Very very small steps….

March 18, 2019

I’ve got this laminated card that I carry in my head…it reads – how do you eat a whale?

I cut it into really small pieces.

Small steps is what I take whenever I have to confront something big and scary.

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It’s a lost and lonely kind of feeling. To wake up in the dead of night. To lie there staring into the darkness. At times whenever this happens. I don’t know who I am. Or even where I am.

During these moment. When I suddenly find myself in the tomb of darkness….I am suddenly overwhelmed by the sheer dimensions of my responsibilities. Along with how vulnerable and fragile I am and soon the dreaded feeling of failure or not performing to expectations closes in…they’re like steel walls closing in.

It can be very very scary.

But I take small steps forward in this darkness. Really small. Even though I dont know where I am or where I am going. I’m taking small steps all the time. Feeling my way. Trying to pull myself together so that all of me sticks together like Lego and doesnt come loose.

At times when I take really small steps. My goal so is simple. I just want to make it through the day and not lose any part of myself. That’s to say, I want to be able to turn in with all of myself still there. Not to lose some to hurt or allow someone who I dont care about to steal a bit of me. Seems about the best that I can hope. But I’m taking small steps….really small and tiny steps.’

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