Weird people

September 8, 2017

I used to think I was the strangest person in the world. After all how many people do you know wants to be a farmer in a landless county. I used to console myself with the thought. Surely I can’t be the only one – after all there are so many people in this world, there has to be someone just like me who feels just as bizarre and out of place in the same ways I do. Often I would think to myself it’s unfair that there isn’t such a thing as a weirdo’s convention, where people who always feel as if they don’t fit in and who are always trying to find their place in the world can meet and sit down together and do something really exciting like sit on a park bench and watch grass grow. Often I would imagine my parallel self and imagine him or her thinking of me too.

Well for what it’s worth, I did finally make it as a farmer. I hope that if you are out there, reading this and know that I’m here, all I want to tell you is this – it’s OK to be strange…it’s very OK. Don’t worry…breathe.

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‘I think it’s easier to be gentle and kind and understanding to people who are not like everyone else when you are different. I once came across a Tamil boy who was beaten by a mob. When I stepped out of the car everyone stopped what they were doing as I was wearing my Kampung superman suit – a bush jacket, sun hat and shades. I must have looked very stern when I asked in a loud commanding voice, ‘what is the meaning of this!’

Someone in the crowd muttered, the boy is frightening everyone with his weird stories – he claims to be able to talk to trees!

I went up to this man and narrowed my eyes and asked him and the rest ‘and where might this tree be?’

Everyone looked at everyone then someone said, landowner there is no such thing as a talking tree.

I then brushed this person to one side and promptly instructed the headman and the boy to take us to the talking tree. In a while the entire village was standing before a sprawling ficus tree. That was when the mob began muttering to themselves. I turned to the crowd and told them all, ‘shut up….how do you expect me to listen to what this tree has to tell me with all this noise!

Everyone fell silent and strained their ears.

That was when I noticed the boy was smiling at me. I winked at him.’

Humiliation

September 7, 2017

It is not really what others may choose to do to humiliate and shame a person that should rightly command attention. I for one do not believe it is very important to ferret out the various reasons that accounts for such human cruelty.

What is important to me is how the person who is shamed responds. Some people react with anger. Others by offering their submission and there might also be those who would respond by running away and shutting the world from their lives. I tend to believe these responses are from people who do not have a firm grasp of either their maturity or ego.

But the most dangerous response are from those who manage shame with patience and quiet understanding.

Beware of such category of men as they are usually first and foremost exceptional practioners of war….as they don’t ever get emotional. This isthe cardinal rule of warcraft – emotion is poison. Only because they realise this would lead them to act rashly.

Those who can be counted to respond maturely, patiently and with determination. never fail to impress me.

As to be perfectly honest, I may not have either the quantity or quality of forebearance, intellect or for that matter sagacity to respond in such a studied and calm manner to shame.

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‘I think it takes tremendous personal discipline to shake off shame and to just keep on going as if nothing ever happened. For one that has to be incredibly frustrating for those who might want to shame this person. Can you imagine those evil folk spending so much time, energy and opportunity just to engineer a shameful outcome to drive this person mad, only to discover it has the same effect as a shell bouncing off harmlessly when it hits a tiger tank.

‘Ping! No sweat lah!…Ping! Some more…no sweat some more.’

This is a demonstration of ultimate mastery over the self – as only a very grounded person can continue as if nothing has happened in a cloud of shame. Can you imagine what it takes to hold on to this discipline! It’s like holding on to molten metal. Just visualise it everyone is thinking the very worse of this person…they are murmuring behind his back – he must have done something terribly wrong to end up where he is….and this person who has been shamed has to some how cobble together the courage and steadfastness to say to himself – ‘I have a mission to accomplish and I will not let anything or anyone get in the way!’

There is a certain gruffness of spirit that I think lesser men can never seem to ever appreciate nor find the time to reflect on. But that is because they have never ever been there in no man’s land where every passing moment cuts like a knife, where one is just nursing the smallness of one’s courage.

This I think points to a serious lack of imagination on the part of those who may not really see the courage of those who can respond to shame in a dignified and discipline way.

As very often when we speak about courage. All too often we are seduced by the kitsch Hollywood notion of the action hero. But that to me is not real courage. That is simply the illusion of courage that is packaged and sold by apparatus of the marketing manifesto. As there is a defined start and end point. There is also like all trite movie endings, the promise of redemption.

Dealing with shame maturely requires a higher level of intellect, self mastery and discipline that all adds up to uncommon valor…as in this no man’s land there is no start and end, there is no guarantee that it may all end happily either, it’s just litany where one may even begin by imagining all sorts of terribly things. Yet one has to go on. The best one can….one even has to bear the unbearable and that requires real courage.

The Mother who works feverishly to bring out the best in her autistic child. The Father who holds down two shift jobs and drives a taxi so that his kids can have a better tomorrow. The caregiver who works steadfastly without complaining. The soldier who is banished to the outer reaches of the Great Wall, yet he knows duty and keeps to his daily discipline…these are all very Everydayish examples of true courage.

Yes I happen to know of these things very intimately. It is tragic yet beautiful at the same time.’

The new speaker of parliament

September 6, 2017

There are many speculations about why and what may be the underlying reason behind the appointment of the new speaker of Parliament. For me all these things are not important simply because political life is a marathon. As for political success and failure, it is at best a hall of mirrors and one would do well to regard both outcomes as imposters.

In the beginning of a marathon. One may be seemingly so far behind that most people will likely conclude….he doesn’t have a chance in hell. But always remember it is early days, there is so much road ahead, so stay focus on just putting one foot in front of the other and disregard all other things.

The external world is not important…what is happening inside is.

It is this discipline that all great men can keep too. Those who know, know. Those who do not know….do not know.

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‘Singapore needs good men. That should be obvious, I know what about to say may come across as impolite and even a harsh indictment. But nonetheless it has to be said only because the goal is so important – for Singapore to perpetuate itself coherently…it needs good men.

It is well known that I was very critical of General Yeo’s decision to throw in his lot when he lost the Aljunied seat. I even considered it a failure of leadership when he decided to break with PAP by joining the private sector instead of dedicating himself to regain what was once lost. I have my reasons why I believe it was a failure of leadership and my hope is my recount would not be perceived as a personal attack against the General. First I believe had he stayed on – the tide would certainly turn in his favour and he would have certainly reaped the benefits of a great come back or epic return that would have enhanced both his prestige and standing in the party political oligarchacy of the PAP. Secondly, there was never ever any doubt in my mind that Sino- Singapore relations would experience added complexity and strain by Singapore’s unnatural alliance with the US and the advent of China’s economic and military rise – till today I remain convinced that had the General stayed the course and bit his tongue. Then many of the problems that we see today between China and Singapore would not seem so insurmountable and serious. I am not saying the relationship would be like chalk and cheese. No. But a live and let live accord could certainly have been negotiated. If not possibly even a geo economic détente.

Today it is a right mess.

The moral is simply this. The superior man, never puts his prestige or ego before the needs of the many – the discipline is to always keep the end in mind even if it is difficult and times impossible hard.

My hope is Mr Tan will continue to be part of the system. Read what you will about what I have said. Only understand this. I know how the game is played.

Once again if I had been in any way or form presumptuous or unkind of my judgement of General Yeo I do sincerely apologise.

Only I can’t help but continue to believe till this day it was indeed a travesty that he decided to throw in the towel as rashly as he did. I can’t help but draw the conclusion he must have taken the Aljunied defeat personally. Which in my view had to be very odd in every sense of the word as this is actually how the political game is played. It’s not a straight line calculation. One has to really take a wider sweep of things and even get used to spending time in the wilderness. Only because sometimes in this sort of vicious game of endless intrugies – to gainfully make progress, one may have to take many steps backwards. That may sound counter intuitive, but to me that is what politics is all about…it’s not a hundred meter dash, it’s a marathon, where pain cannot be avoided….but suffering is certainly optional if one has the discipline to see it thru calmly and quietly.

As if he had stayed the course…Singapore would win…and what more can the superior man ask for. What else is there beyond this…unfortunately I speak the language of servanthood that is an ideal that few men these days can even aspire to comprehend. Most are parvenu’s and hollow men. They have no conception what I speak about.

The idea of sacrifice, suffering the sagacity to bear all this out calmly and stoically with a cheerful heart is not something that would ever come to men who do not know the importance of serving a higher ideal….when the first shot rents out…the first sign of discomfort…. They will just chunk everything down and run for the hills.

And it is precisely for this reason why those who have every reason to leave should rightly stay the course. As even if the system happens to be lousy and riven by countless inequities and wrongs….that is how one goes about changing things for the better. By staying the course. No matter how painful it is. Only the goal is important, other things are not important.’

Preparing to plant

September 6, 2017

Before the seedlings are planted. A master blueprint will have to be generated to lay out the location of each palm according to a very strict alignment of interlinking equilateral triangles where each tree is distanced from the other by 30ft.

This is the traditional method of optimising land area for planting and it has not changed since the imperial days of flying boats, white linen and tea at tree.

I have decided to dispense with this old method of planting for three main reasons. The old method does not take into account soil variability, solar exposure and the pressing need to mitigate perennial diseases that commonly feature in monoculture crop management.

It is a dumb philosophy based on an equally dumb application of a time honoured mathematic theorem that assumes that all things are and MUST even be equal under X or Y conditions….when in reality no two sections of land even if they are located in the same parcel of land ever similar nor consistent. Soil differs. So does the datum of the water table due in part to elevation and topology along with solar exposure rates. Trees planted at the extreme edge for example have less exposure to sun when compared to those in the centre line since neighbouring trees are taller and their mature canopy cover blocks sun light. The same goes for the water table. Certain sections of the land have alluvial earth that are very porous. These areas should be planted with a denser mix. Others are a mixture of loamy and sandy, they have to be further apart, then there are veins of clayish soil as well. These would have to be avoided where necessary. All this variability needs to be factored into the final planting strategy. Instead I will use a variable planting formulation that I have developed. This new method will allow me to plant at a variable interval ranging from the standard text book distance of 30ft right up to 28 ft using the same genus of trees.

To accomplish this highly chaotic mix of planting I will choose to refer to as organized chaos theory. Drones fitted with micro GPS locators will fly a preprogrammed route over the land during a moonless night to photograph each planting point. The new planting points will be physically marked out on site with bricks that are left out in the day time. Since they will retain heat the differential in ambient temperature will allow these these sensors on the drones to pick them up.

To help me do all this I have called on the help of the bubblegummers knockerbangers. These are a bunch of gamers who belong to the greater brotherhood cosca who I used to know many years ago. Now they are all graduated, joined the workforce, married and hopefully grown up enough not to screw this project up. Since they are all drone heads this should be fun for them.

All the data will then be feed into a computer using a standard auto cad software to generate a final planting plan. This is the only way to ensure the new planting points are reasonably distanced away from the old planting points to minimise root and basal related diseases.

Old methods of planting new seedlings can never achieve to this level of accuracy. As they are based on a dumb grid method of linking a network of equilateral triangles into a matrix. Neither can they accommodate variability of distancing between palms.

My method can and it will.

Contract girlfren

September 5, 2017

Replanting (last look)

September 5, 2017

You can click on the photo to enlarge it. This is after the 1st plough. Usually the soil is allowed to fallow for at least three weeks before the 2nd plough. Directly after the second plough I will start planting the new seedlings.

The weather is very important in between the ploughing cycles. During the first plough we did have a bit of rain, but only nominal so this did not seem to affect the ploughing negatively.

The most important aspect of the first plough is the plough disc needs to penetrate to a minimum depth of at least one feet. It has to straight as an arrow and consistent. If it’s too wet. None of these criterias can be achieved.

During the second plough. The soil will be further broken up. This ensures that the new seedlings can take to the land speedily. As the roots can radiate out without any resistance.

In between five row of palms. I have dug a trench 5ft X 5ft. The cellulose material and the roots from the last palms have all been bulldozed into these trenches. The general idea is when the heavy rains come. These drains will hopefully begin to fill up thereby drowning all the bugs that would usually munch on the new seedlings. This is a natural pest control methodology and dispenses with the need to use insecticides. At the same time the organic material in these trenches will begin to decompose and compost and release organic based nutrients into the soil. It will take at least two years for the entire whole cycle to be completed. During the interim period bananas will be grown in between the infant palms.

Bananas are good for the interim – as this is a reliable way to fool nature by promoting permaculture instead of monoculture and if done correctly it can reset the soil resistance quotient so that it doesn’t militate against second rotation oil palm – this is one method to mitigate perennial crop diseases.

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‘I know this may come across as a bit odd. But a part of me is sad that this project will be winding down soon. As I survey with my eye the land. I feel like a river that has finally discovered the sea. I don’t know whether you have actually seen the line of confluence that separates fresh from salt water from a window of an airplane. But it is in this line that my heart stands as I survey the land. It’s as if the river that was once filled vigor and verve has suddenly given all of itself and much more to the vast infinity of the sea…there is a certain spirit of languor in my heart that mirrors exactly the languorous pace of this river who now finds itself in the cold and tepid embrace of the paraffin blue seas. Till then it had travelled all the way from the depths of earth from high mountain peaks where ancient glacial ice melts to form tributaries….always rushing…always purposeful…never once resting as it makes its inland journey to the outer reaches of the seas and now that it stands before the majesty of infinity itself….all that it can do is to lose all its energy in one moment of supplication to be part of something much greater than what it is….this is how I feel. Not the thrill of victory. Rather it is the feeling of humility that comes from standing before the great hope.’

This morning while driving. A car blocked my way. I did not honk the person. Instead I waited patiently. Thereafter for some strange reason the person reversed his car as if he wanted to come out from the side from which I was entering. Again I did not say anything and even obliged him by reversing my car.

It was only when his car was facing mine that I noticed this man was waving his fist at me.

There and then something snapped in me. It all happened in one blink of an eye. And that was when I stepped out of the car (I should not have done that at all. I should have just stayed in my car and allowed it all to die off. As what I did could only lead to an escalation of conflict) and asked him, ‘what is the problem?’ (Should not have raised my voice either.) He muttered something, I pressed on with ‘speak up man!’ (Should not have done that as I had pushed him to a corner…he has already pulled back and I should have left it at that).

He started to say something and a shouting match of sorts ensued. (That also I should not have done). Later on this man followed my car and stepped out and knocked on my window. This time I stepped out of the car. I was ready to knock him out cold. (I should not have done that as he was already so angry that he was out of his mind…I should have just ignored him and driven away). By this time a few men wrestled him down as he was already consumed in the madness of anger. (Yet I so wanted him to break loose and take a punch at me. I had it all figured out. I would duck, move in for a upper cut, knee and kick…again that was not right at all). Or maybe they were just afraid of what he would do. As to strike landowner is not a small thing.

I cannot begin to tell you all how very disappointed I am in myself. As I write all these things yet when it comes to putting them into practice. I don’t seem to be able to keep to the discipline.

I really must try harder to be more aware of what is happening in and around me. I must. Otherwise whatever I write is really meaningless and so very useless.

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‘When I come before the truth it is not a very handsome or for that matter pleasant experience. But I must look at it and even steady myself to bear it out…to even allow it all to permeate the marrow of my bones…and if possible tell it for what it really is. Even should it threaten to undermine so much of what I’ve written all these years. Even if it would embarrass me and cause me to run to one corner and hide from the world.

As it is the truth….as if one cannot come to terms with the truth. Then I think it is truly pointless to talk about what one should aspire to be.’

There is an autistic child in the village where I turn the wheel of life. Every time that this child sees me. He will be very happy and come out to greet me. The Mother of the child is OK. She likes it when I socialise with the boy. But the Father doesn’t like it. Often he will ask the boy to come in whenever he sees me talking to this boy.

One day this man came to my land and asked me not to come near his Son again…the man went on to add the boy is problematic. I simply told the man, it is the not boy who is the problem, it is you. When the man heard this he became angry and when he took a step towards me. I put my hand on his head and raised my voice to command him to kneel with the words, ‘you are too proud that is why he continues to suffer…that is why he doesn’t smile and avoids you. You think you are very clever. But you are the reason why he continues to suffer. The man began to tremble. And I pressed on – you look at other people’s children and you ask what have I done to deserve this curse where I cannot even die with a peaceful heart. The priest has told you that this karma…it is destiny, fate or whatever mumbo jumbo he calls it and you must have done something terribly bad in this life or the last to deserve all this – and since you believe in all this bad teachings. You have convinced yourself that you have failed and this is the reason why you feel judged whenever the other villagers whisper behind your back that this is divine retribution. So you feel as if you have done something terribly wrong that is why you want to hide the child away from the eyes of the world…you are the problem and not the child. As you believe…you were put on this earth to nourish human suffering and you have dragged everyone into this reality including your innocent son.

The man began to sob openly.

I pressed right on. All because of your pride….your ego. You have let it run wild like a tiger and now it has devoured your happiness and whatever happiness that your child and Wife will ever have. Your child continues to suffer as you have foolsihly allowed the opinions of others to shape your responses along with thinking….you live your life for strangers and not for those who should rightly matter most to you…..you regard your child as a curse so you feel ashame and you want to atone for your sins and that is why you believe you must suffer. That would be fine with me….but why drag others into the hell that you have fashioned by your own hand of conceit.

Why? You are so determined to continue suffering that you cannot even bear the sight of your child laughing.

The man asked, how can you see so clearly into my heart…what they say is true…the man who lives on the hill is none other than the devil…only he has the power to see into a man’s heart….how do you know all these things?

I did not answer the man….only the sounds of his sobs filled the air.

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‘Never see anything as a curse. Never. As once you buy into that con job…you are truly done for. As you will you will be judged and judgement can only lead to guilt and this leads to shame and suffering. If you suffer that is fine…but why should an innocent new born life suffer simply because you didn’t bother to think it all thru responsibly.

After all let me put it this way. You only have one life – are you going go thru it reacting to what others may think about you all the time? So let understand your version of reality…if the world likes you and thinks you are a jolly good fellow…you are happy. If conversely the world believes you fell short…then you beat yourself up and feel sorry for yourself?

So that is your way of finding identity and a sense of belonging in this world?

That is your version of reality? Think!

Or maybe you should consider this other way.

My reality is my own! Doesn’t even matter if I was born without legs or hands or I can even fit into a suitcase. Sure what the world thinks is important! Sure it is! Their views are very important…ONLY they can never be more important than mine.

REMEMBER WHAT I WROTE IN THE BEGINNING ITS MY REALITY!

After all it’s my life…not yours, not theirs or for that matter anyone else and if I don’t stand my ground here, then it wouldn’t be my life any longer…. don’t like me. Fine. Makes no difference to me. After all the world is big enough to accommodate our differences so you do your thing and I do mine. It’s not as if I am making bombs in my basement…I just want the right to live my life and hold on to my version of reality….I just happen to believe its a stupid idea to live my life for other people. Just to make them happy. Just so they can keep their crumbly bullshit of a reality intact without falling apart…. If I had nine lives like a cat, maybe I can spare one to experiment with going your or their way. But since I only have one…it’s got to be all about me and never you or anyone else…so my life goes right on whether they like it or not like one those big juggernaut trains that takes two kilometres to come to a stop. Why should I live my life to make people who I hardly know or even want to get to know more about….happy? I mean let’s be honest one day if I lying in bed and my liver or heart is going to konk out….is the world going to be there by my side?

I have my own reality. That is mine and even if the maker tries to take it from me…I will storm heaven.

That to me is life…don’t make it more complicated than it already is.’

Super power boots

September 4, 2017

Captain America has his trusted shield. Batman has his bullet proof cape. Spider-Man has his web spinner kit. I have my super duper boots.

I’ve had them for near 25 years. They’re old school climbing boots. Wore them during my recent replanting. That I’ve pulled off perfectly. It was a very arduous undertaking that had the capacity to make even the best of men weak in the knees. But I saw it right to the end…and it’s perfect.

Whenever I have to commit my mind and body to anything significant – I always make it a point to wear My Magic boots. They’re indestructible. I especially like the way they’re able to clamp my ankle and feet….I find the sensation of being compressed comforting and safe…it’s like armor.

I’ve done many things with these boots….transversed the lenght and breadth of Russia with them, climbed four out of the seven mythical peaks, summitted two out of the four and came very close to the other two…but had to pull back due to foul weather for one and on the account of my oxygen tank running empty on the other. I’ve done incredible things with these pair of boots.

They’ve given me a lot of super powers.

This afternoon I gave them a thorough cleaning and three coats of preserving oils to nourish the leather. Now I am going to put them in the box and store them away….one day I will need them again. Maybe for an important meeting with people who are out to kill me or something…..I know I told you all I plan to wear them on a daily basis….Well, I just can’t bring myself to do it. They’re too valuable. I need to keep them well and only wear them when I have to face off against big things that come my way.

Sleep well My Magic boots…till next time.

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‘They look very weird I reckon. Maybe like moon boots. As whenever I wear them out. I get plenty of WTF is dat? Looks. Most people think I am there to fix the air con or move things…they always ask me to use the service entrance. Most just think I got a strange pair of boots from someone who doesn’t know how to stitch leather. They give me sympathetic looks like ‘he doesn’t even know he got a Friday job.’ Then there are some who just know what they are. So they give me nods of approval. That’s how it is with climbers. We can sense each other out even in a crowd. It’s a vampire thing. Kids like to stand next to me point at my boots, make funny faces and pester mummy to take photos…it’s the endearing proportions I reckon that reminds them of round babY toys with no hard or sharp edges. Ladies who read country life and wear Laura Ashley and who are fond of dressing their hair with flowers…always stop and smile whenever they see me in my boots. Men in uniform have a habit of looking be up and down whenever I wear my boots. First they look at the scar above my right eye…then to my Rolex tool watch…but they always rest their eyes on my boots….I know what they’re thinking….they think I am a spy. Someone who works for French intelligence or something.

But most just think they look way too chunky and industrial and perhaps even weird….weird not in a scary and evil way, but in a cute adorable sort of way.’

Two instead of one scaddy cat

September 3, 2017

Some time back ago a woman confided to me that she suffers from a morbid fear of being alone – that is why she feels the urgency to pair up with a man. She asked me what I thought. I asked this woman a simple question. If your roof leaks what would you do? She gave me a ‘what a silly question look’ then she replied, ‘I will get someone in to fix it.’ Then I asked, why don’t you move out and get yourself another house with a roof that doesn’t leak? The woman exclaimed, ‘that’s stupid. It’s just a leaky roof. Besides it can be fixed and the rest of the house is good.

Then I told her – if you suffer from the fear of being alone and that is your primary motivation to hook up with a man. Then it’s no different from moving out of your house with a leaky roof is it not?….why don’t you fix the problem first. Besides you’re not autistic like me – that’s a major problem. But besides that minor fear of being alone….I don’t see any other pscychotic aspects about you….deal with your fear first…only after that do you consider whether there might be other compelling reasons to pair up with a man.

Besides even if you manage to find a man what if he pairs up with you only because he too suffers from the same morbid fear of being alone as well…what if both of you are driven to union by the same leaky roof motivation? If that happens then you will end up with two scaddy cats instead of only one and since you both fear being alone…now you have to deal with not only your fear but his as well. And since both of you have absolutely no idea how to get a handle on this problem it will be a case of the blind following the blind.

If that is the case then it is better that you stay single. Because instead of double happiness you will certainly end up with double matilah (jeopardy).

There is a fundamental error in thinking.

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‘Don’t hook up with a man or woman just because everyone is pairing up. What kinda of rubbish logic might that be? If you want to do that then take the trouble to find at least a couple of compelling reasons. If it is just sex then I will recommend you to Geylang. Because there you can endless choice, variety and economy, everything from $1 Nasi Lemak size to $10 jumbo Super size with macadamia nuts some more. Again find a good and compelling reason.

Because this is not a casual decision one should make lightly.

I want be clear. There’s no shame in choosing to remain single if a good one doesn’t come your way. Don’t be pressured.’

No one likes to be misunderstood. No one I imagine likes to be painted all wrong either. I am sure you don’t like it. So it is the same with me.

Not long ago a man who reads my blog recognised me in the street and came up to me. That incidentally just happens to be one of the perils of blogging. But we will not get into that.

This man went on and on about how wonderful my blog was and he was very excited. He was accompanied by his lovely wife, his better half even mentioned – ‘my husband reads your blog religiously every single day and it has brought great change to our lives.’ The lady beamed – that was when the man proceeded to whip out his cheque book and expressed his intentions to make a donation to MY foundation. Thereafter he wrote out a five figure sum. And when he asked who should I make it out too?

I told him…you will not make it out to anyone. As there is no foundation or for that matter anything in a form of an entity that can possibly receive this donation in my name.

I went on to add firmly, if there is such a thing then please report it to the police as it is most certainly a con job. That was when this man became quite shocked and asked, I don’t understand. I went on to tell him that if you read my blog carefully. You would realise that I am against all forms of donations. You will not find any icons soliciting anything in my blog…it doesn’t exist…it is blank.

It has been that way since I started blogging and it will always be that way!

I don’t even agree that religion should in any way be linked to money in any shape or form and if I had my way I would certainly make it a criminal offence for anyone or institution to solicit money or in kind. As I remain convinced such an arrangement can only lead ultimately to institutional corruption. This man went on to express, I don’t understand, why do you write the things you do then?

For who? For what reason?

I simply told him – I do it for reasons that I much prefer to keep private. I went on to add, I don’t mean to be rude….but I don’t write for even those who may read my material. That much I am prepared to say and not very much else.

I would like to take this opportunity to state categorically that it is common knowledge that I have renounced all form of evil in the internet. But should this ever occur again. I may relapse. I may just give a judo throw next time or maybe a flying kick lah! As this is not the first time that I have to bear such insults from inconsiderate people.

If you want to make a donation then write a cheque to the Pathlight school in Singapore or the RSPCA. Those are noble causes. If you want to give to con men like Kong Hee or Prince Singh also can. They will give you one bottle of China wine. After drinking you will hand them your cheque book and they will gladly write for you. Like magic you will see your POSB account go from something to nothing.

As for me despite being autistic, I derive immense pride from being able to take care of myself without having to burden anyone or for that matter relying on any form of charity. This is source of intense pride and joy for me that I have ever intention and prerogative to enjoy.

So please understand it is not too much to ask, please do not insult me ever again.

I ask so very little….only this.

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‘One parallel between writing and living is that both act as a sort of alchemy for the events and emotions in my life. Both writing and living allow me to audit my thought processes alongside – events, emotions, feelings – and transmute them into something that allows me to live a purpose driven life.

It is an entirely selfish endeavour where I am the main beneficiary.

That is why – when I’m criticized unjustly (for my viewpoint), or when someone misunderstands me by superimposing their own motivations on what my intentions may be to write what I do. Usually, I tell them – it is you who think all these things and not me.

Truth is I do make a daily effort to hold on to whatever remnants of humanity I have. This may seem strange to most people. But it is only because they have never had to live and work in the wild before. So like people who buy their clothes off the rack. They are inclined to believe everyone else does the same as well.

By disciplining myself to write I can mentally reconcile that portion of my discontent that comes from feeling estranged and lost in a world that I constantly find myself straining to understand.

The act of thinking and writing to me must a sort of supplication of sorts. As often it makes me realize how weak and fragile and inept I really am to succeed in this world. As frequently I have work hard and certainly harder than most to understand all this in a social context that doesn’t come naturally to me – it serves as a reminder, how limited my abilities really are and how far I am from my goal. Writing about the things I do makes be aware and conscious and most importantly connects me to my vulnerability and what it means to be gainfully human. And one of the results of being confronted by one’s own limitation is that it becomes a medium for me to fill in the blanks and become a much more complete person.

If I’m angry, I journey into the very nucleas of anger itself to seek to understand it. If I have a frustrating experience, I use that to improve myself as well so that can I ride it to reach a higher plane of consciousness instead of being overwhelmed by it. That’s the way I’ve always lived. I quietly absorb things I’m able to, releasing them later in my writings, and in this humble and ordinary way I learn from hurtful and bad experiences…..this is all I can hope to do as an austistic person who hopes very much to live a full and productive life.

There is no ulterior motives besides all that I shared. If it exist. It is YOU who have projected all these things on me…as it is never from me.

I think it’s important that we are crystal clear on what is and is not.’

Try not to be sensitive

September 2, 2017

When you are too sensitive. You are neck deep in trouble. As you can only go thru life jumping up and down all the time. Not only will you be emotionally unbalanced all the time. But this attitude will sabotage you at every turn and opportunity to deepen your knowledge on how to live a purpose driven life.

Recently a friend gave me a lift in his car. As we were driving. The car behind us started to honk and flash at us frantically. My friend got so angry he started swearing and even waved his fist at the driver. Soon the car cut ahead of us. And my friend was so angry that he wanted to get out and punch the driver.

I told him it is not what you think it is…calm down. As if it is an ambush the person has already given up the essential element of surprise and no one who has a malevolent intent would be so stupid to reveal his hand…..when the driver from the other car came over, he informed us there was a mobile phone on the roof of the car. It seems my friend had left it there….

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‘Don’t be sensitive. Above all don’t think I am sharing this just because it is easy for me not to be sensitive. As there are many people who I want to do nothing other than to give a stiff dressing down. Just for the record. Not everyone respects me. Some even don’t mind openly showing their disrespect by being rude to me all the time. Not everyone believes in me either. Some call me a liar. Others make fun and even go to great lengths to undermine my life’s work to save people and planet and researching sustainable ways to grow crops. They call me all sorts of unsavoury names. And some times they win and I have to make the best of a lousy situation and pick up the pieces and find the courage to go on. So don’t think it is easy for me not to be sensitive.

But that is really how it is when you’re at the leading edge of scientific farming. If you’re not making enemies, pissing off people and becoming a magnet for derision and criticism then the chances are no one gives a shit about what you are working on….that at least is how I see it.

I constantly remind myself not to be sensitive and instead seek to understand all these nastiness.

When one peels off this layer of resistance and ask why? One may perhaps discover the reason why many of these people behave in such nasty way is because they feel as if they’re losing control. That feeling has to be scary. As they find it difficult to cope with the chastening passage of change…they might even be shitting bricks. Coming to think of it maybe they’re even so nervous that they can’t be expected to behave any differently. And when you see it this way. Then in a perverse way it makes sense for them to turn their anger against me.

Then there can only be understanding for a thing.

When you understand the underlying reasons why people do the things they do. Then you don’t need to jump up and down and this insight allows you to respond appropriately in the most effective way.

I may or may not be able to change prevailing attitudes concerning farming such as slash and burn. But the way I see it – I have to try even if it rocks the boat. Even if so much of it has to come right out of my pocket. Even if all I really have is the sum of my unproven theories. I have too. As I need to know whether it will all work and end happily.

I don’t have much time. At the current rate mankind is raping the land. This cannot go on for very long. It will all come back in the form of bad karma. Recently Houston was epically flooded. Yet you have crazy people some of them are even imminently qualified climatologist, who continue to insist that all this has nothing whatsoever to do with global warming and environmental degradation – it is patently clear to me these people can never be the solution. As they are the problem.

Real solutions can never come from men who only know farming as a poetic abstraction. They have to come from men who are at the front line.

There are many times. I wish. I did not see the dystopian future as clearly as I do. But I see it the horrors unfolding in marvellous completion so I must act. Maybe it will all be for nought. Maybe it is like pouring water into a leaky bucket – seen from someone else’s perspective I do admit this sort of undertaking looks pointless or futile, or even a tad self indulgent…but it doesn’t bother me. Like I said, it could even resemble some pointless act. After what can one man do? But at least the effort one puts in has the power to endure. Whether it will all come around or belly up and end up as a big fat nothing. In the final analysis what’s most important is what you can’t see but can feel in your heart. To be able to seek oneness with something of value, sometimes one has to perform seemingly inefficient acts like stripping the timber from a house to feed a furnace. But even activities that appear to have little prospects of changing the world don’t necessarily end up languishing in absurdistan. That’s how I see it at least as someone whose felt this, who’s experienced it.

At least the effort that I have put in endures and this is a source of comfort and solace for me. My methods may be unproven but they are modern and borne out from years of research. My calculations are spot on. And for the moment I cannot think of anything else that I would have done differently.

It has never been done before. But if it works, many will adopt it as it pays out an impossible to better return on investment.

I have to see it to the very end calmly and with a cool head. Above all I can never allow myself to be so sensitive to criticism that I lose sight of the goal. Besides I’ve gradually come to the realization that this kind of pain and hurt is a necessary part of life….there is point in being sensitive.

I am bigger than all that to even bother losing sleep sweating the small stuff.

Learning how to be alone

September 1, 2017

It is not easy for one to strive to be alone. Don’t be naive. Never read this and say to yourself this is something I can do on a lazy Sunday afternoon. You cannot.

If you don’t believe me just try it out for one day – go to a restaurant and eat by yourself….in a short while you will be conscious of how other diners are giving you the why is he eating alone looks….just bear witness to your own heighten discomfort. Don’t form any opinions or judgements or the magic spell will be broken. Just bear witness to it all. Doesn’t matter what activity it is, it will difficult….soon you will be aware that once you dedicate yourself to this study to be comfortable all by yourself.

You will encounter a lot of resistance from within and outside….so don’t think it’s simple. You have absolutely no idea how difficult it is to discipline the mind to be all alone.

That is because most people are intensely afraid of being alone. The very thought makes them feel uncomfortable and heightens their anxieties – your ease and comfort in being alone can only sharpen their own awareness of ineptitude and lack of confidence to manage this discomfort zone…..this is something they can never ever hope to accomplish.

That’s why they need to ostracise you. Forgive them. That is also why I am sharing the psycho dynamics with you so that you don’t take their act of opposition against you personally and get angry. So that you understand what is happening in and around you.

I first noticed this when I was a young boy. There was one particular teacher who would always single me out for ridicule. It would start this way, he would ask a few students – what do want to be when you grow up? Some will say doctor others architect and when it came to my turn I would always reply farmer and he and the whole class would laugh out loud. This would be a daily ritual.

My point is I realised from a young age it is never easy for one to be alone. And for a child to aspire to be a farmer is a very unusual occupation. Hence that is a form of loneliness. As the pressure to conform can often be intense. And society has many ways to even force a round peg into a square hole. But the good thing about being autistic is one gets used to be ridiculed. One is also accustomed to passive aggression as well. To put it another way, one is always acutely aware that one is not welcome in this world!

There is no way to water it down….it is what it is! That at least was and still is my understanding of how politics is conducted in this world when it comes to those who chose to be alone.

So always remember this when you dedicate yourself to the study of how to be alone. You will always be running up against stiff opposition from those who much rather follow the crowd. And that is really their form of agreement. Only understand when you give in to the way of the crowd…then you will also be like everyone else as well.

As for me all I wanted to be was an individual and to gainfully turn the wheel of life as a farmer.

That may seem like a very small thing to ask….the permission to dream, but then again do you see how vicious the world can be to those who choose to go where no mind dares to go….to be alone.

Now you know the score.

May the force be with you.

See you on the other side.

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‘Being autistic is no different from being an X-men. I knew I was different from all other kids as I was born with certain super powers that can literally blow your socks and probably make you run away so fast out of sheer fear thru a brick wall that there would even be even cut out profile of you.

I can for example take one look at a scene, blue print or read a book just once and bang its all in my head. It’s not just there. I can rotate it in 3 dimensions. I can even cycle it all backwards or from the middle and so on and so forth. I can even make myself so small that I can walk around this web of construct and tell how it all fits together. I can see things that most people cannot see even if they had ten life times, I once walked into an art gallery and I could make out a tiger in a jungle montage that the artist had slyly incorporated without telling a soul and I would give him a wink of quiet complicity. I can assemble information in ways that you cannot possibly imagine. All this and more only I can do. And all this I will continue to hide from the world.’

It is very simple….avoid them. Do not engage under any circumstances. Better still if you can regard them as if they’re merely a figment of your imagination and they don’t actually exist. Who is right or wrong matters not. Who started it. Who has the right to end it? Again not important.

Want to be right? Want to win? OK. You r right, you win…bye bye.

Besides if you get into an argument with toxic people. You are just going to get sucked right into their game like a vacuum cleaner and it will probably take you where you least want to go and end up. What about their motivation for doing what they do? Again it matters not. Who cares? For all you know when they were a baby, some idiot put them on a high ladder to take a photo and they fell on their head…that is why they are like that.

The only thing that matters is your mental, spiritual and physical well being.

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‘The greatest discipline that you should consider practicing every day, hour and minute is simply this – if you have nothing positive to say about anything or anyone including yourself then shut your mouth.

Because the moment you say something negative…you are actually casting an evil spell. Of course you may not believe this because you think this is all hocus pocus in high tech space age Singapore….but what I have just described is really how an evil spell works….a bit of negativity goes a very long way.

Your conscious mind may well respond in disbelief by exclaiming, ‘that’s all rubbish…I don’t believe it!’ But you must understand, your subconscious mind is not so straight forward. Neither is it an open book either….don’t for one moment believe you know 100% of your subconscious – as it will seek agreement with that negative thought. Often without you even been aware of it or for that matter conscious that an agreement has already been concluded….and this sets into motion evil.

Trust me there’s nothing more to an evil spell than what I have already shared with you. It is very simple.

All that is required is a negative thought and someone else to hear it and it’s away like a speeding bullet….I once got so enraged with an owner of a fruit Orchard who kept spreading rumours that I was a devil that one day I went to his land in a fit of anger and gathered all the villagers and told them all – do you want a demonstration of my powers? Thereafter I cursed every tree on this man’s land…and within a year every single tree in that orchard shrivelled up and died. That was because a negative thought had been expressed and the owner and everyone there believed that could be the only outcome along with idea that I am the devil. The owner of that orchard became so anxious that he watered and fertilized his trees ten million times a day till they all died from over tending…..that if you must all know is the power of a negative thought when it is expressed and when someone hears it….it’s very powerful.

That was many years ago and since then I’ve had plenty of time to reflect on the error of my ways along with modifying my responses.

These days I am wiser and I do try my very best not to say anything bad at all. If for any reason I find it difficult to keep to this discipline – I will excuse myself politely and promptly remove myself from a potentially explosive situation that threatens to bring out the worst in me.

This is my first response whenever I encounter a difficult situation….I break off. Before I will stay around quibbling about who is right and wrong along with who started it. But these days all that is suddenly very childish and big waste of time that adds absolutely zero to my life….so bye bye to rubbish.

These days where possible I try my very best only to see the good points in others and to remain blind to all their faults where possible. I even make a conscious effort to start the day on a positive note so that I am in a good mood. Even if I come across a two metric ton internal beauty. I will compliment her flawless complexion by asking what soap do you use. Even should I come across someone who is completely virtueless I will try to find some endearing quality about him to remind myself this person is not completely virtueless. And should I ever feel that I may not have the patience or sagacity to keep to this discipline. I will usually excuse myself and promptly disappear.

I find when I adopt this positive attitude. The world suddenly becomes a much more beautiful and happy place.

The moral of the story is we all have the power to make this either heaven or hell.’

I happen to know of a chap who works very hard. Then at some point, he will say he is very stressed out and he’s going to explode at any moment. Shortly thereafter this person will go on a holiday. When he comes back he thinks he is like a mobile phone that is fully charged and in a short while the whole cycle begins again.

One day this fellow asked me how is it that you have not taken a holiday for the last eight years and yet you don’t seem to be stressed out…he went on to add…you must be a freak!

I did not take offence and simply smiled. Thereafter I asked this man who has been to every corner of the world….have you journeyed into yourself?

He looked me at me as if puzzled and that was when I told him….I do take many holidays to recharge…the man asked in a surprised tone…where?….I go into myself.

He did not understand and for a while he shook his head in disbelief as if talking to a mad man. While I thought to myself…that incidentally is a very big problem for this man who seems to go everywhere except where it’s most needful……himself.

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‘Don’t let the world wordsmith your life into the sum of a cheap mobile phone…you not a Samsung or for that matter an Iphone – where you may even believe when the week starts you have five bars and as you work you’re depleting energy only to rush frantically to charge your empty batteries and to repeat the whole cycle again….if you are in that sort of gyre, then I can almost guarantee you 100% – you will always be running away from yourself and I want to be clear just because you can find someone else to go along with your escapism doesn’t make it reality either.

What will be your reality is this. You always be poor because you are living an in and out economy. You will always be working for other people because you keep running away from yourself that you don’t even bother to take responsibility for yourself to plan to start an enterprise. You will be working to realise their dreams instead of yours. And worse of all since you don’t have the right programming to win, you will always find youself going around in only circles….and once you reach a certain age when you can no longer gainfully impersonate the life and times of latest smart phone you will switched out for someone younger and left out to dry in a place where all phones go to die.

I do apologise profusely if this happens to come as a great and monumental shock to you…..only understand I speak only the truth.

Learn to be your own man and woman….take responsibility…do not follow the way of the world. Where they will sell you the idea to relax and destress, you absolutely need to run away from yourself and your work along with somehow forget everything that’s related to work by sorrounding yourself in the fantasy of pristine beaches and coconut trees.

Instead cultivate the art of being sustainable. Work sustainably. Be efficient in how you use and recycle energy. Above all take the time to get to know yourself….never run away from yourself by seeking distractions…as this is what the world tells you to do….but this mantra of exist because people are getting rich from selling holidays!

When you make an effort to get to know yourself….you will find that you don’t need all these distractions. The urge to run away and to forget will drop away….your wallet will also be happier as well since it is not suffering from cancer.

This is especially true when you are young. Work and save as much as you can and start and own an enterprise. Be financially independent – above all own yourself and if possible get to know yourself and be comfortable in your own skin.

There is no rush to go here and there. The world is not ending the Mayan phrophecy was a no show. Trust me no one is in a hurry to tear down the Eiffel Tower and turn it into a food court. There are no plans to do that. London bridge is not falling down. The UK is not in an earth quake zone. The Grand Canyon is not a giant sink hole no one is going to fill it with concrete…..it will all be there. There is no hurry to see the world.

But there is a real urgency for you to go into yourself and to discover who you really are and what you are capable of and if possible to even be fascinated and mesmerised by the experience…that is the first step to live sustainably…to know what is most needful and to have the discipline to commit yourself to it.

This is the one discipline that you will find every serious man and woman doing….they don’t run here and there trying to distract themselves no end. They always go back to the center of their being to draw strength and nourishment.

Because if you do not make a real and genuine effort to own yourself early on in life, then it could be said you have been everywhere except where you should really go….and that lack will show.’

The lost art of listening

August 31, 2017

Many people go thru life without ever really listening to what is said. They seem to think that just because they have ears and they have the capacity to hear….that logically means they must be listening.

But often nothing can be further from the truth. Because between the act of hearing what is being expressed and trying to make sense of it…they have already added and subtracted so much from what was once said that their final undertanding of what was said can only be so distrorted and embellished.

I noticed this in the moment of my youth. As since I was autistic, very few people would ever listen to what I had to say. They would listen to normal kids but not me. At times they would even talk about me as if I was invisible. So at a tender age since I didn’t have many opportunities to be heard. Instead I put all my energy and attention into listening more effectively than most people….I could listen so proficiently that I could even hear so many things that most people could never ever pick up.

I listened so well that many people were convinced beyond a shadow of doubt that I had the power to foresee the future along with read minds. I even came out in the newspaper a few times. As I could play a card game where you could pick up any card and I would be able to call….as the person told me…and I listened….that was how it really worked…they told me! Not so much in words….but this they did.

At one point in my youth. I was even regularly asked to tell people’s fortune…..when events turned out as I predicted many would ask in amazement…how did you know it would turn out that way and my reply would always be the same on every single occasion just like the card game…YOU told me and I listened…and on every occasion they would exclaim…..No! I didn’t….for some curious reason, everyone thought I was making up stories…I listened so well that when I started working again everyone thought that I was a genius since I could zero into a problem even before it happened….I could even predict to an accuracy of 90% when, where and how it would all turn pear shaped and it reached such a ridicolous point that I even had to put on an act. As I realised when one is right most of the time and no one ever believes that was only because I merely listened to all the mechanics talking in locker room…then people will begin to fear and this usually leads to anger and usually I would be victimised. They would all kill me! So to palliate their fears…I would put on a show, like put my hands on a pipe, roll my eyes and foam in the mouth and only then would I tell them the answer in a trance like voice. Soon I noticed when I did that…no one ever asked me how I knew any longer….but that is only because they could never ever believe all I did was to listen. In this way I found they did not fear me any longer.

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‘If you genuinely want to know deep into your heart and mind whether what I have shared in this entry makes any sense at all. All you have to do AFTER reading this is to be conscious of the act of listening. Do not be impatient. Never interrupt. Just listen. Listen without adding or subtracting with what your mind thinks will be said or was said before this conversation. Listen without even thinking. Just listen to the sound of the voice. Be attentive to how the words are formed. Listen without any assumptions or for matter only to what want to hear….listen only.

And at the end of this experiment. You will know for yourself.

Go on I dare you!’

How to deal with conmen

August 30, 2017

Today two conmen tried to pull a fast one on me. Midway thru the conversation I told them….OK. Sold!…I am going to write a cheque now. But before I do so, it is my solemn duty to inform you all based on the business principle of full disclosure – you are dealing with a senior representative of the order of the illuminati….before I could continue further. They both scooted away…one of them bolted so fast he went right out of the window (that’s the first for even me)…and presumably they are now driving off at full speed to where they came from.

Indeed there is a very profound moral to this story….but I think its best that I leave it to you.

There’s a plantation lady who used to be very beautiful in her younger days. She must have been stunner in her younger days. As even today she likes so much to live in the happy folds of memories in the moment of her youth….and who can blame her.

I can only imagine whenever she comes face to face with present, it must be a terrible let down as often I find in those moments she is very quiet and melancholy.

Recently this lady confided to me that she often feels sad and at times even suicidal. As she considers her life these days to be only a pale and faded comparison to what it used to be in the glorious moment of her youth.

At some point in the conversation she turned to me as if thinking aloud and expressed…I wish I could be young forever.

At that moment I felt like sharing with this lady what I know of Chuando. But I decided not too. And soon the topic turned once again to her deepest of yearnings…I wish I can be young and beautiful forever.

That was when I turned the lady attention to a nearby hedgerows of wild flowers. I told her they are in season and that was when she rose up excitedly as if wanting to pluck a few…to which I gently held her back with the words….please sit with me and just look…are they not beautiful. To which the lady agreed that was when she turned to me and asked, why did you stop me for plucking them.

I will share with only you what I told her that afternoon…as I believe an error in thinking concerning what is beauty and how one should seek oneness with it is the root cause of so much unnecessary anxieties and suffering along with cancer of the wallet…..in my understanding….true beauty is not a thing, it cannot be possessed….it is only a fleeting moment like the coming and passing of the seasons….the flit of the clouds across the sky…a cool breeze against your cheeks….to be one with beauty is not about possessing or for that even owning or preserving…it is really only about one thing… appreciation.

The capacity for one to appreciate beyond what one merely sees is what allows us to be at one with beauty.

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‘Life is incredibly democratic in more ways than I can possibly describe. As at every level of a man and womans life there will always be plenty of opportunities to be exceptionally beautiful. When a girl is in her teens she is bursting with at seams with all of life like a flower in full bloom. That is merely one understanding of beauty. As she turns the corner in her mid twenties and proceeds into her thirties, her once tight features will begin to relent ever so slightly lending her a certain calmness of appearance that had always been elusive to her when she was younger and again that is yet another type of beauty and as this woman proceeds further into her forties the fullness of her hips will begin to flesh out (there are of course exceptions like fish ball transformer cases lah, but we will not go there as I don’t want to get charming letters asking me to go and die. That is not beautiful so we will not talk about it. Incidentally I forgive you all.)…and again that is beautiful as well.

So as you can see. At every stage of life there is plenty of room for improvisation to for one to be beautiful.

The same holds true for man as well. In the moment of his youth, he’s like an open top cabriolet with a feisty and noisy engine that is raring to go. As this man ages into his thirties, forties and beyond. So long as he has the benefit of this insight printed and laminated in his wallet every stage of life will hold up plenty of opportunities for him to aspire to be beautiful as well. He too will be able to find this mythical line.

As this man ages he will acquire a certain steadiness and stateliness like a well heeled Mercedes Benz. There is power but now it is not the raw white knuckle variety. Rather it’s refined, very polished, sophisticated even in an old school 007 genre and very understatedly muted. As at that stage in life, there is very little to prove….you already know who you are and what you are capable of doing. Nothing flashy or glarish just like silk cravat peeking out from an open neck shirt to give the assemble as certain saviour faire. But it is equally surefooted and powerful, if not more as this time, as it is complimented with experience and confidence and wisdom. These things are very beautiful in a man. His clarity. Precision of thoughts along worldly knowledge that could have only have come from having come before it, seen it and conquering it. That is why if a man keeps himself well and doesn’t have a skin that’s too thin…he will be beautiful right up to Unclehood and beyond. Same with some aunties as well…they too are very beautiful in their own terms. If they can go beyond just the vapidness of commercial beauty.

Knowing that each stage of life offers a different way to express ones beauty has nothing to do with vanity and everything to do with how to live and most importantly enjoy a purpose driven life.

When you see life thru this multi dimensional philosophy of beauty – then you will realise true beauty is not simply about possessing or being clingy to a monent in your life that is really only variety of beauty. It is not about trying to be Peter Pan. Or even trying to discover the elixir of youth in a bottle of moisturising cream where the only active ingredient is water.

Above all it is not about possessing…it is really only about appreciation.’

Politics & Diplomacy

August 29, 2017

Politics to me is the art of talking about everything under the sun except that which you should really only be talking about.

Diplomacy on the otherhand is the incomparable ability to say both no and yes at the same time and still be able to deny either positions when one is really pressed to clarify one’s position.

This should prompt sane and reasonable people to ask why mankind requires both politics and diplomacy…..well it should at least.

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‘Trade negotiations will begin soon. And it’s not uncommon for the stakeholders to jostle for advantage….no matter how small and insignificant it may appear to be – this is not merely the art of pettiness. I assure… it is none other than its other higher evolved kin…the theoretical science of petty. It seems the venue has become a highly contestable issue this year. Last year it was the menu. The year before the sitting positions and the year before that the allocation of parking lots.

This year. The millers seem to prefer to conduct trade talks in their home turf. While the landowners prefer to hold it in their strongholds. I on the otherhand much prefer to conduct trade talks at a neutral zone.

But how does one go about conveying to either party that their chosen venue is not agreeable without coming across as a petulant child who seems to be kicking up and fuss. Perhaps one way to do this is to state categorically that one is agreeable to whatever has been decided and do the opposite.

It is not easy to do the opposite. First one has to be most agreeable and even give all the parties a verbal undertaking that one is most willing to see the matter thru as sincerely as possible. This I have already done to the best of my abilities which I can only describe as a feat that probably deserves an oscar nomination and at least two Bafta’s to boot. On one occasion I even looked at a group of landowners with tears welling in and told them all in a trembling voice that I will do everything within my power to preserve the peace and that they can absolutely count on me. Now all that needs to be done is to ferret out ever more inventive reasons to say…but and of course however..these are two weapons of intrigue that feature in any form of double dealing.Along with of course…My words were taken out of context….what I actually meant to say was this and not that! That crowbar always comes in handy and of course if all fails one can always take refuge in the idea…of miscommunication.

This I am yet to do. But I am sure the opportunity will present itself later. If that fails I can always engineer an impasse along with level wild accusations on either side that if they do this or that. Then I would respond in the following manner…it is with deep regret that I can only consider this as a declaration of a trade war and I have every right to defend myself. Thereafter I take out my oversized good morning hanky blow my nose and walk out. If that doesn’t work I can always avail myself of the persuasive powers of banging my shoe on the podium and demanding fair terms that actually only favour me and hope that someone would be sufficiently moved to appease me. Then again I might even break off negotiations abruptly by raising an old wound and making it into a mountain….but I don’t believe that will work as I pulled that capper last year.

Perhaps I will just go this year and take my allocated seat that for some inexplicable reason seems to get closer to the toilet with each successive year – after that when anyone ask me what I think about it…I will simply express in a sardonic tone. We live in interesting times….do we not?…and just leave it at that.