opportunity will only come once every ten years.

But I dont imagine I am the only one who can make out good pickings. There will be some who can see what I see and they will form up.

It will not be easy….then what is these days.’

When both countries enjoy an excellent relationship, it simply means they are both snuggled in their respective comfort zones….the problem with that seemingly happy picture is both countries will experience a slow and sweet death in the comfort zone.

The Romans did not consciously plan or create the greatest war machine ever in the period of antiquity. What materialised this was the indefensibility of Rome itself and the necessity to maintain a professional army to deal with constant external threats.

Paradoxically when these threats diminished this was also the advent of an age when the skill of arms of the Roman legions corroded to uselessness… me, this is not a coincidence.


‘When I first started as a planter. I was denied prime level field to plant. Yes…It is not a mistake, I want to be clear. I used the term ‘denied’ as that is the most accurate description of what I believe to be a form of apartheid to explain why it should have been that way.

Since I was limited to farm on hilly land. This was where I resigned to turn the wheel of life.

I learnt many things from planting on hilly land.

For one I had to keep very accurate weather tabula data and even develop my own methodology on how best to thrive in this environment of resource scarcity. I developed many ways to harvest rain water. This is because virtually every textbook on farming is premised on flat and ideal land. I had to develop my own knowledge base from scratch….it was not easy and I encountered many set backs. But eventually without me even realizing it. I must have made some head way. As I even patented some of my inventions and sold them to the Swedes. I also had to learnt cutting edge irrigation and scientific farming techniques from the Isrealites and that was not a single day that went by where I did not encounter all manner and varieties of problems that seldom ever afflicts those who are blessed with flat planting land.

Since the autistic mindset is particularly well suited to the vocation of agriculture – I did not consider my travails a curse. My attitude was I will take each day as it presents itself…as a clean page with a written problem…there was no actual philosophy, only perhaps a very simple ‘can do!’ outlook.

One day after planting on hilly land that no one wants to plant. A flat piece of land came to the market. But no one wanted it as it was swampy and proned to flooding.

But since I had years of practical experience in managing problematic land. I was able to tease out the extraordinary potential of this plot of land that most considered ill suited for argriculture. Since thru the years I had familiarised myself with surveying, trench building and even diverting the river. I knew that I could leverage on all my skills and experience to transform this land for planting.

I bought this land. Felled every single tree. Dug trenches so deep that it could swallow a whole carpark and maybe more and soon the land that everyone said was good for nothing became the most beautiful plot of land.

The moral of the story is do not be sad that relations between Malaysia and Singapore are taking a turn for the worse…as in life, it is not what kind or how much trouble comes your way. Rather it will always be – how you choose to respond to all these challenges.

Be calm and steady.’

Because I am autistic. I cant help but see 50% of the world thru my sense of smell. For example. Presently I have directed my focus to the very interesting subject of coffee….whenever I direct my mind to a thing…anything. It is usually a very intense whirlwind process that takes over every aspect of my life…perhaps i should explaon….it is not an eau de cologne experience…rather the process is much very profound and penetrating like the headiness of parfum… just overwhelms…..

Now, just by allowing my nose to lead.

I am beginning to discover the many-layered dimensions of this new frontier….it is akin to wandering in an ancient city that time has forgotten.

One cannot rush it….every scene should be savoured slowly. To watch how the sun archs ever so slowly caressing its shadows on alleys, streets and squares…to tease out how the light changes from indigo at dawn to bronze thru out the day.

The longer I allow myself to marinate in this strange land, the deeper and keener my sense of smell…at times, i much rather shut my eyes tight as they can only mislead.

At other times when I am in the zone of the third eye…I can even catch hints and the merest suggestion of sea breeze, sun-warmed creosote and freshly harvested cloves from faraway lands….the deeper I go into the olfactory wonderland of coffee. The more detailed my map of this strange geography of the sense becomes….I can pick up hints of civet, herbacious scents of moss, kyara.

I am never afraid of the invisible country of smells…..I am completely comfortable in it and whenever I feel the walls of the world closing all around me….all I have to do is breathe.

Coffee & Oudh

December 12, 2018

The word Mocca…actually originates from a port in Yemen called Mok-Kar.

In Mok-Kar coffee is usually served in oudh bars.

Coffee is said to clear the sense of smell so that one can appreciate all the hemispheres the burning wood offers.

No! I dont believe it is ALL about Mahathir. However, I can well understand WHY some people prefer to forward that view as the only credible explanation.

The issues are complicated.

Infact it is so complicated, opaque and in some cases irreconcilliable that I believe even AFTER Mahathir, irrespective of who assumes the office of PM in Malaysia, be it Anwar or someone else…many of the issues raised will still be contested and disputed vigorously.

No! It cannot be about just Mahathir alone.


Many believe the return of Mahathir as Malaysian Prime Minister also means the return of the baggage of the past bitterness with Singapore during his first tenure as Prime Minister from 1981 to 2003. Others insist the reason why Mahathir is taking such an antagonistic attitude towards Singapore may have something to do with his own failure to build a better Malaysia that can give Singapore a run for the $….then there are others who believe, his belligerence may have something to do with a grand agenda to subjugate Singapore and its ultimately driven by Mahathirs acute inferiority complex to former Singapore Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew stature.

But I dont see it that way at all… see it is really like this. Many Malaysians and this point of view is not confined to only Mahathir….believe, real or imagined that Najib & Co sold the shop for two packets of nasi lemak. That is to say they believe the tanjong pagar/ rochor deal in exchange for the plots of land in Marina Bay along with the possibility of other deals all point to some secret tacit agreement…..this is all made much more believable as Najib and Mini Lee seems to enjoy a pally relationship…of course all this cannot be proven. But what is important for Singapore to understand is neither can it be disproved either.

If the two nasi lemak are super D cup sized with otah. Then it would not be an issue….but the problem is SOME Malaysians believe they got severely short changed by a nano 28AA Nasi Lemak.

So this is not a case of chill it man! It is very serious!

The problem with a micro 28AA Nasi Lemak is it doesnt hit the spot…that is the summary of the issue.

In my opinion. There is no need to go to war. Only children talk this way. Because they know no better.

But there is a need for both sides to sit down and talk frankly on how best to move forward. The bones of contention from the Najib era all have to be discussed openly…..otherwise there will be no end to this, it will just go right on like a sad litany.


‘People who know the art of war from the inside out. That is to say those who have waged a war…..are usually the very last people who wish for war. That is because they know, no one wins in a war. Even those who win, lose in their own way… only stupid and the unaware at itching for a fight.

When I reflect on my own life. I can almost guarantee you one hundred and ten percent if you ask any of my business rivals whether they would fight with me if they could see ten or twenty years into the future. Not a single one will say they dont have regrets, including me! I for one dont mind telling you I have many many regrets and if I could step into a time machine and redo it again…maybe I would be less rash and impulsive. But it was a long time ago. Besides I was out numbered. They were much more powerful than me. I had no choice….I had to attack first. I had to make full use of surprise. That was many years ago. Today I am not just a small veggie patch landowner….but people say that I am a different man. They say, he doesnt smile any longer. He seldom ever mixes around. He trust no one. He only has revenge in his heart.

It was such a long time ago that I dont even remember what we once fought over.’

Snatch block

December 11, 2018

This is something that is very important when you’re driving all alone in slippery plantation roads.

To mobilize…..

December 10, 2018

Finally….someone smart listens to me. Now listen further. Bc they will come for me in the dark after this.

Now listen very carefully to me….remember they will come for me soon.

You must occupy an island…any bloody rock will could say its for research and scientific purposes…for coffee research maybe!

You must do this within fourteen days!



December 9, 2018

You could get away producing shit Robusta beans, but only to a certain point….you still need a bit of a good stuff to rub off the bad…Arabica. Maybe 20%. The best Arabica beans grow in war torn regions in Africa.

Before he opened his infamous cheebai mouth Singapore not only had the moral high ground….many Malaysians even sympathised with Singapore’s plight as they dont even know what their own government is trying so hard to prove in the Johor straits.

Now all that is flushed down the toilet.


‘Do you all notice the future PM of Singapore Heng Swee Keat has absolutely nothing much to say recently….the reason why he doesnt say anything is because no one expects him to say anything and they expect him to do even less.

But when Chan Chun Seng makes a comment – do you notice suddenly the otherside begins to make overtures of attempting to lower the temperature….why is that so?

I am so sorry. I cannot spoon feed all of you all the time….so this has to be your homework.

As for potty mouth Kausikan. No one seriously gives two hoots what he has to say. Not the serious people at least. Its like two drunks fighting over whether the Da vincci code is real or just make belief….do you see organized criminals getting bothered…what about the freemasons and opus dei. Do you see them losing sleep?’

Arabica & Robusta

December 8, 2018

Robusta is a species of coffeebean that was first discovered in Belgian Congo, present day, Zaire.

Five aspects stand out about Robusta beans.

(1) Can grow at lower altitudes.

(2) Can withstand higher temperatures.

(3) Disease resistant.

(4) Significantly cheaper to produce when compared to Arabica beans.

(5) Generally not as flavorful when compared to Arabica.

Few weeks ago. When I posted that the next PM of Singapore MUST be a military man. As usual. The same idiots rolled their eyes and started to behave like Linda Blair in the movie Exorcist. Some even sent me charming letters calling me names. Some even recommended pickling unmentionable body parts de moir…there was even one poster who wrote a ten full pages to either try to convince me or himself that I am a psychopath.

As everyone in the internet knows….I have renounced all forms of evil, so I forgive all you assholes with grass for brains!

Now hopefully you all understand WHY….one can only hope that sheep can do a foxes job!

Majulah Singapura!


‘Without clear rules of engagement in the johor straits. The probability of an untoward conflagaration is virtually a mathematical certainty. Please understand this is how I SEE IT! I could of course be wrong.

But when both sides are playing ‘chicken’ with serious tonnage of materiale and men – then to me, it is not a question of whether, but when will something happen!

As it is now, both sides are well and truly in lose lose territory. The only question is can the loses be mitigated and minimized….this of course will depend entirely on the person who has to make a decision.’

I am pretty sure its got nothing to do with the question of who invented Cendol!

I have been informed Mini Lee is suing blogger Leong Sze Hian for defamation over the latter’s sharing of a Facebook post.

This to me is very perplexing and bizzare….as why not sue Facebook. Better still why not go to the root of the problem by suing the shit out of the Malaysian news outlet that made the so called ‘defamatory’ claim? Wouldnt that be going to the root of the problem?

Why sue Uncle Leong??? Did he create the ‘fake news’ content? No! After all the carrier facebook didnt even see fit to pull it down! So why not go after them, after all by not taking down the post…arent they giving it the kosher status?

To me there’s something fundamentally wrong to go after a man whose only ‘crime’ is to say – Hey! I saw this and if it piques your interest click here.

Why should the gold standard of the burden of proof to winnow truth from lies reside with the blogger? Shouldnt it be first and foremost the content producer (Malaysian news outlet) and secondly the carrier (facebook)?

I’ve followed the career of Ensar Oud very closely for a very long time. I do not know of anyone in the world of perfumery who has the purity of will, obsession to detail and symmetry of philosophy as Ensar.

He is truly a remarkable master craftsman.

If you want to read more about Ensar I highly recommend,


‘In Singapore one is conditioned to be feel ashamed with working with one’s hands. Manual labor is often perceived as lowly. As a result only very few who work with their hands in Singapore can come to regard their labor as an intensely edifying experience that can give them immense pride.

That is why I believe it is not always a good thing to care to much about what others think about you….if you work with your hands and you’re too self conscious of the opinion of others. I can always guarantee you, you will eventually see your work as purgatory. Given more time, you will do the very least just to get by because you will see it as a metaphor of your failure and with more time….you will grow fat, bald and no one will ever want to fuck you….because you will hate yourself so much that it wouldnt really matter whether you eat ten million fish balls.

To be really so good at working with your hands. You’ve got to be a bit thick skinned. You cant be easily bruised by the opinion of others. Otherwise its quite impossible to cultivate this really deep yearning in your soul to go to a place where no one has been before. In other words you need to be comfortable with the idea of loneliness only then do you have the inner strenght to take the long road.

This is the only way to be really invested in your craft. You dont even care for the money or even bother whether it would all end happily ever after…above all there are no safety nets…’re just like a man who has leaped off the edge with both hands outstretched like some bird.

You believe and so you simply are!

This is a very powerful concept that lesser men will never talk to you about…they will talk to you about why you should plumb for an android smart phone rather than settle for an iphone. They may even talk about why you should go to Bali instead of Batam with your better half….but they will never talk to you about what I am sharing with you now!

That’s why if you ever get the rare opportunity to talk to someone who has worked hard enough to trust his hands and it doesnt really matter what their craft is…could be some hawker who makes really heavenly wafer thin popiah skin to even a barrista who pumps out five chili coffee…you should talk to them about their craft and see their eyes light up and how the sound of voice rises to gush out the words….you should do this, because at some point in the conversation. You would probably realize this is how people behave when they talk about love…God or maybe how to whip the worlds greatest omelette.

One things for sure…you can learn alot!’

I am not old school. Not at all. There’s absolutely nothing about the past that I find endearing on the account of nostalgia sake.

But what’s really appealing about film photography is thay its closer to a craft than a science…its unlike the digital format where one can machine gun away and even review the results instantly to choose the best out of the basket of mediocrity….with film everything is terribly studied and deliberate. You have only one roll that gives you 16 bites at the cherry. No more. That’s really it.

So you mull over the scene. You set it all up on a tripod. Check the light…compensate for shadows and there’s maybe ten to fifteen other calculations that you have to work out with paper and pencil…and finally you take the shot…..but what’s perversely fascinating about film photography is thag you dont really know how it turns out.

It takes yonks these days to get chemical film processed. Anywhere between two week to a whole month!

But when you finally get it back…its usually like a heady cocktail of one part serendipity, two parts epiphany and maybe a dash of luck for good measure.


‘If there’s one thing that analog trumps over digital, it is how its able to forward the idea – less is more. Less is more because if I make a mistake on film. Its permanently archived in the negative with digital you could easily wish it away by deleting. When a mistake stays, one tends to give it a second and third look and that by itself can be an incredibly humbling experience and with that hopefully one improves.’

About women

December 4, 2018

Every woman has several women inside them. If you have never stepped on an ant and your karma stands at a peachy ten….then whenever you see the woman of your dreams…you will only be talking with that one woman.

But most of the time, there are so many women running around in this one womans head that its almost impossible to know who she really is or for that matter who you’re really talking too.

Most men dont know this truism and even less women know…but I know and if you observe carefully, quietly and respectfully….you will know as well.

Just make sure you never tell her – i told you this!’

Coffee in the field

December 4, 2018

I happen to be one of those souls in this planet who believe – it’s not how good it taste….as much as how much pride and dedication one takes to prepare something. I mean taste is very subjective….I guess good is really a function of ones perception along with maybe expectation as well.

But if you go the extra mile to make something and if you share it….then its much more than just taste alone, its got to be an experience that if you’re lucky enough to be part of….even you might believe it to be special and memorable.

Many years ago during the failed Suriman expedition when we were all marooned for months on end in the depths of the rain drenched jungle. There was this chap who got hold of some salt and he put it in a barrel and turned it round and round….what he ended up with was ice.

Ice may not be a big deal to most people back home in Singapore. But for us. We haven’t seen it for nearly a full year. And that’s really the only thing anyone wishes for….ice.

One even dreams about ice….ice lemon tea, ice kacang, iceberg lettuce…oh well maybe not that, but you know what I mean.

For all his effort. He managed to make a nugget of ice. But you dont need to go all the way. As in the jungle a little goes a long way – what I remembered was this, everyone suddenly stopped what they were doing and we all just looked at this tiny nugget of ice….for as long as it lasted, it had the power to mesmerize and even lift us all away from the litany of the grind.

I think that was one of the most thoughtful things I’ve seen anyone do.