On the subject of loss

March 16, 2019

Allow me to share with you a big secret in life.

Whatever you lose….whatever it is. A person, thing, opportunity or maybe just a feeling. Even if it feels as if that loss is irreplacable…iredeemable….irreconciliable.

That which you have loss will return to you in a different form and time and place.

The circle cannot be broken….so never feel sad for the loss.

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‘Do not allow bitterness, resentment and the past to interfere with the present and future. Because if you do so….your heart will turn into stone and even if what you once lost returns and stands before you….you will never see it….this is how people miss out in life. They allow the ghost of the past to reach out thru the ocean of time to haunt them in the present and future. So they are constantly living with the ghost of the past.’

All the fingers seem to be pointing at Boeing. The shares have been massively sold down. But the way I see it computers have feautured in commercial jetliners for at least a good fifty more years or so…..so you cant say they’re getting lousier with each successive roll out. That doesnt make sense…..what’s seldom ever discussed in piloting is how airman skills have systematically degraded due to the proliferation of automation….its conceivable, modern pilots may no longer be able to fly by stick any longer.

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‘I dont really have an investment strategy. I only buy when everyone is keen to sell. The keener the better. That’s to say the more I will buy.* Thereafter I wait and when they all start to buy again. That’s when I sell.

I never ever buy when everyone buys. Never!

I know it sounds like quite a dumb strategy….but it has always worked for me.’

*If you invested in Boeing 10 years ago, that decision would have paid off: According to CNBC calculations, a $1,000 investment in 2009 would be worth more than $14,000 as of March 15, 2019, a total return over 1,000 percent!

Strategic Presence

March 15, 2019

You should never disappear out of sight completely….not even if you find the situation uncomfortable, uneasy, difficult, stressful, dangerous etc etc.

Because when you disappear completely…at some point in the conflict, it can always be interpreted as fearfulness, weakness or lack of confidence to engage.

Instead ‘show up,’ and make your presence felt from time to time…choose the time and place and opportunity…..be brief….controlled…..sparing…short…be there right in their face.

Full frontal!

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‘Whenever there’s a land auction. I am always there. May not be in the front row. But everyone knows I am somewhere there. They always know I am there even when I am not there. They know that even if they all chant six million times ‘he doesnt have any money!’ I am there.

You may ask what’s the point? But my point is that’s the whole point of strategic presence – to be just there.’

The perverse outcome of the PH win may well create fertile conditions for radical politics to take root in Malaysia.

The litmus test to whether PH can create a better Malaysia is what will happen in the next GE.

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‘When BN was politically intact it had the rest of the component parties such as MCA and MIC to balance it out and some even mentioned the inclusion of these elements actually buttressed BN from being racially polarised. But following the aftermath of the PH win, the component parties are well and truly dead if not floundering. So what we have now is a leaderless UMNO. In my assessment what will eventually happen is PAS will transform UMNO not only politically but ideologically and philosophically as well till it is indistinguishable from PAS…in other words UMNO will be swallowed up!

Now if this scenario plays out in the next GE in Malaysia, then who ever wins will very unlikely be a moderate party.’

About Mr Koreana

March 14, 2019

I’ve completed writing a love story about Mr Koreana and Miss D. But there’s so much of me in the pages that I would feel almost embarrassed if it was ever read…you see it was written at a period when I realized the end was inevitable….its strange when one lives consciously with the idea of impending doom and yet can some how get by, because that’s really the ultimate condition of contradiction.

Mr Koreana was a character that I fashioned with my writing instrument to cope with that hubris of pain – only a man of infinite contradictions could find solace and respite within the embers of pain….

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Excerpt from the book yet to be titled..

When the man turned around and looked at Miss D. She was lost for words. Dumb struck by the sudden realisation how crumbly some things one just believes will never happen….not to her. To others maybe. But never her.

Till this moment in her life. Miss D had always taken faith and comfort in the infallibility of her knowledge that the invisible lines of serendipity and chance could never intercept sufficiently to alter the course of her destiny.

She always believed it only happened to others…but never her. It may come close like the time when everyone told her the friendly neighbourhood postman never appeared any longer as he had retired promptly after the magic numbers he had chosen lined up to eventually win the national lottery. Or the time when one of her friends colleague boarded a doomed plane only to perish suddenly in a mid air crash – but by and large these kinks of chance were distant abstractions to Miss D who only knew them as distant and faraway abberations in time and space that only afflicted others and never her and now one by one, they were all beginning to happen to her.

She wanted to say something…anything… like maybe….I wasn’t really following you. I am just going the same way. But the lingering taste of what had just happened was still in her mouth, and at that moment she understood that she could not deny it – all of a sudden, without the slightest flicker of a doubt, she understood how her own sense of despair must have suddenly become so great, so crushing, so catastrophic, that she had no choice but to seek some means to be liberated from it.

As since nothing would have ever happened if left to it’s own and even if it did, it was solely a random outcome where their lives seem to veer abruptly from one thing to yet another, to rub up against another thing only to be bumped off somewhere else. Nothing really happened.

A person heads in one direction. Another heads in the opposite direction. One turns sharply in mid-course, the other stalls, drifts, starts up again in yet another direction. Nothing ever comes to fruition, and inevitably each comes back to where they once started from only for the whole cycle to begin again.

But that fateful day when the woman stepped off the train and followed the man who didn’t fit in…she had set into motion a chain of events that could only culminate in this outcome of certainty ….as she wanted it make it happen. She no longer wanted to watch it slip right by for it to bounce here and there like some ivory ball on some roulette wheel of fate where they would both chance on each other again like two stray cats turning the same corner only for one of them to give the other that look of OMG! It’s you again! And to walk away again.

After all there had to be a bloody good reason why they kept bumping into each other all the time…Singapore is small, but it’s not that fucking tiny she screamed somewhere in her head.

Above all she had grown weary of existing solely for herself, living vicariously thru the imaged hopes and dreams and lives of fictitious characters that only came thru the imagined realm of sappy novels and late nights crunched over the computer watching Korean serials. She yearned for much more than just a glimmer what it could be, but since it never happened to her…she had to make it happen. So she jumped off the ledge and then, at the very last moment, it all happened….something reached out and caught her in midair. That something is what she knew only to be love. It is the only power that could defy the Newtonian laws of physics and stop one from falling back to earth. It could have been nothing except the power of love.

That was when it came out….’you know we keep bumping into each other all the time. There are some days when I even know I will see you. I just don’t mean I will see you here or there. But I mean I know that if I step into that train…you will be there. That sort of thing. I just think that maybe we should try to discover why that should be….that’s why I followed you. I am sorry I just need to know where this all leads too….this is my card. Please call me.’

Thereafter she promptly walked away only to stop mid way raise a finger to add,

‘I know what you’re thinking, but I want to make it absolutely clear that I don’t go around doing this sort of thing. Infact this is the first time.’

The man smiled and replied, ‘Thank you I find that most reassuring.’

In this world there are only three types of human beings. Experts on the human species may well insist there might be more or less varieties of humans…but in my studied opinion…there only exist three distinct types.

The first variety of being is the person who is avoids all forms of responsibility.

The second is the being who is ambivalent about who eventually takea responsibility.

And finally. The man who takes responsibility.

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‘Man once sought me out from afar and asked of me – what is the meaning of life? I told this man to ask such a question is like lighting a candle in a cave where everything is painted black…everything will still be dark although there is light. But as soon as you put your shoulder into that word responsibility. Then it is like bringing a bright flower into that cave where everything is painted black…suddenly the light of the candle can fall on this flower and what was once a miserable and dark place will be illuminated with beauty.

That is why when people ask of me what is the purpose or meaning of life – i will demand that they first shoulder the burden of responsibility.

If you want to witness the cleansing effects of responsibility on the human spirit. All you have to do is look into the heart of a man or woman who has to raise an autistic child. You will find that this person does not live for himself, but the child. You may say he has inadvertently shortchanged his life, but you must understand. You are talking to a man with a mission…so your words will always sound hollow.

If you want to witness the cleansing effects of responsibility. I can show you a boy who is just eighteen and has to single handedly provide for his four siblings. Although this person is just a boy. He holds down two shift jobs, saves every penny and harbors the dream to see all his siblings graduate. When you talk to such people. They do not go around asking silly questions like what is the meaning of life. One can actually see so much meaning in their lives and how they can touch the lives of others.

These people are powerful because they are prepared to shoulder the burden of responsibility!

Remember there are only three types of men in this world!’

At my lowest point. She brought with her hope and happiness. I will always love her unconditionally in my own way.

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‘I was deceitful. Deceitful not to her…but to myself. I lied to myself that there could be such a thing as a future where we could both be together. As time went by, i learnt to regard lie as the truth….the only truth. Its easy to cultivate this bent of seeing only what one wants to see. As for the rest it could just as well be pushed further back into that part of the mind labelled ‘forgotten.’

Yes. I was very deceitful…and possibly even a coward. But I want you to understand this – I did all these because I loved her and it had nothing to do with misleading her.

The truth is there was no such thing as anything resembling a future. The idea of a future can really only belong to someone who owns himself….I am not that sort of man. The things I own….the things that everyone looks at me with burning envy…they all bloody own me!

There’s really only the grind of my mission, where I would wake up, put in the hours and to repeat all of it again….and this would go on till one day I die.

The only thing that really mattered was the mission……..as for whatever future we may have once shared, it will always exist in another world far removed from this world that I call my life.

I dont need much to go on…I am not like other people. I can get by with very little….this other world far removed from this world is where I will continue to see her….what we all lose in life will come back to us in another form and person…..I will see my one and only love again.’

Fear & Suffering

March 13, 2019

Fear is the most advanced form of suffering. When you are in fear….everything that is you and outside you shuts down.

That is why I am very committed to driving out fear….everyone who comes in contact with me. After a while….they will feel and believe everything is suddenly possible…when just a while ago all they could make out was roadblocks.

That is because the first lesson I teach those who I have the privilege to come across – the only thing to fear is fear itself!

Overwhelmed by negativity

March 12, 2019

This afternoon I was supposed to bring out a very unpleasant subject with one of my suppliers….but I could sense during our meeting. This chap was swarmed by a storm of negativity. It was definitely one of those days where it all poured down on him very heavily and it seems everyone is just dumping on him and there he was drowning in a sea of negativity.

So I changed the subject instead….to something sunny, bright and happy.

I am fading away

March 12, 2019

I am fading away. Its happening even as I type this….I seem almost to give a little of myself to the atmosphere like a diminishing ball of camphor….bit by bit. I am disappearing….slowly but surely. Like a man walking on the road called eternity only to look back hoping to catch a glimpse of something…anything familiar. Yet all this man can make out is the same infinity before him….as his memory is slowly and surely pressed and eventually crushed by time.

I am not sad…nor happy….I accept all this as a man who knows even this will past.

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‘Singapore will need farmers one day. She will need farmers like a man who has been submerged for as long as he can remember dreams only of gulping oxygen. The only reason why there’s no sense of urgency now is because the current batch of custodians of power live under a spell that it is business as usual. They are delusionall as they are criminally negligent in their lack of foresight. But things will take an unexpected turn…it will because food is scarce and it is a necessary like water or fresh air that can be weaponized.

We all seem to be growing older. Time is relentless. It seems almost to speed by like a bullet train these days leaving a collage of blurs where the past, present and future seem to be terribly mixed up.

Just the other while sleeping outside. As its so bloody hot these days and nights. I had a dream.

I was in a crowd. But it wasnt it this timeline. I could tell from the attire and mannerism of those in the crowd it was in the future, there he was the dwarf. Whenever my mind wants to convey a message…he always appears…the dwarf. The dwarf is always immaculately dressed in tails and a top hat. We dont need to speak…its like telepathy or a mental sms where i just know what he wants me to know.

‘You need to recall them all back…you need to reset the SARAH code*….and bring them all back.’

Mysterious coffee

March 10, 2019

Picked this up recently. Its comparatively cheap. Comes in an odd sized 200 grammes pack only. No country of origin. Though ‘packed in Australia.’ No bean description. No nothing….made a cup and not bad eh…..hits the spot in a round about way.

Eventually I came across this – http://tbp.mattandrews.id.au/2006/03/23/delta-chicco-doro-coffee/comment-page-1/

When couples are not motivated to stay together. They are like plants that dont want to sink deep roots, just like orchids maybe…..so the prospects of raising children will seldom feature in their plans.

This should prompt most sane and reasonable people to ask – why is this so?

This question can at best be answered by way of illustration.

Not long ago. A girl from the village. A school teacher. Asked me – whether I knew of such and such a man who claimed to originate from such and such a place….naturally I asked of this woman. What is your intention to get hold of such information. The girl exclaimed enthuistically, I am getting married. To which I felt incline to extend to her a full repetoire of compliments ranging from my compliments to the hopeful prospects of matrimonial joy and felicity.

That was really the point when something very strange and quite unexpected transpired. As this woman turned to be with a perplexed look and asked of me – I don’t know whether I am doing the right thing…rushing into this.

That was when I asked this woman – what do you mean to get out of this?

She replied. I feel lonely.

I asked further. What about the man. What do you think he means to get out of this?

She said, I think he feels lonely as well.

A long and painful pause followed. Painful because there was an air of expectancy where the woman felt that I was obliged to fill it with something…anything. When nothing came. She asked demandingly. Well?

To which I said,

So what do we have here, two scaddy cats who are both afraid of being alone in this world. And out of all this….both of you expect to carve out a decent slice of happiness, unity and a sense of the future from the cake of life?

Nothing gives me as much satisfaction as giving someone who works with me a good deal. Because when I give a person a good deal, not only does it pay homage to the whole idea of dignity of labor. But the great hope there is the recepient of the good deal will do the same something in the future and this is really how we all go about nourishing the idea of ethics.

But having that I find it intensely edifying to give others a good deal….it also means from time to time. I would like to get a good deal my way as well.

Here comes the kicker that some people like to shake their head and murmur – he’s like that one lah!

If I dont get a good deal. Then I will ask for one politely. If nothing happens. Then I will demand for a good deal. And if I still dont get it. Then I will take it!

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‘You know its almost axiomatic. If you’re in business and a friend comes along…you give him a hefty discount. Right? Wrong. If its a REAL friend. He will pay the full price without ever asking for a discount. You see he wants you to have a good deal. The sort that maybe only comes once a month. The sort that seals the friendship in trust and the long term.

Real friends will do this for you!

If you’ve to tell your friends to do this…take my advise go to the RSPCA pound and get a dog.

As this is what I learnt from dogs. They’re all very big on giving. So you could like throw in twenty cents and get back two hundred dollars.’

The minimalist

March 9, 2019

A minimalist is not someone who just has a naked lightbulb, stool and a few pots of cactus in his living room. That is simply the physical embodiment of minimalism.

A true minimalist is someone who can be so cluttered that he’s falling over his stuff every time he goes in and out of his room…….but his mind is uncluttered, clear and unaffected by the extraneous nonsense of this plastic and vapid world.

Always remember it all begins and ends in the mind.

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‘Do you notice that no one who claims to practise a minimalist lifestyle ever buys into the wisdom of keeping a tool box. I want you to understand this. If you’re suddenly in need of a No.13 wrench with a omni directional head. You will never ever find it in the habitat of a minimalist. Never! They will all happily recount to you why they dont ever need a No.13 wrench! And while they do all that they will make you feel like a crud who has just killed ten million baby seals with a baseball bat….all because you wanted to buy a No.13 wrench!

So I want you to know a couple of things if you need to visit a habitat of a fundamentalist minimalist. First of all if the ceiling fan starts to croak and squeck….there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. Not even if you happen to know that it will drop down and decapitate heads along with other precious body parts…such as my big toe. You have to live with it….neither can you pop down to Daiso and buy a No.13 wrench and secretly climb up to tighten and secure the bolting for the fan either. You cannot because Daiso doesnt sell an omni directional type wrench.

There’s alot of things you cannot do without a No.13 omnidirectional wrench.’

This morning. The headman in the village asked me – why I didnt give him a bottle of single malt whisky like I always do during CNY.

I just smiled at him and kept silent.

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‘What I am about share with you will transform both your life and how you regularly make sense of the world….Yes, it is that powerful! So if you want your life to go right on like it has always done. Kindly click on another excellent article elsewhere.

Still here?

Wokay. You see it goes like this. There are actually two of you. I know this sounds cuckoo. But bear with me. The first you is the real you. The other is the you that you want everyone to believe is you, but even you know that person is not really you. But since you have invested so much of yourself into this version of you that you want everyone to believe is you. Even you are bloody confused who you really are?

Its just a mess. Like mixed salad with so much mayo that it all looks really goopy.

Now the reason why there are two versions of you is because you have thru the years erected a sort of temple of worship to adorn, venerate and pray five times a day to yourself!

Yes, there are two of you…and this is where I will stop for the moment. Because this is very heavy and deep and since I dont want you to rush to hospital…this is where you best sit down. Before you fall down and remember

Breathe…in out…in out.’

One confirmed sign of a gangsta dog is when they are born with an eiree ability to sleep with their eyes wide open.

Look at the shape of the head. Does it look familiar?

When I was younger. I would always like to say I belong to the brotherhood or those people who like to only wear green colored T shirts. Or maybe I will say, I belong to the weekend Mee Pok eaters of the East Coast or something.

When I was young. I didnt have much confidence in either myself or my life philosophy. It was usually things that belonged to other people which I often passed of as my own….so there was a sense of inferiority complex in the way my world view was conceived.

These days I do not need to belong to anything. Infact it is stupid to belong or be associated terminally to anything…because the very moment you say, ‘I belong to this or that!….Suddenly a world of possibilities gets cut off, because the group you belong too will say, this is mine and that is yours! Or we ONLY believe in this and not in that or we only do this and not that….so at the end of the day. Although you claim to belong. You actually belong to nothing.

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‘In the first half of the life of man. He is trying very hard to assure everyone including himself that he has got it all figured out. Life that is. That is why he needs to belong. Because to belong to a church, community, association or even the Mickey Mouse club simply means – he does not stand alone in this cold and lonely world.

When one understands the psychology of the fearful mind – then the word ‘belong’ or ‘belonging’ becomes a bullshit word. Because what drives us to a sense of belonging is fear. But to belong means – I AM THIS OR THAT! I stand here and you there. So i cant eat with you or we cant play marbles or we cant even hold hands because of this and that and all the imaginary reasons in the world that comes right out of the ass of the word ‘belong’ or ‘belonging.’

But in the second half of a man’s life. He finds himself. That at least is the great hope. I say this because many men dont even experience their second rebirth, they just get colon or prostate cancer and die or worst – they’re permanently stuck on the first base of the infantile need to belong.

But if a man finds himself – then there is no need to belong. Because this man will see thru the lie that there’s no such thing as safety in numbers. Or for that matter the wisdom of the crowd. Without the need to belong. This does not mean this new reincarnated man does not believe in anything or has no allegiance to any worthy cause or belief….it simply means there’s no need to put so much effort in building walls or drawing imaginary lines in the sand all the time.’

Conceived in the late fifties as a credible response to the geo military realities facing the soviet empire. The MIG-21 continues to feature in the inventory of many militaries….in the hands of the right pilot, the MIG-21 is a lethal weapon.

It’s so hot indoors at night. As during the daylight hours. The sun bakes the bricks only for them to give it all out like an oven at night. I sleep outside in the yard under the shade of a palm.

In a plantation it is not unusual for the temperature to drop dramatically during the night….its very cool just around ten. However after that it can be an ice box.

I feel very safe as I am protected by my Dobermans.

When I sleep outside….they never sleep, they are all on combat mode and they are never far.

Thinking excessively

March 7, 2019

Thinking is when the mind is in your service. However when the mind thinks excessively….it is like a runaway freight train. Here the mind is conspiring against you.

Train your mind to pace itself like a marathon runner. There is the warm up, cruising, cool down and rest.

A mind that thinks excessively is like a runner who is always bolting at full speed….he can only wear himself out or crash into something.

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‘In managing yourself and others. It is very easy to say strive to be calm. But calmness is not an act, it is the end result…it is the fruit or outcome of applying the mind sensibly.

When you are mindful of the speed at which you are thinking…that is all it takes to control its speed. It is as simple as that. There’s no need to read ten volumes of breathe control or how to do headstands. None of those things are required…..all you need to do is to be mindful of the speedometer of your mind and how fast or slow thoughts are running thru your brain.

Once you are conscious of this, only then can you strive towards steadiness. Steadiness automatically leads to calmness. Calmness is when your mind is the direct opposite of thinking excessively….calmness does not mean your mind is slow, it means that its uncluttered and your thoughts are proceeding smoothly and it is clear and unblemished by the ego or any other extraneous nonsense – this is what people typically refer to as thinking clearly or level headedness…..it is steadiness….like a Mercedes Benz cruising along happily. This is where it rightly belongs. When one is in this state, it is not clear where the line between humanity and machine begins and end…suddenly man and machine has become one reality.’