On the subject of Mr Koreana – Part 2

May 21, 2019

I think if there’s such a thing as a ‘take away’ from this story of Mr Koreana and Miss D, it is the notion – you can never out run your past….you can certainly try and try hard enough like all things, maybe you can get ahead of it for a while. But eventually the past will over take you and get ahead.

Where I might differ from others is probably the idea – I dont think its a complete waste if one doesnt live well the first half of one’s life. As I happen to believe even if you took a wrong turn in the moment of your youth and lived an existence that’s so base and devoid of all the goodness humanity has to offer…..you can still use all that hurt and pain as raw material to make the second half of your life better.

In the case of Mr Koreana he just doesnt know how to make that transition between the world of the past and the present and future….he’s stuck in a sort of transit zone where it seems he’s in a perpetual state of dissonance. You know that place where you have to be in to get to wherever you want to go. But in the case of Koreana, he’s like a permanent resident of transit land.

I think when I reflect back on my own experience that’s really how I relate to the world. Most people back home in Singapore dont really experience this lag in consciousness becauze they’re always marinating around people. So that process by itself desentisizes one. But for me since I live and work alone in an alien environment. I literally live a life of a lone astronaut. I am for instance hyperconscious of many things that you may very well be oblivious too because you have been so desensitized by the act of ordinary living…you simply cannot register it. To sense this difference spatially, emotionally and spiritually. I think one has to mentally and spiritually remove oneself from the world. So when I crafted this character, Mr Koreana….I think yes, its somewhat true to say he’s definitely a vantage to how I see the world.

As for your second question – whether he (Mr Koreana) represents my struggle with autism.

I definitely struggled before when I was in Singapore and maybe the first five years here. But these days. I dont struggle to seek the approval of others. Infact, I do even feel the necessity to command their respect. I realize this may come across as narcistically self indulgent. But it isnt actually. I think its a product of ageing and mellowing and settling down and reconciling. Because one cannot keep on fighting all the time.

You see I am what I am.

I cannot be someone else.

I can only be myself…who I am.

As so seeking acceptance. Or understanding. I dont think that can ever come before the idea of who I am. If it does, then something is definitely very wrong with my thinking.

As you can see. i have spent alot of time thinking over this matter.

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